i suppose that when i take
pills but i'm not sick
it really means i'm
sicker than i
thought i
was.

The first bit is quite trivial but the other stuff not so much.

I started watching this show that's been off the air for a number of years. I'm really enjoying it. So I post a question to a forum a week or so ago explicitly stating that I'm watching the show for the first time, don't want spoilers, ect. What do I get? Some douche private messaging me humongous spoilers. Ugh. People. No respect. No consideration. No nothing.

There were no goodbyes scrawled
on the bed frame,
no apologies painted on the floor
with tea and chalk.
Those words didn't
exist in your vocabulary, lover,
because you weren't
supposed to feel anything.

But then I came along with
my searching blue eyes and
demanding lips and you couldn't
just get rid of me like all the rest, no..

The seductive rain hit the windows
with an angry hand and made
the sky shrivel up like vanilla skin
and we stripped off our clothes
under a cluster of police lights;
strawberry red and turquoise fear.
You kissed my mouth like a Sadie

I'm not sure how I feel about everything that's happend this week. But from what I can tell is that this must be the smoothest week I've had in a few months. Nothing big or insane happened but nothing bland or dull either. Should it be left up to me, yes I'm quite content. However one will always be slightly non.

from black to blue to bluer still
you wanted higher, but
i'd rather stay
i'd rather
drown

I don't think I've written about this, but I got two records at this awesome store in Cambridge, Massachusetts: Coexist: Deluxe Version by the xx and F#A#∞ by Godspeed You! Black Emperor, which is by far the coolest record I have ever seen. It was less than $20 and it came with more stuff than any other record I know of, at least for the price. They are the best band to get on vinyl (followed closely by Neutral Milk Hotel).

Also, I'm going with a friend to see Animal Collective in concert in June, so fuck yeah.

Onto the most recent event:

Legend of Dawn by: Kazukiyo Nishikiori

I knew there must be something wrong with my sexuality when I was young.. It even became stronger during the prepubescent years until I became a teenager.. As a Christian I knew definitely that something like this is not tolerable and though contemporary views that sprouted obviously defend that it's alright to be gay.. I decided to come out when I was a young adult but all I had afterwards were regrets... I've never been in a serious relationship in either gender but I have done some not so serious things with the same gender.. I knew it's wrong but my urges eventually get me..

Things will probably be the same on the outside yet on the inside there is doubt and concern. Unfounded? perhaps, but it is also not out of the realm of possibility that there be founded doubt and concern. One's thoughts can keep one awake at night. Anxiety, stress, concern, lonelyness, struggle, wants, needs... All can keep one from sleep.

Has anyone else noticed that queer people just seem to gravitate to each other, even without knowing each others' sexualities?
My friendish thingy Aleksandra is pan, and her BFF is some variety of queer.
But more importantly, both my friends Katrina and Emily are pan/demi/bi (they're kind of fluid). Katrina came out first during conversation backstage at Puss in Boots today and Emily and I just kind of followed. It was nice to know I'm not alone, and have my secret out there so easily.

"to love", or to find the
the parts shattered
in you, yet
deciding to
touch that
broken
glass.

(see also: the voice within
that speaks inside me
at 3 AM, dreaming
of your body
replacing the
heating
unit.)

Three things on my mind: my future with my girlfriend, my classes, and joints

*inspired by Brian and Michael from Queer as Folk :P

The sun dies in your irises as you lie in bed,
clutching a joint between your fingers and
savoring the memory of a fight on your lips.
Friend, you start the evening off like a burst
of color and light brighter than a carousel,
but towards the end of the rave, you're
already bored and empty so you turn
to hospitals and dramatic suicidal promises,
threatening to jump if I don't hold your hand.
Manipulating the seasons in Pittsburgh,
my friend, you drive me wild.
But somehow, I'm always playing this game.

Sleep.
Walk.
Dream.
Talk.
Eat.
Sleep.
Walk.
Kick.
Think.
Eat.
Take.
Mean.
Love.
Care.
Hate.
Share.
Eat.
Ate.
Ale.
Nord.
Loki.
Thor.
Child.
Sky.
Star.
HAL.
Jove.
Cloud.
Sky.
Sleep.
Dream.
Love.
Troll.
Jotunn.
Eat.
Ginsberg.
Sleep.
Fuck.
Talk.
Fuck.
Fae.
Fairy.
Puck.
Oberon.
Gaiman.
Eat.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Dream.
Moloch.
Howl.
Castle.
Fire.
Calcifer.
Lucifer.
Devil.
Dante.
Milton.
Paradise.
Lost.
Television.
Once.
Snow.
East.
Nine.
March.
French.
Canada.
South.
Cake.
Lie.
Chel.
Skyrim.
Game.
Waste.
Sleep.
Sleep.

My, My, Mister Moloch,
Take me in your arms.
Please make me a sick sinner-
Please, please, just you try.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
Hold me to your breast.
Bring me close, eat me up,
That's when I'll take you.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
How do you like that?
Stabbing you inside your throat;
Kill you in your gut.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
Didn't expect that
did you, bloated king of filth?
Guess I'll take my leave.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
bleeding on the ground.
How long's it been since Ginsberg?
Think he's smiling now?
My, My, Mister Moloch,
I'd love to stay and chat,