Grarl! I hate being in the closet. I hope that my High School will have a Gay Straight Alliance. If not I am gonna have to start one. I hope there are other queer people there also, because who would join if there wasnt.............. ugh....

Feel like you're stuck in a cage unable to get through the metal bars?? Trapped, having to watch the others being free to do what they want to do??? Contained in a box you can't get out of???? Call 1-800-UNDO-LES. You will be able to push open the lid and pull yourself OUT. hahaha. I really wish they had something like that going on...bleh.

The future I fear will eventually descend on me too suddenly and my fragile body will be shattered in a painful way....

what do you think of friends with benifits?

I write this with the hope of recovering some confidence in myself, confidence that

Well, It has happened. My lttle brother has proved ignorant and rude. A symbol of the young teens of the world today. I had an MSN conversation with him just now. here is the txt

JB Says: J** Whats up?

J** Says: Who is this?

JB Says: Your brother, silly!

J** Says: Faggot!

JB Says: Thats not nice J**, swearing like that!

J** Says: Shutup Faggot!

JB Says: J** Whats wrong with you?

and where does it lead? To a haven? To a hell? Who knows, lets just follow it... Like life. You don't know where it is going to take you, and yet you press on, through the good times and the bad, you keep on going.

I really like how the word "ill" looks all word prcessed with a capial letter. So important. But I am. Ill that is.

squirrel: n. 1 tree-dwelling rodent with a bushy tail. 2 fur of this animal. v.tr. hoard

What do you think about Mardi Gras and the weirdos in Louisiana?

The most important reason I consider myself a smoker is because I am definately not a non-smoker. What do you call a half smoker? A social smoker? That sounds lame. I make the deliberate choice to spend part of my income on a vice of my choice. I understand the health implications and chose this anyway. As for having the paraphenalia on me most of the time, I always had a lighter. (I didn't smoker but I could *clink clink* take care of the ladies that did). My purse, backpack, pocket will likely have a cigarette in it whether I smoke it that night or not.

I decided last night that sometimes I really am crazy. My mind just doesn't know what's going on, and I completely lose it.

my head hurts. i hate stress. i'm sorry i don't have anything more interesting to say

Little well known that its been a year and a half since my father had a stroke. Untill today he had this nasty chest cold and went to the hospital. Bronconist, not unusual to me since I had it as a kid. But the xray shows otherwise, he also has some abcess on his lung. They are sending it to a speicalist.

I remember writing oasismag about my fathers anarysm and had small partual of his brain removed and how it was a biggest scare for all of us. A year and a half later hes still smoking and they found unknown abonomonly in his chest. How dumb is that? Part of me dont feel sorry, and I feel wicked for it. Hes my father. *Sigh* Men never changes.

yeah, today i was lighting a cigarette with a match in my car and somehow i thought that fire doesn't burn. So two fingers on my left hand have little burns on them. This means i can maturbate only with my right hand. Life's a bitch.

So boobs suck. Well, not everyone's, just my boobs. So recently I have been thinking about a breast reduction, because life would be much easier with smaller boobs. I probably wont get one, because I pride myself in loving myself for who I am, and I want to learn to love my breasts in all their bigness. If they were so big that they caused me serious health problems then I would be much more likley to go through with it, but the're not.