I think I will be okay. I don't know what will happen. I may be over reacting, who knows. But I'd rather be prepared for the worst. I'm going to be here whenever she needs me. I hope that's ok. She loves me. She is worried she will never be happy on her own. Why can't she understand sometimes people need help before they can be their own person? We are changing. That's ok. I can change with it. I feel like I'm maturing. I don't feel selfish anymore. I've realized this the past couple days. I don't care how I feel about it. I don't care if I'm sad.

I'm ready to cry. My partner's been in the hospital for too long and they're refusing to do the surgery. And I feel all alone here in my city in my queer, polyamorous, bdsm perspective.

grrrrrrrr.

I am lost and I don't know what to do. My life, if it ever was together, is falling apart. I lost my best friend of fifteen years because he's obsessed with his girlfriend and can't be bothered to keep in touch. I'm trying to move on from the horrors of my first-year drama and friends, but it's hard to make new friends all at once and I'm shy about getting close to people.

Almost all my dreams for the past week maybe 2 have involved this guy in my class. I never really had a crush on him or anything but i can't stop dreaming about him. these aren't even sex dreams. Most of them are more centered around love and intimacy than the actual act of sex itself. Anyway now that I can't stop dreaming about him I am beginning to develop feelings for him, which is ridiculous.