"to love", or to find the
the parts shattered
in you, yet
deciding to
touch that
broken
glass.

(see also: the voice within
that speaks inside me
at 3 AM, dreaming
of your body
replacing the
heating
unit.)

Three things on my mind: my future with my girlfriend, my classes, and joints

*inspired by Brian and Michael from Queer as Folk :P

The sun dies in your irises as you lie in bed,
clutching a joint between your fingers and
savoring the memory of a fight on your lips.
Friend, you start the evening off like a burst
of color and light brighter than a carousel,
but towards the end of the rave, you're
already bored and empty so you turn
to hospitals and dramatic suicidal promises,
threatening to jump if I don't hold your hand.
Manipulating the seasons in Pittsburgh,
my friend, you drive me wild.
But somehow, I'm always playing this game.

Sleep.
Walk.
Dream.
Talk.
Eat.
Sleep.
Walk.
Kick.
Think.
Eat.
Take.
Mean.
Love.
Care.
Hate.
Share.
Eat.
Ate.
Ale.
Nord.
Loki.
Thor.
Child.
Sky.
Star.
HAL.
Jove.
Cloud.
Sky.
Sleep.
Dream.
Love.
Troll.
Jotunn.
Eat.
Ginsberg.
Sleep.
Fuck.
Talk.
Fuck.
Fae.
Fairy.
Puck.
Oberon.
Gaiman.
Eat.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Dream.
Moloch.
Howl.
Castle.
Fire.
Calcifer.
Lucifer.
Devil.
Dante.
Milton.
Paradise.
Lost.
Television.
Once.
Snow.
East.
Nine.
March.
French.
Canada.
South.
Cake.
Lie.
Chel.
Skyrim.
Game.
Waste.
Sleep.
Sleep.

My, My, Mister Moloch,
Take me in your arms.
Please make me a sick sinner-
Please, please, just you try.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
Hold me to your breast.
Bring me close, eat me up,
That's when I'll take you.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
How do you like that?
Stabbing you inside your throat;
Kill you in your gut.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
Didn't expect that
did you, bloated king of filth?
Guess I'll take my leave.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
bleeding on the ground.
How long's it been since Ginsberg?
Think he's smiling now?
My, My, Mister Moloch,
I'd love to stay and chat,

I'm back! I'm doing better than ever! I am still single but happy. I still talk to my ex, and we're friends now. I believe you can be friends with your ex. My life is back together. I love it. I'm hoping that the doctor let's me off my anti-depressants really soon! I'm on a sleeping pill because my body has a hard time falling asleep. I'm finally sleeping in my own room. I used to be scared of my room but I like it now. I have 4 new best friends. We hang out like all the time. This weekend is one of my friends birthday! I'm so excited. We're going to Universal Studios together.

that makes people hate the way I love that makes them want to get away from me.
they don't even know
the real story
because if they did

what is it about me
that makes the girls want to judge
their eyes don't lie

they are the ones that are afraid
afraid I might love them
afraid that if they felt the same way

what is it about them
that makes me think
that makes me sin

does god know
does he even know
he made me this way
he knows every inch
every pain
every dirty thought
yet he doesn't punish me

is the bible a lie?
is my love a lie?
I feel it like I feel the air

She always sees me, talks to me, knows my name and the reason for my laughs. She knows everything about me. She's nice but if she knew who I really was, how I really felt, she would hate me, the very part of me that loves, has to be hidden.

Hidden out of sight. Hidden from the world. Hidden from myself.

I wouldn't care if anyone else knew, just her. The very person I want to tell I am too afraid to tell. Because if she knew she wouldn't love me she wouldn't even care. I don't even think she would still want to be friends.

So Last night I told one of my good friends Ruby that i thought i was a bisexual because she is openly a bisexual so i thought that she would understand better:)

It was so relieving to finally admit who you truely are to someone obviously this site has helped, It gave me the courage to tell somebody, but telling a friend and having them hug you and reassure you and help. The feeling is great!

my heart was a street so dark, a small country road where drunk drivers drive too fast, where metal bodies collide with small animals. winter was an unbearable season. on the good days the ice was thick and the cars went right off the road, out of control ; on the worst of them the snow was so heavy to even see and people preferred to stay indoors.

Site appears to be back, but I never heard from adrian that he fixed it (which usually happens), so good chance it broke itself and then fixed itself, which means very likely it will break itself again...

Bass bass bass bass

I rock my head back and forth
headbanging feeling like a badass

bass bass bass bass
music tries to fill the abyss inside
but ive stayed up the whole night yearning
sun rise this pain can't hide
u look around searching for the boy of your dreams
I run around frantically
on hot pursuit to be in your crosshairs
transperancy is me aslong as the wear of those apartheid glasses
contemplating ways to seperate myself from the masses
the lord said that our bodies are temples

I really don't know know what to do.

I came out to her around last Christmas, and she doesn't... she doesn't talk to me about it at all and when I try to broach the subject with her it's all awkward. Lately it seems like she's trying to show more attention toward me like she's trying to show some kind of support, but it doesn't feel like she's accepting me. It feel's like she's trying to humor me and doesn't believe me.

Easter was going nicely for me. My mom's family gathered at my grandma's house for smoked ham and prayers, as we do every year, and my cousins and I were reconnecting after months of barely speaking. Not out of spite or any disagreements, but they're both...adults now. One's in college with a boyfriend, the other has a job and a girlfriend he plans to marry and I can't keep up. But the boyfriend and girlfriend weren't with us for once, so I had my cousins all to myself for the first time in awhile. So we hung out and it was nice.