To give the shortest explanation, I finally asked and learned that S does not return my crush. Somehow I was expecting that...

:-(

Our friendship appears to be relatively unscathed (if I may venture such an appraisal three days later), which I am glad about. I'm trying to hide disappointment now though, and frustration because I'm still attracted to her but have to stop hoping.

I wish I could say I was not hurt, I wish I could say I didn't see this coming and I wish I could say I put my emotion aside to believe that she got busy with easter or something! I wish I didn't take this personally but I am
she stood me up! I am numb right now! feeling not good enough, worthy blah blah you know how it is! I am sad and I dont even really have a reason to be

I dont know wot to do anymore, i had a place sorted for me and my girlfriend to move into and now my mum and dad do not want to be my guarantor and now i could losse the flat. i dont know wot to do. someone please let me know wot they think i should do.

my friend has been involved in tons of different kinds of selfharm for years. recently, she has taken up choking. i understand that she needs something to keep her going, but the choking is making her dizzy and sick, and i'm worried that it could cause her to...die.
so my question to you all,
can choking make you die?

Sora (My Best friend/ sort of girlfriend) came over. I think the tension between us is a little thicker or something. We didn't hug today. We normally greet eachother that way. I wish I could break the tension but I don't know how. Every time I want to say something it gets caught in my throat. Or if I try to do something I freeze up. It's really weird.

I watched the end of Chrono Crusade today. It was sad... Sad is an understatement. I cried, a lot. Poor Asmaria.

I'm also waiting for the last episode of Kyou Kara Maoh to be uploaded to youtube. That series isn't like, amazing or anything, but it's worth watching just for Yurri and Wolfram. XD I love those two. <3

this makes me feel so sad.

i'm watching Dr. 90210, and i just can't help feeling sad for these poor people. these beautiful people, because of what society and the media had told them, try and make themselves into something that's not humanly possible.

and, it just sickens me that these doctors perpetuate these lies simply for the money. grrrrrr.....

*sighs*

i thought i was over this shit. but it seems to have reared its ugly head again. i'll spare you the details and just let you know that when i get depressed, i GET DEPRESSED. this is not, "Oh, i feel kinda sad." This is, "I'd like to jump off the deck and break my neck right now just to make the negative feelings go away." and tomorrow's christmas eve.

Welllllll, I went ice skating on Friday, and I had SO much fun. Not to mention that during school, my crush (who I will call Alex) came up to me and held my hands and gave me a hug and said that she couldn't wait to go. She was the one who invited me in the first place. (Perhaps I have a chance?) I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day. I think my parents were worried at the way I kept pacing around and fussing with my clothes.