All I can say is WoW, things have sure changed. It's been months since I last visited this site and it has changed... a lot. I think I like it better the way it was but I still haven't gotten used to how it looks so who knows?
Where *have* I been, huh?
Well, I came out to Faith last night.
We were over to Evangeline's place, sitting on her bed, talking about s!it, when at some point she notices that I shave my legs. So, she turns and asks me why.
"I'll explain to you later", I answer. Having already told Evangeline that next time I would come out to Faith, she took this as a signal to leave the room. And she did, but before she left she whispered to me "Now's your chance, do it".
I’m cute, but I’m not a child.
I’m weird, but I’m not creepy.
I’m smart, but I’m not a geek.
I’m funny, but I’m not crude.
I’m good, but not in a take-advantage-of-me way.
I’m ironic, but I’m not mean.
I’m creative, but I’m not withdrawn.
I’m selfish, but I’m not emotionless.
I’m gay, but I’m not queer.
I’m not snotty, I’m not distant, I’m not way-over-the-limit cool.
Well, I did it. I came out to Evangeline. Congratulate me!
She was pretty cool about it, asked a couple of questions, I was not even remotely as anxious as I was when I came out to Lilah, she started touching me more. I told her so and she said "Yeah, I know, it's like there's no chance of misunderstanding any more so I can hug you and show affection with no fear, that's so cool!"
She even asked me if we could go to a gay bar, she says she always wanted to see how it's like. I said "maybe... someday. When I'm ready". Which I'm not yet, but I might be soon.
Damn, I almost came out to Evangeline and Faith yesterday.
We went to the movies and Christopher (one my male bfs - I don’t think I’ve mentioned him) was not gonna come with, so I decided that was the day, I would come out to both of them and let them deal with it together. Then, Christopher decided to come and I changed my mind, seeing as I didn’t wanna tell him. So, I let fate decide: if he came, I wouldn’t come out to the girls, if he didn’t, I would.
Damn, it just hit me right now.
I'm gay! Shoot, fuck, damn.
PS. I decided to come out to Evangeline. I always knew she was the next in line, but I was postponing it for a long time now. But I want to. I just don't know how. I hope it goes the way it went with Lilah. Then, Faith will be the next.
I just came back from a night out with Lilah. It's the first time since I came out to her and it was really fun. I thought it was gonna be all awkward but turns out... nothing like it! We even had a couple of private jokes about it.
1) At some point, I was telling her a joke but she thought it was sick and she said: "Oh my God you so need a boyfriend!" And I was all "hehe, that's cute! Shut up now!"
Oh Father angel
I lost inside this lake all of my coins
I snuk inside my tree and locked the branches
I looked inside my cave and found no drawings
It’s all a shame
I couldn’t just disinter all those tombs
The lights would darken all of these desires
I couldn’t give my fears all of the boons
The scars are fading out from all the faceless
They have no hands to show their seams of sin
They say that happiness lies in those little details in life that cause a smile upon our faces. I was just thinking about that yesterday, trying to find those little things that make me happy every now and then. I was surprised to see how many of them are there.
I love how when it rains, I’m safe inside my room, watching the sky’s tears drop and getting hypnotized by their gracious rhythm.
My parents had a fight last night and my mom left. She went to sleep to her sister's. Now it's morning and she still hasn't come home. She's gone to work, that's all. But will she come afterwards?
I was gonna go out but I wasn't in the mood after that. Instead I just sat and listened to music and watched TV. I couldn't sleep. It's like we're four years back.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I hate to be
I haven't written a journal entry in a long time. Well, not that long, but considering how often I used to at summer, I'd say it's been awhile. Why's that? Well, firstly becoz of my exams. Yep, I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing good. Till now, I think I've passed all of them. The other reason though is because there's nothing I feel like saying. I feel fine! Note that, because it's rare...
Is your beautiful image falling apart?
You thought you knew me, huh?
Well, you were wrong
Does it matter?
What is your problem?
Why can’t you deal?
No I can’t change it
It’s the way I feel
And this is real
So now you know me
Are you disappointed?
Why can’t you handle?
No I can’t change
Believe me, I tried
So many god damn times
Your beautiful image has fallen apart
Ok, this thing with my dad is really getting old…
I swear, one of those days I’m gonna kick his ass!
I mean, I’m busting my ass to pass these exams and he’s all “Yeah, right
First of all: I’m so sick of studying! These two months are gonna be awful, I know it. The most of them, at least. I just started last Monday and I still got a long way to go. 9 lessons in toto. I’ve sat for 2 of them.
Secondly: Yesterday, I did sth a bit stupid. Very stupid, actually. I went out with Luke, we went clubbing, but he wanted to stay along till 4 or 5 am so I promised my aunt I’d take care of him (he’s younger than me, so…). But idiotic him got drunk! So I had to go over to his house, leave a note that he’s sleeping over and then bring him to my place and sober him up with coffee and have him sleep on my bed. I slept on a divan next to him.
“It’s a long shot and you know it