Grr. . .None of the guys I personally know are calling me or ansering my calls. Or my e-mails. Part of me says fuck 'em, anothers says WTF DID I DO WRONG?!? *slams head on table*. I feel so out of it. My only contact with the outside is through the window that is my computer screen. Why haven't I found love yet, why doesn't my own family not hug, or touch me at all? It's wierd, I've had no physsical contact with anyone, besides my cat (goddess bless her). I haven't given a serious to kiss to anyone in MONTHS. To just hold another guy's hand would be SOOOOOO wonderful. But men aren't that way. Maybe I should just become a lesbian (lol).
Tonight, what will he bring?
What is his purpose in seeing me?
I'm having a bad day. I don't want to leave the house. I have to face the firing squad tomorrow. It would be nice if you brought me flowers.
No. That won't happen.
We have seen a lot together, and yet you still talk to me like a stranger.
Going crazy feels like going sane; surely going sane feels like going mad. You laugh at all of it. It does not apply to you.
I have a lot of friends who are 11-13 and many of them are starting to have problems with dating so they come to me, assuming that since I am 16, I would know something. I don't I honestly don't (I never been on a date or with any body in that way...I only felt unrequited love so far) and most of the situations these kids come to me with are ones 11-13 year old shouldn't really be having issues with.
To all my friends, I am just going to say that someone has stolen my avatar and has pretty much copied my username. I beleive I know who this is (I beleive we ALL know who did this). I demand that you use a different avatar, because I painstakingly hand drew this avatar.
I am also sending this out, because I know that a similar thing happened to elraye, and I will not tolerate this, and neither will any of us.
I feel like crap right now. I know she doesn't love me. Never has, probably never will. Yet why do I still have the urge to persue her? Why do I still feel like there's a chance? I know December was a waste of my time. Why should this time be any different? I really hope she doesn't ask me out again because I'm not sure if I have the strength to tell her no. Because that's what I should do, right?
Okay, I heard the best thing today. In the tradition of the term "fag hag" I have now heard..."dyke tyke." A straight man that hangs out with lesbians. I thought it was cool. I told my gay guy friend about it and said that since technically I can't be a fag hag either, since I'm not straight, we could bend the rules and make him a dyke tyke. He proceeded to tell me that I'm not a dyke, because I'm bi.
Okay, I'm in marching band and there's a 24 count set where I have to do a 4 to 5 step to get to my spot
and my spot happens to be half a step in front of this tall egotistical trombone player. Half a step is
very close for those of you that aren't in band. But you can imagine. Well, we marked it off to see
where we really are, and it's CLOSER than half a step. We're standing there looking at our charts and the
For some reason I have the biggest problem talkin to the people i care about how confused i really am. But i realized that it is so much easier for me to talk to people that i really don't care what they think. And i guess i know why but then again you'd think that it would be easier to talk to people who i know support gays like all they gay people i know or maybe my best friends who i know are going to love me either way.
Just thought i'd let whoever cares know why i am here. i was a very confused person in middle school. Inside and out. I wasn't really comfortable with the fact that i found girls attractive like i might find myself staring at their ass or legs or breasts. Women are very beautiful creatures to say the least. So in 7th grade i declared myself to my closest friends that i was bi. I soon got fed up with guys and decided i was going to be a chosen lesbian cause i thought that would be so much easier needless to say it wasn't and i still really didn't know what i wanted.
here is another thing i read somewhere lol
m`aimer pour qui je suis
i might have spelled it wrong sry...
love me for who i am
it makes me happy lol
I came out to my father, shit was that the wrongest thing I ever did. And seeing as he is a Jew. He just gave me a dirty look and said 'You and I will talk about this. Believe me I will not tolerate anything of this nature.' Good thing my parents are divorced and I only see him once a year... or so it seems. I have to go over his house this weekend. Lucky me. At least my sister is going and I know C.C.
holy shit its too fucking hot! im sorry for the foul language used in this rant, but this heat in unbearable. we even have air conditioning pumped up to the max and its ridiclous. it got cool last night cuz we had like a fucking storm, but now the humidity made it so much better. not. god, normally i dont care about the heat, but sitting here, in and air conditioned room, looking on the computer, should not call for me to be dripping from my own sweat.
So my friend and her cousin were on vacation and they saw this guy who was ranting about all the people God hates. He had this huge sign which listed all the people who were going to hell, including, non-believers in Christ, rebelious women, and gays and lesbians. And then he kept reading passages from the bible that "proved his point". One thing I've learned about the Bible is that it contradicts itself and says what you want it to.
Yeesh, the guy who dumped me (see previous posts) has returned, unwanted, into my life. See, he used to live about an hour's drive from me, but now, he is living in the city, much closer to my home. The advantage of having long distance relationships is, if the sh*t hits the fan,and you break up, at least you don't have to see him/her again. However, because of his new residence, he will be attending the local gay youth meetings more often, which means every week I have to be reminded that I was dumped by this loser because he had problems with a meaningful relationship. Blech! Why was I such and idiot to go out with this guy? I guess that's life. Part of me wants to confront him, another tells me to just pretend he's noot there. Ugh. :P What to do? Any suggestions???
My Mom is really depressed, and I don't know why. Which bugs me. I'm worried about her. She's also very irritable and snappy. I asked her earlier if she was okay and she got all mad at me. Her mood leaves me all alone because I have no one else I can talk to right now. She says I can talk to her. But. My older sister's friend (who is a guy) has been sleeping at our house, and in the same bed as my sister, for over 2 weeks now. First of all, he doesn't like gay people and occassionally says some things that I don't appreciate. Second, they are sleeping on the futon in the family room. This is where the TV is and the only place I can play DDR. DDR is my means of exercising and when they sleep in there ALL day every day, I have no way of playing DDR (I refuse to play in front of anyone). Third, his being in our house constantly makes me very uncomfortable because it has been only females living in our house for over 5 years now. And fourth, he is eating using my Mom's money. We barely have enough money to feed my little sister and I, but now he has to come along and mooch off of my mother as well. He has his own place. He has his own car. He has friends. He needs to get the (excuse my language) fuck out of our house. He seems to think that he lives here, and has become comfortable enough to be rude to me a few times. Now, my older sister is supportive of my sexuality. She even told him "we don't use that word in this house" when said "fag" once. Yet when I'm right next to her and she's talking to him, she will say that something is "gay." She knows that it's offensive to me. I'm losing my mind, and I don't know what to do because I can't talk to my Mom about this. Whenever I say anything about it, even if I don't want to start a conversation about it, my Mom will get all pissed off at me and say, "I don't want to talk about this right now." When we decided that it was time I got off of my meds, she said she would be there for me if I needed to talk. I REALLY need to talk about this, it's really bugging me, but she refuses to talk to me about it. She won't really let me talk to her about anything. She just gets mad and assumes that I'm going to start yelling about it. When I just want to have a calm conversation with her. I have no one else to go to, and it feels like she's pushing me away. I don't know what to do. I've expressed this concern to her, and she just says, "I always talk when you need to." BULLSHIT. I cannot STAND being angry with her, either! HELP!! My Mom has talked to my sister several times about her friend sleeping here all the time, but she will not listen. I feel the incredible urge to slap her very VERY hard across the face. It's a disgusting urge to have..she's my SISTER. I'm also worried about her. She comes home drunk a lot, and her friend as well, which scares the fuck out of me because drunk driving is so dangerous. I talked to her friend about it one night, and he said, "Nah, it's okay. As soon as I get behind the wheel I'm sober." I said, "Well you're going to get into a car crash." His reply? "Not with your sister in the car." What the fuck does he mean NOT WITH MY SISTER IN THE CAR. EXCUSE ME!!!!!!! When you're drunk, YOU ARE DRUNK. YOU DO NOT DRIVE WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. YOU DO NOT DRIVE WITH MY SISTER IN THE CAR WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. NOT MATTER HOW SOBER YOU THINK YOU ARE. He is such a fucking MORON. He is so fucking FULL of himself. How DARE HE think he is sober enough to drive with my sister in the car. If he really truly gave a shit about her life, he would not drive at all after drinking. That's not all that's worrying me, either. My Mom said that when I get older I have to be careful because alcoholism is on my Dad's side of the family. And my sister goes out drinking all night. I'm scared to death that she's going to end up an alcoholic. I do not want to see her like that. I don't want her to depend on alcohol. It makes me sick to my stomach seeing her drunk. She's 21 years old. Why is she so IRRESPONSIBLE?! I'm falling to pieces because there's not a god damn thing I can do about any of this.
I am bisexual and I am not out to anyone, except on the net. In recent years, my friends in the girl's school has been starting to date one by one. So with the fact that I am known for good advice and I am single, I became some kind of "Dear Abby" figure and everyone of my friends started coming to me for help. At first I was fine with that, until everyone started feeling guilty for how they were using me.
Now I’m going to live life in the way that it has never been lived before,
the world is one huge stage and I am the protagonist,
I will give the audience what they want and need, uncensored entertainment-
I will perform and shout out in the grand ostentation that befits such a podium.
a lot of people will criticise me and bicker about trivial mistakes made on stage
when in reality a lot of the same people only wish they could be me, have my role…
Okay, I have sent like three or four private messages to people, but they never know, because the stupid thingy always says "(0)" so you never know if you got mail or not. People who should check their inboxes are ScottAJ, Jacob Schweda, and etherealmonster, because I sent all of you messages, and it would be nice if someone would acknowledge me!!!!! >:(
hey ppl wats up? idk wat to put i dont write much i like reading wat everyone writes cuz its all kick butt...lol..yea..hmm...i was wonderin if there was ne1 from texas here idk juss typing stuff kuz im not tired and yea well write bak if u want hmm....k there im done borin ya bye
I'm bitchin' about how many of the "butch" guys look down on us femme guys (yes, for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I consider myself femme). OK, maybe its only the butch guys I know, but, in my (probably not so) humble opinion, but to judge someone outright by who we identify ouselves as is totally wacked up. I mean, we all hate it when someone judges us for being lgbt, so why do we turn hypocritical and judge other lgbt.