Except, we're in the exact same place we were -before- we kissed. Someone, please explain that to me, because I'm not sure I understand how something that monumental ends up being so utterly pointless. She loves this other guy, and I love her, and this is all understood, but then we -kissed-, and, well... she still loves that other guy, and I still love her, and oh my god, my brain is going to eat itself. What -exactly- am I supposed to gather from this? We haven't talked about the kiss since, but we're hanging out, but she still flirts with him like it's her bloody job, and she says she loves me but I don't know if she means it as a friend, or what, because I'm confused and I can't read her mind and she's sending me mixed messages and I'm torn between jumping her and bitch-slapping her.
So, yeah. There's this girl, see? Let's call her girl A. ...Well, it doesn't really matter, because there's only one girl, but whatever. The point is, there's this girl, and I like her.
Like, a -lot.-
And she's straight. At least, I -think- she's straight. I tend to assume everyone is bisexual until proven otherwise, but I'm pretty sure she's straight. Which sucks immensley.
We've only known eachother for a couple months now, but I think she's really cool, and apparently she thinks -I'm- really cool (a complete misconception on her part, but again, not the point). She invited me as her date to her Senior prom, but that was only because her original date ditched her, and I couldn't go anyways, and it sucked. And she says we need to hang out more, and tells me I'm really easy to talk to, and everything like that, and -then- she tells me, over the phone, that she wishes I was a guy. Of course, I restrained myself from telling her that I wished I was a guy -too,- but that's an entirely different story. The point is, I like this girl, a lot, and she would probably be going out with me if either I was a guy or she swung that way.
I hate straight girls. They'll flirt with you, but it'll never go anywhere. Because they're STRAIGHT. And that makes me angry. I think everyone should be bisexual.
That is all.
Damn. I hate not knowing things. Being half and half and having all the right female parts but wearing all the wrong clothes and saying all the wrong words and doing all the wrong things that make me think my body is out of place... ugh. It would at least help if I knew for -sure- whether or not I was transgendered, or transsexual, but I don't, and not knowing things makes me angry.
And I hate labels. Labels make me angry too, they're so damn constricting... if I don't want to act like a girl, I won't freaking act like a girl. If I want to wear guys pants, I -will,- and it has nothing to do with you so just suck it up. Yes, I have boobs, it's a bit dufficult not to notice them, unless, you know, you're thinking I have some serious man-boobage going on or something, but damn, some people in my school just piss me off. I will tell you why I dress like a guy if I bloody -feel- like telling you why I dress like a guy. Argh. Piss off.
Woah. Uh... I've never done this before. I'm slightly confused, and more-than-slightly stupid, which is never a good combination. So, I labeled this thingy a journal, and, uh... maybe it should be a rant. Or maybe it should just be complaining, do they have a category for complaining? ::checks.:: Nope. That's kind of depressing. They have other, maybe it's an other, and... maybe I'll just shut up now.