I have a new crush. She is awesome. I want to make her more than just a crush. *swoons*

In fairness, I am not too sure anyone is actually going to care about this, but I have posted so many frantic entries about it all year I feel I should keep things updated here. I am talking about that project I felt I was failing all year, the one I need to pass to get into my final year. Well by some miracle, and believe me I mean miracle the examiners have decided to give me the Summer to complete it. So basically I have to do a little work on what I already have and I'm through.

I feel a lot better since writing my journal a couple of days back. Too many things were still too raw, I think, to allow me to write anything more or less than I did.

There is so much I would like to write in this journal entry. There are so many different emotions and feelings I seem to have going on at the moment, honestly I can hardly keep up with myself lately. So I do hope this entry makes some sense at least.

I have been talking to a girl online for a few weeks now. It was a little bit random how we came across each other I guess. I basically posted on a forum a few months ago about not having many gay friends, and she replied by sending me a message. It was over a month before I realised she had emailed me, but when I got back to her she was still interested in getting to know me.

I had a really nice day today. I was supposed to meet a friend and do something, we had not decided what, fun. However she had to cancel due to extreme sunburn...silly girl. So I ended up going shopping with another friend instead. It was fun, I bought a really funky pair of runners, it took me two hours of going in and out of every shop twice until I decided I liked them. Then we went to the park, and just lounged about the place enjoying the weather. I must admit though I did feel jealous of all the couples sunbathing, all wrapped up in each other.

I have been on this site for about three years now I think, and I do love it, so don't take me up wrong, but I used to always wish there could be a site like this except for people living more in my locality....as in living in my country. I didn't actually realise there is. I feel kind of silly now that I have discovered a couple of them. But also happy to have found them. But fear not this place still has it's firm place in my little heart =]

ps I have also only now uploaded an avatar after three years...I feel proud.

I was having lunch with my sister today and she commented, "I'm not really sure what's up with you, you seem bored and not really too interested or something..". I shrugged it off, and said I was tired, but the truth is, she had just summed up the feeling I have been trying so hard to get to grips with for the past while. I am bored and I am uninterested.

My last exam was today =] yay!! The worst strangest craziest college year of my life has officially ended today. Whether I passed or not(that whole project thing I'm still waiting on) it is over. I feel like I should write a longer journal about everything, but I am too tired and I have had some drinks so I think I will wait a while and get back to you gays at a later date.

Did you ever think you knew what you wanted, and then when you actually get it it isn't what you really thought it would be at all? And then you know that everything is changed, and is continuing to change and you can't get the past back but you were miserable there anyway too, so really you wouldn't want to go back. And you just find yourself wishing life could be as good as it is in a song.

Exams start tomorrow....AAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

that is all.

I feel a little old to be posting on Oasis. I have mentioned this before, but I am proceeding to do so anyway, because I generally feel the need to blog, and I have been writing journals on here for the past three years, so I may as well keep them all together, as opposed to moving somewhere else. There is also the fact that I like all the folks around here also =] If I ever seem like the creepy older person hanging around, someone should tell me!

I was thinking today that I have been going through various stages of coming-out/being gay. First off I was all confused and scared, then I was more sure but in the closet, then I came-out a little bit but was all hush hush and scared, then I got a bit more out there and invloved in lgbt stuff, and being gay was this huge deal, but sort of in a good way, like I was all proud to be out there and I think driving my friends a little nuts by talking about it, and now it just is.

Not really, but it seemed like a good title! I mentioned in a journal a week or so ago that I had been kissing a Canadian girl. Well I got her number that night that I had been with her, and she had mine. I however never called her afterwards, mainly because I still have feelings for my other friend, which for some reason or other I can't seem to let go of.

I am going a little nuts at the moment. I generally don't post two journals in the one day, but I am sort of freaking out and cannot sleep (it's 2.45am here). As I think I mentioned a couple of times before, I have a college project that I must pass to pass this year. It is due Monday and it is not done. I will not have it done either.

I spoke to the co-ordinator in charge of the project and told him of my difficulties. I requested a defferal, only to be refused. Despite the fact this project is clearly not going to work, and all my other subjects are suffering because of it.