Not sure I've got time to sit and work out the ins and outs of the new system, so this'll have to do for now!

Things are so confusing right now. Those of you who used to read my column "Piccolo.Oasismag" will know that I've been seeing a therapist, but my GP and I talked, and I admitted that I wasn't sure that it was helping. Soooooo, I have to go see a psychiatrist, which is pretty damn scary!

I wrote a little thing about seing my name on the side under "new users" and thinking, "hey, I'm not a new user! I've been around forever..."

But then it disappeared... obviously, despite extensive LJing, I haven't got this blog thing down... oh well.

The new site looks fantabulous, thanks to all the people who put it up, esp. Mama Jeff and Adrian. Much queer love to everyone.

here i am having this sore throat...............went shopping today.....umm, i really need a pair of jeans...can't find a watch i like.......and i'm still coughing from i dunno what

maybe i should turn in early, afterall i promised to have breakfast wif some frens.....then again, when have i ever been on time, lol.

anyway, dun trust mp3 editing programmes. they almost never work....

that some people just have toooooooo much fucking time.

Disco Squirrels

I am waiting anxiously for latest toy to arrive. ... mwahahaha.

Pretty soon I'll have my own arcade cabinet in my living room. Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, etc etc. mmm.. can't wait.

Over the last few years, I've been trying to assert my identity and I've run into some problems as a gay black male. I don't seem to exist. At least not in the sense of having a visible and accessible community to fall back on. During the entirety of my coming out and my identity development process I've understood this to en extend but still tried to explore the communities open to me. At the time that I was coming out this meant exploring gayness and getting a feeling for gay culture. I failed at joining some type of larger gay community in high school or finding a group with any strong gay identity (except for this one youth center) and I had no idea how to incorporate my gayness and blackness.

Have you ever gotten that one phone call where everything stops and all u can hear is your heart racing and the other person

As I write these words I am seething towards my parents.

I don't even like that word for them.

Granted there are worse.

However, my mother's control issues piss me off to no end.

I'm 18 years of age. I can legally vote, smoke, buy porn and rent a hotel room.

I cannot, however, take walks at night. Go anywhere alone. Use public transit. She expects the school to call if I don't show up to my 7:00 AM class (when school starts ay 8:00) because I might have died on the way there.

.

First of all, I really (and I hate to ask for this, here or anywhere, but it is a necessity) need a livejournal code. If anyone has an extra one (or something. I'm not 100% sure how the code thing works) and would be willing to give it to a stranger in need, email me at creamsoda17@hotmail.com.

Aside from that, some random snippety drabble things I have written recently:

Did you every cry so hard you soul bled out I never have but I think I would very much like too and I never cry it is almost a physical impossiblity for me and why does it hurt so much to not hurt numbness is never good and I

Attempting creativity.

I can count how many times I felt cool since puberty on one hand, but today, I realized just how cool I am. I won

Oh the afternoon. The sun is out and if I were outside I might hear birds and see squirrels. Mother nature is dangling the sensations of spring in my face, the sick motherfucker!

All Alone All Alone
I went everyone to know
This is who I am, This is who I am
But what if I'm not what I say
Its a lie, Its a lie
Just like before
I want an excuse
An excuse to be depressed
Im telling myelf a lie to be different
I brainwashed myself
I dont know the truth
Who I am, What I say, nothing is true
I just want attention
I want everyone to see me
I want to be noticed
I feel confined when no one knows

So were going to the bar to play pool...sounds like fun...