The playground looks broken in
December's plastic moonlight.
The basketballs have turned
to orange ghosts on the court
and the purple clouds above
resemble one-eyed teddy bears, smoking cigars.
You hold my hand between zombie oak trees
and stutter through a Michael Jackson song.
"Ben, the two of us.." you whisper,
then press your lips against mine.
It's surreal but I swallow your laughter
and stick my hand inside your jacket,
making you gasp as I trace
your shy muscles.
Boy, I want to scare off all
the bad memories that still
linger in this park;
the jump ropes and
*inspired by the song "Lover's Spit" by Broken Social Scene.
Golden red, your arms were a sinewy fence around
my form as we sat on the fire escape overlooking
a schizophrenic town.
Your lips tickled my cheek and I stroked the back
of your head, twisting
my fingers in your burnt wheat-colored strands.
"Remember when we used to get excited over
the smallest things," I asked.
"Like kissing awkwardly and
stumbling through doorways,
dragging in the scent of fresh
cut grass and angel's sweat?"
"Yeah," you said. "But let's play it out again,
baby, before Philadelphia
There were no goodbyes scrawled
on the bed frame,
no apologies painted on the floor
with tea and chalk.
Those words didn't
exist in your vocabulary, lover,
because you weren't
supposed to feel anything.
But then I came along with
my searching blue eyes and
demanding lips and you couldn't
just get rid of me like all the rest, no..
The seductive rain hit the windows
with an angry hand and made
the sky shrivel up like vanilla skin
and we stripped off our clothes
under a cluster of police lights;
strawberry red and turquoise fear.
You kissed my mouth like a Sadie
*inspired by Brian and Michael from Queer as Folk :P
The sun dies in your irises as you lie in bed,
clutching a joint between your fingers and
savoring the memory of a fight on your lips.
Friend, you start the evening off like a burst
of color and light brighter than a carousel,
but towards the end of the rave, you're
already bored and empty so you turn
to hospitals and dramatic suicidal promises,
threatening to jump if I don't hold your hand.
Manipulating the seasons in Pittsburgh,
my friend, you drive me wild.
But somehow, I'm always playing this game.
We wanted to make history.
We wanted to make this an
epic thing filled with riots
and dangerous kissing
behind liquor stores,
feeling the thrill of
being chased to death,
having our hearts
beating on the edge.
Or perhaps, that was what I wanted.
Darling, you only wanted waffles,
sugary and tasty at 8 A.M;
holding hands while listening
to Harvey Milk on the radio.
"You gotta give them hope," he'd said.
You always liked a good
watching from the window
as it ripped open the sea
and spilled its foamy secrets
all over the harbor.
You claim she's making you restless
with her strings of costume jewelry
and celebrity perfume that reeks
of insecurity and family issues.
But despite all your complaining,
the way I see things, your heart
is just as isolated as this girl's
and you two aren't that different.
She thinks it's funny to call her
peers names that she dug up
out of her dad's expensive yard,
covered in undeserving soil
and pubescent bacteria.
"Dance with me," she says.
"So everyone will think you're normal."
And you make excuses as
disco balls throw cliches
against the rundown walls of a gym
Hey everyone! Long time no post. A lot has changed since I've last been on here. Where do I start?
Well I'm a "friend" with my ex. I'm still deeply in love with her. But I'm trying not to be an evil ex, you know? It's actually a lot worse even though we aren't together. The fighting. It's like neither of us feels like their's closure. It's hard not to want to kiss her or hold her hand. I have to stop myself when I talk sometimes. I accidentally call her "babe" or "love" or whatever else I nicknamed her.
Lime green lightning bugs lit up the road late on a school night
and you squeezed my hand while lip-syncing to Ed Sheeran.
Inside your car, we were safe and invisible, baby.
You rested your cheek on my shoulder and I fell
for the dangerous tints of maple in your irises.
Maybe it was naive or maybe it was real;
either way, we threw caution to the wind
along with the ash from our convenience
store cigarettes and kissed hotly like nobody could stop us.
You were someone I wanted to keep forever;
tie you up with imaginary rope and trap you
Bucketfuls of gosling rain pour down
on the neighbor lady's plants as
I fiddle with the rawhide bracelet
you gave me for good luck.
It's ironic because if there's
anyone drowning here, it's you,
struggling to breathe in
the notorious deep end.
And yet, my throat tightens
every time I see you holding hands
with the transfer student from Biloxi,
the one with sunny hair
and a cruel wasteland grin.
He knows I'm jealous
so he takes advantage of
the celebrations in
the French Quarter,
pulling you closer in
his noose and water embrace.
It's strange how you're so
So i came out to my mom after 9 years and she basically said that im in denial and i need to get help. Everyday she acts like nothings wrong. Its like she lives in this little bubble and everything that changes her plan or doesnt make our family look perfect its wrong. And she thinks that im pushing the fact that im gay in her face. And im not. She tries to buy my silence with gifts . But i wont put up with it. She says that im going against everything shes ever told me, and that my life choice effects her and me.
*title belongs to John Green.*
You were a questionable night and strong arms;
coffee ground eyes and marijuana-coated lips
turned up in a cute twenty-four hour smirk.
You and I were shoe boxes filled with
boy-meets-boy hormones wrapped
tight in the construction paper summer before college.
Neither of us knew what was really
going on when we kissed passionately on your couch
the afternoon of Thanksgiving.
And before I could explain my feelings,
you fell asleep with your head on my chest,
so I just ran my fingers through your
goldenrod blond hair and thought about
The antique gold leaves swirl eerily
in the courtyard and I find you sitting
alone on a stone bench near where
the children like to play cup and ball.
But they can't see you, Larkin.
I'm the only one aware of your presence.
Decades of being sneered at
have made you cold to most humans.
So it was shocking when you decided
to open a window and let me catch
a glimpse of the frightened boy inside.
You are a walking tragedy in dapper clothing;
all the misunderstood pieces
of Prince Charming's dark past coming to life
in the flickering gaze of your shamrock eyes.
*warning: this is darker than my previous ones.*
- They told me you were a tease
with sunset streaks in your
But your beautiful and damaged
grin took my breath away.
Whiskey cherries and overgrown
lawns created the perfect
mood for dancing and we
were seduced by the sexy
consequences of carefree
weekends and no supervision.
I hooked my fingers in the collar of your
preppy polo shirt as we stumbled into
the best drunken kiss that
made me feel invincible.
"Your lashes are amazingly long,"
you slurred against my neck.
So my last few journal entries have been about me being depressed and what not. I'd love to say it's getting better, and some days i feel like it is...but as of right now, I just feel lost in life...and alone in life. I'm in the middle of a big change as I'll be re-entering school in the fall, and it's making me look at myself and how i want to be viewed and how I want to act, which is to be myself. This means telling people I'm gay. However...it is so hard to even fathom me telling my friends let alone my family. In terms of where to say it, how to say it, how to start saying it.
Im a 15 year old boy . Im battling with being gay and I dont want to be gay . I imagine having a wife with kids but Im just not attracted to females for some odd reason . Well , it was a couple a months ago when I was spending a night at my cousens house , all night we seemed to be flirting and I got a few gay vibes for him . So when we were about to go to sleep , i was so tempted , got under the covers with him and got on top of him (THATS IT) hes 15 too , and he turned over and said "What you doin." He left the room and waited until i was sleep to come back to the bed and sleep .
I think I will be okay. I don't know what will happen. I may be over reacting, who knows. But I'd rather be prepared for the worst. I'm going to be here whenever she needs me. I hope that's ok. She loves me. She is worried she will never be happy on her own. Why can't she understand sometimes people need help before they can be their own person? We are changing. That's ok. I can change with it. I feel like I'm maturing. I don't feel selfish anymore. I've realized this the past couple days. I don't care how I feel about it. I don't care if I'm sad.
First, I don't think Brad likes me. He acts too normal around me. It just doesn't seem like it. I think about him all the time.
Ok, my name is Emily, and I have the blues. The deep down, navy blues to be exact. I have almost come to the conclusion that I'm gay. But no one knows this. At all. No one even suspects it. I was in a committed relationship with a guy for two years. And on the surface, we were a perfect couple. But, I just could not make myself like him as anything other than a friend. I just don't desire guys in "that way". Just the though of "consumating" a relationship with a guy makes me want to gag! But I feel totally different about girls! The big problem is: I live in Mississippi.
I'm tired of having all these weird moods going through me. I feel as though I just don't care about anything anymore. It's been going on for like... the past week.
It's been harder for me to find things to be happy about. I'm normally that happy, cheery person.
I'm sick of it. I know I'm not depressed, at least not majorly, but it's becoming such a nuisance... I can't focus on anything because my brain is so fuzzy and I am so easily distracted, but ALWAYS bored.
Sorry for rambling.. ugh.
My lover returned today from Atlanta. I am so happy, came home a day early too. He had fun, went to the bars, saw the strippers, and all. He did not have sex with the guy he met there, as he said he was really a phony person face to face. He didn't like him after all he said, and I believe him. Robb used to lie to me on things like that but has not lied to me for over ten years now (at least gotten caught at it that is) So I am much relieved and less stress in my life now. I trusted him to go, to not screw up our relationship and my trust in him has been vindicated.