These are just gay pride buttons/stickers you can buy... I can't get them to show up as pictures so I'll give you the links...

'Make Out' -- http://www.stickergiant.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_C...

'Remember...' -- http://www.stickergiant.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_C...

Driving around, tonight, in the fog. It's beautiful and scary. You can maybe see twenty feet in front of you. Everything is all hazy. The streetlights make everything orange. Like you are driving into a sunset. The leftover bits of a sunset. Those orange ones. Those red and orange sunsets. The farm lights are like little lighthouses guiding you home. And you know you've been here before. This is the same path you take every night. But it's different because it's all foggy and you can't see anything. So you forget you've been this way. All whole new journey and when you finally get home it's like you've returned from this long expedition. A wary traveler returning home. Cats are running about. Playing their own little secret games. Like little dock workers. Going about. Doing their jobs. You don't know what they are doing. But you know they are busy and hard at work. It's all a dream. So beautiful. This adventure. This is what adventure should be like. Mysterious. A mystery around every corner. You never know what's going to happen. This is what I want.

self portrait, taken with a pinhole camera

i just love that picture. the only better photograph of me would be one where my face was hidden by a book. heh.

Eee I was just on a website for gay teens, and I was looking in the personals just to find a friend, someone I could talk to. And I found this girl...and I saw her picture...and I thought I was going to drop dead. She is SO gorgeous!!! Oh my god! And this is weird for me because this is the first time I've ever gotten so 'ohmygodohmygodohmygod' over a girl before. Because, like some other people here, I've noticed that I feel differently for the different genders.

My message:

I was a Girl Scout when I was younger, but due
to my family moving around a great deal, I
was never able to rejoin.

Recently, the subject of the Boy Scouts not
allowing gays to pledge came up. I was
wondering if Girl Scouts has a similar
"discrimination", not so much for me, but for
my friend.

The Setting:
A small music venue. A local band is playing a weird hybrid of klezmer and opera.

The Cast of Characters:
Me: a closeted and insecure bi teenager.
Friend: a pretty good friend. He has a car, and often gives me rides to concerts, etc.

We open with my friend and myself sitting on a couch near the back of the club. We are enjoying the music, tapping our feet, etc. My thoughts and interior dialogue are indicated by brackets.

My teeth aren't straight do you like it when I smile
My hair is always a mess do you still like it best
Sometimes I want to be protected
Sometimes I want to protect
My eyes are to green can you still get lost in them
I can't dance do you mind if I step on your feet
Just a little bit
Sometimes I want to Follow
Sometimes I want to lead
My arms aren't always open do you still like my bed the best

Wow. And I was just getting mopey yesterday for my stuff never being read or people writing be back when i write them long responses. And I wake up this morning, and my storys right there. It makes me feel good. Besides, my dad says he wants to send it to the New York Times... I think I will have some spell checking to do...but other than that, i just hope that you guys do read it and actually respond because theres no other way for me to know what is good or bad about it!

I sit and stare at the gray sky and wonder where you are. I wonder if you care. I feel deviod of emotion, empty, just there.

I can see your face floating in front of me. Your straight pink hair that looks so adorable on you, your blue eyes and cherry lips god I miss you. How can I tell you that I never should have left you the first time? Sure, you may frustrate me, but I love you nonetheless.

okay she decides to kill herself because her girlfriend left her. her girlfriend comes to the house on the morning of their anniversary and leaves the tapestry as a gift to her and of course she makes the fire too. thats why when she looks at the picture she cries and there is no one there to comfort her. she is alone and she doesnt understand why. so she decides that life isnt worth living.
i know it is hard to get all that from the poem so ive decided to revise it and put in some stuff that will make more sense.

Avril Lavigne -- Losing Grip
Can I help it if I love the girl?

God I just need to get some shit off my chest. I feel like I've been crying, even though I haven't. I hate him. I hate him.

Hate. Death, guilt, lyfe, fuck, all of them tyr to state something on my arms. Yes, I am one of those people who do S.I. I stopped for a little while, but I just started doing it again. It's not like it's something I enjoy doing or anything, it's more like a stress relief thing and I feel like I'm drowning in stress prolems that I helped to create I walked out of church today my parents got pissed but I don't believe in their righteous shit according to them I don't exist I'm immoral a whore who will burn in hell with the murderers and rapists and terrorists it's crazy I hate it hate hate hate

The Doctors - your fault (Die Ärzte - Deine Schuld)
(my own translation - lyrics)

Did you already get angry today, was it bad again today?
Did you ask again, why no one wants to try something [new]?
You must accept nothing that doesn't fit you at all
Because you don't just have your head for wearing a hat

It is not your fault that the world is how it is,

Gah.... I had a dream just a few minutes ago...and I have no idea who this girl was, but we kissed. And all I know is that it felt so god damn good. This sucks... :(

I have yet to experience my first kiss.

Well, I emailed EJ. I told her that I just wanted to apologize for fighting with her when we broke up; I had promised that I would be there for her and I would at least try to understand if she ever needed to tell me anything or if she wanted to break up. I really do feel bad about that whole incident. She emailed back saying "it's okay, it's all good now." But I really feel bad, and it isn't okay. I should have kept my word, and I really regret what I did. Hopefully we can still be friends.

i now feel my wounds that are inner and i caress them roughly for this brings a sensation i know i like. enough is what is happening inside me. enough is how i feel. more you say? okay. i go on in spite of the darkness which threatens to entrap my mind. brightness invades these curtains, now we must draw then aside. awaken to a clean fresh mind. a clean fresh opportunity for me to be happy. do not fear little one you are safe in your own arms. i believe in it. i believe in this love, this blinding sensational appetite i have for new loving. open to me lovely. open to me. spread yourself wide. i know that you cried. settle yourself between my thighs and feel the warmth destined to encompass you. immerse yourself in me, let yourself be free. just try to accompany, these great swarms of infant minds awaiting your designs. you lay in my lap, the sun beating down on your lithe naked self. and we commence to heat up to leak into eachother. to break upon the shores to cast away these fears to transcend to higher imaginings. hold me and you'll see how it is to be happy. i lift me up and pray to goddess today. i say your name with prid. i am not going to hide. sing with me now the harp will join our song. we'll dance all night long. in my arms we'll stay, for always. write me a lullaby so that together we may cry. cry words of warriors and of queens of giant pigs with wings. more is wanted on my part. i know how tired you are. just a little longer, open for me baby. an endearment such as this shows me you're in bliss. look here in my eyes, see that i'm not telling you lies. cover you with my pelt of patches and of pines. we make love on fields of green, rolling hills on trenchers which are long. in these boats of substance which make you drunk on life. pine for me my love. pine while im away. your conscience will hold out no matter what you say. listen, hear the choral sound of angels world wide, they sing endlessly. here we are now, in a boat above the bow. sailing away, far, afar away to places we'll never even stay. to return to our home in the womb of the world in the embrace of sea spanned depth of ocean's bluest tides of darkest northern sides. i am not alone. i am not alone. currents upon the air floating up into the sky. forward with our lives. fire breathing in our soul, fire heating up my belly. creeping into my loins when i see you opposite me.come here into my heart. settle no less apart. beating one in one holding on to sin as if it were my son. is it enough to breathe? is it enough to die? look here into my mind, its where the answers lie. warmth all over, from my toes to my brain. a furnace of understanding, a bowl overflowing with trust. thats you this is me together on the wonders of the invisible. in winter, in the dark we'll lay beneath the snow, caressing our cores, holding in which means more. no more now, lets sleep. i love i love, my love. curls of brown tresses soft against my cheeks, rosy red lips to kiss away the pain. now i am ready to feel you. to really feel you, inside and out. all over. this is sensual, this is the end. this is the definition of living. and no one says it like i do.

Light, enduring dark. these lit flames. these flames create shadows which caress my body as i lay sleeping in the dark room behind my closed eyes. we dance, a bonfire within me, makes warmth throughout my being. i feel the plush grass beneath my chapped feet. i feel my hands touching the secret places of my soul. i feel my heart beating when it should not. i taste life on the tip of my tongue. i taste the sea on the wind as i swallowthe air, oxygen to carbon dioxide.

Hey everyone...I'm new here and would love to chat w/ anyone who feels up to it.
email me at deathzangel2006@yahoo.com...okay i think thats it for now!
for more info, just ask and ill send! peace and blessed be!
xxxAprilxxx

This is a story/rant/journal entry of sorts. I wrote it not too long ago. Enjoy.

Parental Guidance

I look you up and down from my seat in front of the computer. Your hair
is thin and your face is sagging. You are short and getting stout. You are
flabby with little muscle on you. I almost laugh. You are old. Used up.
But loathing stays my laughter. You look at my story on screen and I get

Cloud from FF is HOTT! EEEE. There's this one picture that makes me melt. Oh my gooooooddddddddddd. And when it shows him walking by...and he looks at the camera... in one of the trailers (I forget which). Oh my gosh........yeah....I'm in love with a video game character!!!