47 Days

msquared — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:51:59 +0400

47 days until I'm at USC.

47 days until I'm free from my parents, and I can be who I want to be not just for 7 hours a day while I'm at school or the few hours I'm with friends on the weekend, but 24/7.

47 days until I'm living in a city for the first time in my life, and culture and diversity and GAY PEOPLE will be alive all around me, rather than being merely dusted over like crops, out of Midwestern suburbia's flawless conservative eyesight, which sees only the things it is willing to accept.

From College Orientation...With Love!

msquared — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 09:33:32 +0400

One word: wow.

I've been in LA since Wednesday for orientation/general sightseeing. I'm leaving on Sunday.

Orientation went well - I feel more prepared for campus life, met some swingin' gentlemen and dames, and have a kickass schedule (no classes on Fridays and my earliest class is 9:30).

Memory.

msquared — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 09:46:41 +0400

It's amazing that my parents were shocked at all when I told them I was gay. I spent most of my free time in middle school reading about interior design, and I even shared with them my steps to transform our living room from drab to fab. My favorite TV shows were Trading Spaces and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

While cleaning out my room today, I found a binder in the back of the closet. Inside were paint samples, room measurements, and sketches of wainscoting and coffee tables. It was my interior design HQ, circa 2003. It was worth a chuckle.

Crying like a baby.

msquared — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:33:15 +0400

That is, after I watched the Season 1 finale of Queer as Folk just now. Although I'd seen it before, it hit me a hundred times harder the second time around. I was BAWLING! It's a big deal to me when I bawl - I hardly ever do, and other than a few tears, I've never full-on, hardcore cried during a movie/TV show.

Maybe I've been watching too much Queer as Folk lately.

msquared — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:43:17 +0400

Or maybe I've just been thinking about my sexuality too much, because I'm caught in that feeling of just absolutely loving everything that is gay - the culture; the aesthetics; the people; the diversity; the beauty; the hope. (Or maybe it means I've been thinking about my sexuality just enough.)

It's my birthday.

msquared — Thu, 14 May 2009 04:26:50 +0400

I felt good for most of the day, which was strange, because I'm usually very depressed on my birthday. The depression has kicked in in the last few hours, though, so I wrote this poem. God knows why I write such nostalgic, regretful, worn out words, like I'm dying or something, when I have such a bright future ahead of me.

Broken

i broke the pot yesterday;
it was an accident.

i left it lying so precariously
on a skinny shoulder of shelf,
much too close to where my hands
weave over the kitchen sink.

i scrubbed the children’s dishes
so hard i bled.
they always cake up

Teachers like having sex with students at my high school.

msquared — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 03:53:02 +0400

Yep, the title says it all. A teacher has been arrested for having sexual relations with a student at my school. The worst part? It happened at my school last year, too. Is that a new record?

It was a female teacher with a male student. The student's in my grade and in one of my classes...at least he's not my friend or anything. That'd be kind of crazy. (But then again, I don't make friends with people who do such stupid things.) I have to say, though...at least the guy was hot...

Decisions, decisions...

msquared — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 09:05:41 +0400

I've been periodically checking the facebook profile of a cute and intelligent boy who goes to my school for the past few months, knowing full well that the "Interested in: Women" section was utterly fallacious. Today it was updated to: "Interested in: Women, Men". It works for me! I think I'd like to ask him on a date - maybe for coffee or something - but the jury's still out. First of all, I barely know him, but we have many mutual friends, so he's probably at least sane. Second, since he just came out, I don't know how ready he is for a relationship.

I don't understand...

msquared — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:57:20 +0400

At the GSA convention, I saw this really cute and seemingly cool gay boy and coincidentally found his profile on facebook, so I friended him. I wrote a little bit on his wall a couple days ago saying hi, I saw you at the convention, just thought I'd drop you a friend request, etc. I was looking back at his profile today and...he deleted what I wrote. I don't understand. Am I that appalling that I can't even touch his chaste and perfect facebook wall? I thought I was pretty cute and a good guy, but I guess I'm not to him...? Do you guys understand why he did that? I don't get it.

This is amazing.

msquared — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 03:57:20 +0400

By George, I love USC.

I was notified a couple of nights ago that I'd be receiving a thousand dollar scholarship from the local USC Alumni Association. I also received an email today that said I'd be getting four thousand from Lambda, the campus's GLBT group, for a cinematic arts scholarship.

GSA Convention

msquared — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 05:46:17 +0400

I've been helping to plan a GSA convention for kids in the St. Louis area for the past several months, and the convention was held last Saturday. About 200 kids showed up. I achieved one of my life goals at the convention - to meet a transgendered person. I've just always been interested in trans people but never actually met someone who is. Amazingly enough, I met a M2F woman from the St. Louis Gender Foundation who volunteered to speak at my GSA!

I got it!

msquared — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:11:29 +0400

You're reading the journal of one of USC's newest line of trustee scholars - I'll receive full tuition at the University of Southern California in LA for four years. =]

Thanks, Point Foundation...

msquared — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 04:39:35 +0300

...for telling me three weeks ago that I was a semifinalist for your scholarship, then notifying me today that you're rescinding your offer. Really, telling me in an email the day I was supposed to have a phone interview with you that you realized you didn't have enough money to fund all of the applications you accepted was much better than giving me the news a month ago before I got my hopes up.

Is anyone else on here a victim?

Ah.

msquared — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 07:52:36 +0300

LA was freaking amazing. USC was unbelievable. The interview was successful, in my opinion; but I guess you never know with these sorts of things.

So first of all, USC: it's the most gorgeous campus I've ever seen. Palm leaves flutter in the breeze over grass as soft as carpet, and majestic stone building creep up above the trees. Everyone I met was kind, intelligent, and unique. Gay pride banners adorned every lamppost on campus in preparation for their Pride Week; I was so amazed that they could DO that without people throwing bitch-fits all over the place. So refreshing.

The Beginning of a Dream

msquared — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 09:11:42 +0300

20 minutes will determine the rest of my life.

Next Friday I will be in LA, interviewing at USC for a full-tuition scholarship. This is what I've always dreamed of - here's my chance to study screenwriting at USC, the best film school in the world, and fulfill my dream of becoming a great screenwriter.