my goodness, my mother is really testing my patience and my sanity...i screw up in a few classes and she takes away my privilage of going to a beach cabin with my friends (the girl i like was gonna come as well and i was going to talk to her about how i feel about her)...and she also still gets on my case about being bi... SHE IS DRIVING ME LOLO!!! MY GOD!!! HYAAAAA!
Who the freak breaks up with you in the early morning hours through a freaking text message??????
iLOOKatTHEstars1 (2:37 AM): chase...I'm not thinking that this is working out. im just sick of the drama and im just sick of the petty fights. and im sick of"us"; i just cant stand the emotional stress of what we call a relationship. AND IM F**KING PISSED OFF AT YOU.i mean you acted like a f**kin' ass hole when you IMed me and were like 'carol has to get a new CD player because of you.' and then on the phoen when i call to make up for what i said, TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT I F**KING SAID! you throw out the old...ive gotta go... and then the old...bye...and then hang up...i mean WHATEVER.if you want to be pissed off at me...THEN BE F**KING PISSED! BE REALLY PISSED, BECAUSE THEN YOU MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL KNOWING OF WHAT IM FEELING RIGHT NOW.
Okay, so anyway, I'm in my school library, before homeroom, just surfing oasismag, when this kid I only kinda sorta know, who is sitting next to me, reads some of the titles of the threads, and he is like, "What kind of site is this?" and I tell him, "It's a gay youth site." And I tell him a bit about it and he suddenly asks, in an almost scared manner, "Are you gay?" And I say surprisedly (He doesn't know? How could he not?) "yeah. . ." And the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "Um, I'm straight." And I'm thinkin', *did I ask you?* Regardless, he launches into how "okay" he is with it (like it matters to me whether or not he approves), and how he used to live near San Francisco, and how he used to see tons of gay couples and how he saw the gay pride parade on TV, etc etc.
grrrr. i live in texas, as some of y'all know, and we recently had an election. one of the
propositions on the ballot was prop 2: a state amendment making marriage only valid if
between a man and a woman. no other civil unions would be recognized. everyone i talked to
said they voted against prop 2 (a.k.a. they were for gay rights), and i was really excited.
but guess who won? the fucking homophobes. by how much? 76% v 24%. *screams* i'm
I'm tired of living for what happens after i die. What's the point of living on a straight line without breathing space if you're doing it for the afterlife? Heaven? hell? Who cares, you're dead. I want to live, to experience as much as i can and write and sing and draw and cry and laugh about it. I want to know love, i want to know freedom. I want to know loneliness and submission. But i'm not going to submit my life to death before i've even begun. (for any of you that havent caught on, i'm talking abotu religion.)
I think i kind of figured out part of the problem I'm having. I just don't really like who I am, so i get really depressed when I'm with friends, being someone who i dont like. That didn't really come out right, so it probably doesnt make much sense. I've just always liked who I was but now i dont. it's since i came out ive changed a lot and i hate it. i really do. it's like, one part of it is just that now i act gayer, which i think is just awful. its like im convincing myself im gay which i dont have to. i thinkn what it really all comes down to is that i want attention. and i dont know what to do. i dont even know how to say how i feel. this totally isnt making any sense...not even to me. i just hate being me and i don't like my personality anymore...i feel like im becoming a lot more distant from my friends and it bugs me how im excluded from everything. and i can see that some of my friends dont like who i am anymore and i totally understand why they wouldnt.i think i can also be so pissed/upset/depressed because my dad was around this whole week. im not out to him yet, and i think i felt really bad not telling him. it seems like so many of my problems are just subconcious things that i dont feel like i can control. i dont know if i can or not, maybe i just havent learned how to yet. i want someone to comfort me, but i just have no idea who...like i dont know if i want a girl or a guy. I just feeel like i dont want either and i havent for a while. im just going to blame it on the hormones...another issue is that i feel like i may have come out too soon, even though ive known i'm gay for over 2 years. i feel like my options are limited now or something. my mom's been saying,"well how do you know if you want a relationship with a guy if you havent had one with a girl or a guy," and it totally makes sense. its just that now i dont know if i can really have one with a girl because i already came out. i think im moving after this year though, so i guess ill be able to when i move. Whatever. anyone who got this far, thank you. like really. its so cool if you are actually nice enough to read all this crap that doesnt really matter to you. im not really looking for advice, i just have to get it all out of my system. thanks though.
I feel like my life is getting so much worse now that I've come out. I just don't like who I am anymore or something. I'm not even sure what it is. It's not that I've been mistreated or anything, but I just feel like it's almost harder now. The other day i started crying, which i never do. Like, never. It was sooo weird. It was at my brother's eagle court of honor for boy scouts and i don't know if it was because of the speech he was giving or because i was the thinking about being gay in scouts or what. It was just so strange. and earlier that morning i had almost started crying just singing a song in my head. Plus, my dad's in town and he doesnt know im gay yet, so i feel like im hiding it from him which i guess i am. I'm just not as happy as i used to be...i keep feeling more depressed.. I've even thought about cutting, which it totally not me at all. I dont' know what's wrong with me...i just don't like me. I used to love who i was and be totally happy with it, but not anymore. its not just the gay thing either, its so much more. I feel like im just a really mean person, but i dont want to be. I'm just so frustrated. And my mom is bugging me too about the whole gay thing. And my whole boyfriend dilemma...that was a bitch. Just so much shit is happening and i dont like it. and then i feel like im asexual which a huge issue becuase its like questioning if you're gay. then that makes me think that maybe im not gay because im not turned on by guys as much anymore, but im not turned on by anyone. I think my stupid boyfriend problem really fucked me up. whatever. I need to get back to my homework...just had to let that all out. I feel better now.
So, before we begin, I just wanted to tell everyone something that I think you would all enjoy. So, October 11th was National Coming Out Day, and, what GLEE (Gays Lesbians and Everybody Else) did was had a gay cake with a rainbow flag and people ate that, signed a banner with the sentence "I would support someone who came out to me" and colored their own Safe Zone signs. Anyway, another thing we had done is put up the Gay Pride Flag on the flag pole near the entrance of the campus. Anyway, 16 days later, it is still up!!! WOO-WOO!! I imagine there have been plenty of complaints, but that red, blue, purple, etc, is still hanging up out there. It was out for Open House, Family Weekend, and by golly, we plan on leaving it out till The Laramie Project is performed by Babson's Performing arts department.
im begining to hate a lot of people.
everyone thinks that im too girl crazy for a relationship and that im "all over eeery girl"
and that i think too high of myself and im wayyy to conceited.
when none of that is true. i have an amazing girlfriend that i never want to loose.
i know i look good but i dont go around thinking im better then everyone..
and just because i put my arm around someone im "all over em"
i had an attack of my heart again. ive been so stressed at work i dont know what to do. my dad is riding me to get these programs written and sent in. one of them is so complicated its for student and its about scence and physics and my father thinks i can write them without thought. it couldnt talk to carianne yesterday because i was in the hospital all night and im tired and i cant sleep without her.
Being out to my family really isn't enough-I still feel so...pissy. I got home today and found out I had left my Algebra II book at school. Now, instead of being mildly annoyed, I practically began sobbing. It's just a homework assignment worth 5 points that I needed to do! Yet my world ended.
I hate people having this false perseption of me, of not being honest with the wrold. For years I lied to myself and those around me about liking guys, it's time to stop being a hypocrit. I mean, my family should have taught me the dangers of that!
How am i supposed to tell if the guy im in love with is feeling the same way about me. We hang out alot and have been, like, inseparable, and we're getting really close, but I'm confused because said he said he liked this girl (and is always talking about girls) but he also asked me if I liked anyone and if I had ever had a girlfriend and he was pretty interested. I know that we are really good friends and I don't want to risk freaking him out by saying anything but I want to and tomorrow is Coming Out Day.
ok why are parents so lame. i have seriously proven myself to them so many times and they still don't trust me. i have made mistakes in the past and have been trying to redeem myself for so long. i don't know what else i can do to prove to them that i am not the same person i used to be. tonite they told me that no matter what i do they can never trust me to do what i want to do. if u ask me that's the stupidest damn thing i have ever heard.
'Cause if the service goes like my dad said it might, I'm 'a gonna get out a shotgun and go 'a huntin'. It's not that I don't like my maternal grandmother....oh wait...I know that sounds terrible, but she goes and spreads these lies about my mother knowing full well my mother was ill and wouldn't remember most of it. I mean, she's manipulative, rude and knows nothing of my mother's wishes.
ok, well i'm kinda confused about some of the gay rights. i am from connecticut (US) as far as i know gay marriages aren't legal in connecticut; but gay couples are aloud to adopt in connecticut. where's the sense in that? then it says that often times gay couples are denied adoption (rather than individuals) because they are required to be married. ok, so they won't let gay couples get married in connecticut, but they will allow them to adopt, then they say that you must be legally married to adopt....wth??
Since my attempt at a Youth Group that doubled as a GSA was shot down, a few more kids came out to me as either gay or a straight ally. I mean even a few 11 year olds supported what I was doing. Well I will try the idea again in a few years.
Hi folks this is my first try at writing for Oasis,
a site that I have long admired (since 1997) yet have never felt that what
I could contribute would be either accepted or appreciated.
Why you may ask, it that?
See, I'm one of the invisible people in the gay community, the kind of guy
most gay men wouldn't give a second glance to as I walked by them, or helped
them on a professional basis. At a gay club chances are I would be mocked,
I get so incredibly depressed about a life I involuntarily inflict upon myself, that I have finally admitted defeat and let the Internet's blogging fashion assimilate my thoughts. So here goes.
My life seems to be saturated in hypocrisy and irony, all emanating from me.
For example, I do so hate people asking me if I'm gay or not. My answer is irrelevant - they will always think I am (I'm extremely camp...and gay) - but I always answer 'no' which will of course just lead to more people asking me, because every individual (regardless of what they've been told) needs, for some reason, individual assurance that I'm not.
Yes, I really do hate her. And I think it's really screwing me up. I can't even be honest with her; she'll punish me if I say anything she doesn't want to hear. Really, if I "hurt" her (emotionally), she'll yell and make me apologize, even if it was true. And if I don't she'sll kick me out of the house. My dad will have to pick me up, and eventually he'll make me apologize and make up. I do it for him.
Cartoon Network removed the Naruto/Sasuke kiss from Episode 3 of Naruto! Way to overplay it! Having seen the Japanese version fan-subbed I can vouch for it being completely inoffensive. It was two boys falling into each other's faces for goodness sake. Their lips accidentally touched. The fact that Sasuke is completely hot is neither here nor there, it wasn't like they were passionately making out. It was an accident dattebayo! >.<