Today couldn't have gone any worse. First off, my friend Lindsey and I hungout for the majority of the day which ended up with me dying my mohawk red. My parents didn't agree with this and it led to an argument the likes of which I hadn't seen for years.
I'm new here (well,I had an account AGGGES ago- RadclyffeGeek- but I changed emails so many times that I forgot all my details) so I want to make new friends :-)
Send me a personal message if you'd like to chat.
I'm 17, from England and a girl.
I like lots of stuff- especially if it's something most people consider odd or geeky, or from way before my time!
She tells me she loves me every day, multiple times. We fight only because I start it. But I've always been that way. There are nights where I think I might die from loving her too much. Because anybody else's name on her lips breaks my hearts. We once made a million promises and created our dreams on the silly hopes of 15 year old kids. We're gunna get there someday.
This is here for all the people from the UK, I found this on another site but they may be using people from other countries as well
After about a year and a 1/4 of reluctance I've finally come out somewhere where I was a bit afraid to.
First Journal Entry
I don’t know this past week already has felt liberating, uniting and depressing to me. I have feelings that there may be a new someone out there for me. Just not sure if I should say something but not exactly ready yet, I think he knows what I am. I just seem to speak to him on the phone then any more of my friends who are straight and are guys.
There was this kid I liked and he liked me. and then he left me a voicemail one night... I seen him for the first time on a tuesday evening and everything seemed to go okay...
School was actually half way decent. At least for the day when I don't actually LIKE any of my classes. Until I got to science. And then it pretty much sucked. We got handed the biggest project ever today. It's called...Science Expo. And the packet is about 25 pages thick. And it's worth 30% of our grade. I am so so so screwed. It's compiled of a bunch of rough drafts. I hate rough drafts.
I hate when the people who I have built my world around leave. Because I am so used to spending every minute with you...I have no larger circle of friends. I wander at lunch feeling lost...I cut class so I can spend time with somebody who is slowly becoming more important to me. And I feel bad. Because I may be dating you, but yet again, you aren't there. So my eyes wander.
I was reading a post someone made a while ago and that reminded me / inspired me to tell my story of "recognition"(I guess you could call it that...).
This is going to be rather long-winded or I may leave out parts so it won't make sense... So if you read this and have any questions, just ask...
Today was great. I actually did something fun for once. My buddy Luke and I both needed to go to a candy store (Like bulk barrel for example) for our second period class. So since I needed to get a new hoody or two, well, not 'need' so much as want... anyway. I asked him if he wanted to come to the mall with me and Caitlyn. And this was the first time we ever hung out outside of school, so that's why I'm explaining the event of going to the mall with this guy.
This week has been shit....Absolute shit (exclude the job interview I went for on Wednesday). I really like my P.E. (she doesn't teach me the class this year, but it's easier saying that, so I'll just pretend that she is, cuz she taught me last year) teacher....so then I finally told my counsellor yesterday, and then she said, "You and I both know that you'll get hurt, if you try to act on it."....after that, she told me that it could only be a fantasy, and that's all it'd ever be. She's right....Ms. Slackson (my nick for her) wouldn't jepoardize her job. She wouldn't jepoardize being hauled off to jail. And, I know that deep down, but it still hurts to hear my counsellor say that. It hurts, knowing that it will never be. I won't ever be able to go up to her in the hall (or wherever) and just hug her...I won't be able to get close to her (in a non-sexual way). I almost started crying...I don't know why I didn't. And that's not even the worst of it. Just last night, a friend of mine signed on, and she asked me why I had a crush (her word, not mine) on Ms. Slackson. *She actually used the real name, but, for personal safety's sake, I'm not going to say it.* She also said it was gross....I was like, "Huh? What? What are you on about??" Wondering if I had really been that obvious. Then, she told me about the story I wrote....similar to my fantasy/dream. She said, "I know you wrote it." Then she told me she knew it was the teacher, because of the description I'd put in the story. My friend told me, "Look, I don't mind that you're gay, but we [her other friend as well] get a little weirded out." Then she proceeded to explain why, that I embarrass them, by...By being fucking prideful. For FUCK'S sake....It's not like I pushed you up a wall, and tried to make out with you! Why is it such an annoyance that I'm different/that I think girls are hotter than guys? Why!?
With a little bit of past history thrown in the mix.
So today I went and saw one of my friends who I haven’t seen in about a month because of my job (I work full time at a Feed and tack store). First thing I did was tell her I'm a lesbian. She cooed at me, said how cute, and hugged me. Not the reaction I expected at the time but now that I think about it she probably wasn't surprised. For the year we've know each other I've never had a crush on a boy. Also while going through months of crushing on one of our friends (who is bi and I will call S.) I cried on her shoulder many of times. It wasn't that I liked S. that bothered me , it was how she kept running me in circles and took advantage of how strong my crush was. Basically she would hold hands with me, cuddle, and kiss, say she didn't want a relationship then repeat all over again for three months until one day her ex boyfriend came back into the picture, they got back together and I was finally told she had never liked me that way. Needless to we don't talk anymore.