After a week in hell, drowning myself in coffee, burying my head under a heap of crap crap crapy textbooks that are just worse than shit, it's finally OVERRRR!

you know those times when you wish you had a controlling person in your life? the kind of people who would tell you what THEY think you should do? i want one. most people want them to get the fuck out but i want one. i hate being stuck in a rut. but i wont exagerate on the rut.

It’s not a need or a want but a right.
To fly and submerge and feel, no not feel, desire.
Closer and unreachable, it’s never enough.
You give the needed but it’s never sufficient
We always want more, I always want more.

To let go seems easy to write.
To write is never easy to express.
I hold on, still holding.
I open my eyes and its reality
But it feels like my world.

my love life is horrid! i have never had a stright love life and that's great in my eyes but my first love ever raped me and it was five years before i could tell any one,(it was in 4th grade) so if you want(no pressure) send advise to jac902008@hotmail.com so i can read it. or a PM here.
thanx, jacjessen

i jessen a.christensen need help with mine! type me at jac902008@hotmail.com if you can help me.

Okay, I wrote something earlier today, well, yesterday, but I felt the need to write again, so here I am.. It's, like, 2:40 in the morning now and I'm not supposed to be on the computer now, but who cares?

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so... one of my friends ran away. she left a suicide note saying that she was gunna drown herself. but she didnt she has been gone for like... a few days and... her brother saw her but she booked it. why does she insist on putting the stress on all of us?

so yea about 4 months ago my gf got engaged to this guy that she barely even knew so yea well she never told me that she was engaged, i ended up finding out from my friend savi so yea. we were in an open relationship so we had bfs and all. i ended up breaking up with her on her birthday. i had forgotten it was her bday.

I have been asking myself lately, 'do I want to live in the life of God?' and all the time the answer is not clear because I find all the negative thoughts from Christians and all the negativity in the bible. I mean, I don't want to be hated by someone who may or may not really exist. I just think.. Don't you want to at least try to live in the life of god?

This time my entry's about Lass.

For the past few weeks I've been plagued by spontaneous dreams about Lass ever since our friendship entered its silent desert. This is the third time its had her and the second time its been ONLY her. And it seems like each dream connects to something I was going to confront her about in real-time.

Where has my life gone?

I am thoroughly exhausted. Sunday night I got 3 hours of sleep but I loved it because after 12:30-ish I felt AMAZING, like a sudden burst of happiness and energy and for once everything seemed like it would be back on track.

okay so...
i like a few people,
some more than others.
im not going to use full names but we'll just call them "M,ke,do,da,"
okay?
so...
m:the girl who lives to far away and i dont know if she likes me or not but she seems to be getting over her ex.

I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
and everytime I cut myself
you held me close and asked me why.

I never meant for you to see
what was hidden underneath
my tattered clothes, my hurting smile
beneath it all my secret grief.

I never meant for you to catch me
I didn't want you to care
You should have let me fall, baby
leave my heart laid bare.

Okay so Today I was on youtube and Matthew Lush (some of you with
myspace may know him as 'Gay God') and he was talking about how we
should love people that hate us, because if we don't it just starts a

Myke and me were at our home,
it's really really funny.
His friend is talking to him,
while I was watching T.V.

"That boy I see Jaize with...
Who is he?"
Myke smiles as his answer forms. I can see it from the corner of my eyes.
"Oh? Him?
He's just the boy that makes Ronni smile,
and think. He makes her fall in love."
Myke said.
Corny sniggered.
I smiled.

love...what is love...an emotion evoked by the release of hormones in the brain and the rest of the nervous system? is it a feeling of ecstacy when one is deeply connected to another? is it both?

Kiss.
You life my shirt off.
I lift off yours.
I run my fingers across
your toned, firm torso,
between kisses,
caressing your tightly packed abs,
slowly finding my way
to your waist and belt buckle.
Kiss.
I feel you find my
waist and buckle and
it loosens, oh, so slowly,
leaving me in suspense.
Between kisses,
we both make our way
to the bed across the room