Hum Yeah its werid I am a college student and yet I am
still unable to wrap my mind around somethings.
But on to the topic I wanted to address today
So it's getting near chistmas and the GSA on my campus
has a member who has three kids two boys and a little girl
She can't afford gift and all the group members where
going to go out and shop for them and I was suppose
to go but at the last mintue which really is a week in advance
Life really sucks. i got told yesterday, by a school counselor who i really
admire that she had been getting complaints about me, people were saying
that i showed to much 'public, physical affection' for a girl. first of all,
i don't show 'public, physical affection' for anyone, not really. a friend and
i lean on eachother (she's female) and i sit on her desk, but it's not like
we're kissing, or even holding hands (which is allowed by the school code!!)
so im having mood swings..being emotional...lol...not funny really but you know...i feel blue i suppose.....and it only reveals it self to me at certain moments like now that i realize im sad ...and tired of working so hard...but i know for me to be sucessful in life and everything else i need to finish school ..get good grades...and not fuck up the opportunity i have to be something ....
Goddess, I could really use it at the moment. Do I mean counselling? I dunno, what's that one where you just lie down and blurt out all your problems while someone listens- but doesn’t bother trying to give you advice? Psychiatry? Well either way I wouldn’t mind it, I’d like someone else to tell me if what I feel, what I think, is normal- or if I could be f***ed up. Hell, I’ve got no chance of being noticed at school- no chance of people just taking a moment to ask if I’m OK- so I’ll moan here.
alright. Im going to the oasis retreat to camp seymour in tacoma. at least I think I am. my parents have yet to tell me if I'm allowed to go which means that they arent comfortable with me going and they want to wait for any reason to ground me and prevent me from going so they dont have to say yes. the good thing is that the registration form has to be turned in in two days (yeah Im a little late) but that gives me very little time to fuck up and get grounded.
my mom told me to do my laundry ..ok ok... she said.."and i mean do it dont just leave it wet and expect it to dry on its own..."
So iam doing laundry for once.....and my mom feels it is neccessary to make sure i am doing it right so she asks me ridiculous questions and tells me ridiculous obvious things and decides she feels the need to argue on the colors of my clothes:
"that is not dark that is light ...you cant mix!!!!"
I am SOO pissed.
My mom promised to take me to a basketball game. Now, she can't take me because she had a wreck and her car is in the shop.
My stupid step-dad has to take my annoying step-sister to her mom by six and it takes itleast a good hour to meet her mom.
I only want to go to this game so I can see my crush. She always performs at half-time and I need a little bit of happiness at the moment.
Blacks fought years and years for their civil rights, and, as legend has it, that fight ended sometime after the '60s, and all of a sudden white people quit lynching them and everyone was tolerant. Colorblindness ruled the land.
But blacks know that "colorblindness" is bullshit. Even if nobody rational is going to openly attack blacks anymore, there are still subtle acts of prejudice going on...the condescending way some store clerks treat blacks, for example. And the really hateful bastards didn't disappear, they just went underground. The Civil Rights Era certainly ended prematurely, if we believe the popular myth.
so yes my heart is stupid i hate that i cant control my feelings and it makes me feel stupid as in dumb as in wtf are you thinking and what are you doing!@!!! i know my last posts have been ramblings about how shitty my life is which is true and this is just a continuum- however i have realized a major source of my depression --so um yes love...i wonder have i ever really been in love maybe a little who knows i obviously dont..i think i kind of was and i hate myself for it...i was too weak...oh poo
why do people call gays and lesbians "sinners"? i mean, do they really think
that i CHOSE to be this different? do they really think that i WANT to be
ridiculed every way i turn? i mean, people, get a clue. i mean, i don't have
anything against religion, except when it is used to hurt people. like me.
i thought this 'god' person was supposed to be a good person. does he/she
really want people to be fighting in his/her image? i just don't get it...
Jesus friggin crap these past few days have sucked!! Except for sunday.... All I did was sleep on sunday. But saturday and monday and tuesday sucked!! Saturday would be to long to explaine but in short Dee was being a bitchy bigot.
Monday all of my friends were basically at one another's throats, though manyly Brandons.... Not Pet-Brando, older Brandon. The one with his head so full of innocence it should be illigal in our society!! It's sickening how innocently blind and stupid he is!!! Well, that blindness and stupidity finally got him into some deep crap with my girl. He pissed her off, how I'm not quite sure but I'm working on it, then he pissed of our best friend, he didn't want to go out with her but sometimes those 'NO lines' have gotten a bit blurry even to me. Then I find out that part of whats pissed my girlfriend off is that he doesn't think she's good enough for me, but guess what?! She's the best I've had in a LONG time!! A huge leep and bound up from my ex! I find cuddling and a peck on the lips every once in a while much better than a smack to the head and a lecture on how week and discraceful I am. The thing is he doesn't understand that those memories of all that shit isn't going away! He keeps telling me I'm better than this scared alter self but he seems to think a few words and a pout are gonna make it all o away. It doesn't work like that!! I wish it did but it doesn't!!
Have you ever had one of those "straw that broke the camel's back" moments? Well this camel is throughly pissed off. What set me off? Some of my earrings popped out and I lost a back. Silly isn't it? Of course it isn't that simple.
All the holes are infected. All of them. Eight. And I have to look at them. I have to look at the ugly and it pisses me off. Every single thing lately has been really weighing on me. College stuff. Family issues. Lonelyness. And now I have to look at this mess. Sure. I suspected it. I didn't know a damn thing about this stuff. First couple weeks I thought I was turning them but it was just the backs. And now they are out. And you know what? That damn parasite just shot itself in the face. I will not live for anyone or anything else anymore.
Yeah, meeting somebody's a pain in the ass. I think you should be required to take a test determining your social intelligence before you come out. Either that, or everyone get tatoos advertising their sexual affiliation. I'm clueless. Completely. I have no gaydar. All I know is that the college girls I see in lower Manhattan are kind of cute...even if they're all with their boyfriends.
ok, why do people seem to find it so important to have "clean" marriage.
i mean, come on people, give a little, get a lot. or (this is for those idiots
in office...i mean polititions) just take that stupid word "marriage" out of
the whole deal, and just call it a civil union. i mean, i don't want some sort
of religious union. no offence... i mean, really people, this is the 21st
century, for Kirstens sake, and we're it the USA, shouldn't we have figured this
I'm STILL at it, my stupid Much Ado About Nothing essay. So far I've done 10 pages, although it is double spaced as I was told to do. My word count is 4127, which compared to a lot of the essays I've seen- is pretty good. However, it's not quantity- but quality. Uggh, I used to adore English, and I liked Shakespeare- but now I can see why people complain about it- I've taken this play apart so much that all I can see is gunk and boredom on every page. I just think it's wrong that I have to abuse literature like this, searching for the implications in everything. I'm so tired and so bored. Best keep going.
Okay. I am such an idiot. Why did I put off this paper until today?? I have a 3000 word research paper on Samsung due Monday morning...so of course I waited till Sunday to really do much. Essentially I wrote about 10 pages today... What's really crazy is that it took me TWO HOURS to do the freakin citations and biblography! Oh my lord...I thought I was going to die. I think if this assignment doesn't convince me to start sooner on papers, nothing will. :-P
Okay, everyone. I know this sucks the most than anything that has happened to us in like our lives, G W becoming president again. But lets just look at it on the bright side... Only 48 more months, 4 years, until we get a new president and HE cant be re-elected again!!!
Trust me. I'm mad, i just dont feel like typing my whole opinion on here...
I've created a website to show my hatred towards George W Bush, and its just starting so its not good, but oh well... go to it and check it out! IF you have any pictures or stories or just ANYTHING, letter's, anything, you want on there just email me at email@example.com with what you want on it and i'll put it on!!
I'm sorry, I have to get it out of my system. Again.
KERRY IS FUCKING INSANE!! OK well not insane but god damn ... you people would let him run your country?! You would trust him with your lives?! I wouldn''t trust him with shit! Just because of the gay marriage, you're willing to put Kerry in office??? Haven't you heard of patience?! I'm just as much of a flaming bisexual as the next, but Jesus!
And for the people who talk about the war in Iraq, if you put Kerry in ofice, he would take the troops out. He would be saying that everything our soldiers did, didn't mean shit. That the men and women who died over there didn't mean shit. Yes, he may have kept some people from dying if he had done that, but in the long run, we all would have gotten bombed and killed because he wouldn't have stood up for the U.S. He would have been saying that it was OK that they attacked us. He would have been saying it was OK for the terrorists.
*sighs* Hello Oasis-
things are rapidly going downhill for me...my mother originally seemed cool with the idea that i may be gay...but um yes somehing i dont know what specifically has made her go umm POSTAL!! She flipped out yesterday so much that i had to lock myself in my room and blare the music so she couldnt hear me frantically calling my friend...she was screaming through tears at me things that hurt so much....saying stupid things to make me feel guilty which she did do.....she hurt me so bad...i dont know if i can ever forgive her
Pardon my language but I'm feeling throroughly pissed off right now. What in the hell are the American citizens thinking? Nothing's definite yet, but NBC just announced that they project Bush to take Ohio, which means he gets the election.
I've never felt this strongly about anything political before. But I'm tired of having a president who would rather I disappear because I question his fundamentally conservative religious values and complicate his political campaigns. I'm tired of having a president who is pushing to write discrimination into the constitution, just because that's how things have always been. I'm tired of living in a country that claims to give freedom to everyone, while trying to take it away from those who challenge social norms.