well, That was an interesting birthday.

So, there was a message board topic looking for non-fiction and lesbian novels, and in my misreading, I started preparing a list of some of the best gay books I've read. Halfway into it, I realized i was off-topic, but decided it might be good to post this and steer people away from some of the really bad gay fiction (read: most of it).

Thats the one thought raging through my head....I think Chris is completely gone. Atleast the Chris I once knew. He is completely psycotic now! One moment I am like his best friend the next I am some raving bitch who couldnt mean less to him. I really dont need this right now either. Its scary because recently he has gotten violent. He completely flipped out on me today, and with my past, it just makes me want to run away from the world.

Of taking my writing and doing something with it. Every one tells me I can write and I have the talent, but in a way I fear it. I fear rejection and negative comments. Although the negativity only provides me with a reason to prove people wrong. I dont know what to do with my writing. I write and write but thats it. And my english teacher doesnt tell us about any writing contest things because in her words "you are honor students and can strive to do better things with your lives". But to me there is nothing better than writing and being a writer. So that kinda puts me in a tough situation. I am highly pissed off that my school dropped Advanced Creative Writing. And since my creative writing teacher is leaving I cant use him as my teacher in an Independent Study next year. I have disliked all but one of my last three English teachers so yet again I am screwed. My first english teacher didnt like me, my second one was the one i liked but she left and my third and present teacher obviously doesnt value writing as much as I do. ::sigh:: My writin' is going to hell.

It's funny, you can laugh.

Fuck this.

Hi!
This is my first time writing anything online, so give me some nice comments, k?

Obviously, i'm gay. always have been, always will (hear that mom? well, guess not cause u'll never find this website now, will u!) my parents are insanely religious, my dad's an elder at our baptist church of 3000 people. my mom has homeschooled me all my life (what are u laughing at? homeschoolers are cool too!) and so my whole life growing up revolved around church, church kids, homeschool, other good christian homeschool kids. all the way from 7th grade to last fall (11th grade) i had tons of guilt and depression and fears about coming out. my parents had clues last fall when they caught me dating a 23-year-old (stupid) but i convinced them it was a phase. made up some lie about the cute girl i met on the church missions trip to peru. no entirely a lie... and no i'm not bi.

Happy Birthday to me!

This ain't no disco, It ain't no country club either, This Is LA, All I wanna do is have some fun, I'm sure his name is Billy, Mack Or Buddy. All I want to do is have some fun untill the sun comes up over Santa Monica Blvd.

" She was makin eyes at me from across the room and then came over and sat with us, and she played some musical chairs and she ended up beside me, and she laughed at something put her hand up to her mouth and when shebrought ti down it was on my inner thigh, where she made a not so subtle rub" NIte 1 of my Five day b-day celebration.

I know that I can be fairly emotional when it comes to political issues, but I generally respect other people's opinions. However, I have to make an exception with the war in Iraq.

I haven't lived in the United States for over a year and a half, and I haven't left China since I got here. However, from what I'm told by friends and relatives and from what I've read in the papers, a disturbingly large portion of the American population supports the war in Iraq.

We're reading Frankenstien in class and I really relate to this Walton fellow.

Luke called from Anna

so yeah. he's schizofriendic.

I had to read an article about gender for my Sociology discussion class tomorrow, and boy, I'm gonna have fun picking it apart in class.

I just want to go away and never come back.

Have this friend. But we are not what we used to be. First of all I feel like I have been lied to. Like everything our friendship was based upon was merely a game. I dont understand why this is happening but I am so mad about it. All of a sudden they are not who they were when we first met. Its all changed. And so rapidly. Its painful as all hell.
I have a major pet peeve: People who come out to some people as gay but bi to others. How the fuck does that work?!??? To some people your gay but to others that you dont want to know your bi????!!!!? I dont think so. It doesnt work that way. To me it screams "I WANT ATTENTION AND TO BE DIFFERENT SO I AM GOING TO LIE!!!". Yah I dont appreciate that. Not at all. But thats how the above mentioned person is acting lately.

A release, a distraction, call it what you will. For awhile it makes that more important than life, than whatever else has gone wrong. I hate that I am typing this now, I hate that I am fucked up enough to need to be typing this. I hate that I am fucked up enough to do the things I do.