The last week has been such a a strange one.For most of the week I was so down about so much stuff going on
in my life.I kept crying and I was so miserable.I was feeling really lonely and hurt by so many different
Then some of my friends went to so much effort to do some really nice stuff for me,and I have to say I was
just so cheered up by their concern for me.I know this probably sounds cheesy but its strange sometimes how
My life sucks right now,I feel as though everything is falling apart all at once.I wish I could just lock
myself away and be alone because then I wont be able to be hurt anymore.Everything is just so messed up.
My family have so many issues,my job is a nightmare,and on top of everything i'm bi/lesbian,I 'm not even
too sure.I just feel so miserable.I just burst into tears today and could not stop crying.
Yay I just watched the second season of the L word.What a show people,what a show!Its great!Shane is my hero!
Ok so this probably a pointless entry but I just felt the need to proclaim my adoration of said show!
I stand a lonely silhouette,
And I watch the world run by,
I stand here all alone,
Simply asking why?
Not that anyone ever stops,
Or even hears me cry,
I stand here all alone,
Simply asking why?
I look at faces,
Long lost now to me,
Of people once so close,
Now, so far,
That they can't even see,
The lonely silhouette,
Not a shadow of me.
I wrote this poem a few years ago when I was around 14,I found it the other day I figured I may as well post
W'hu!I'm so over my flu...well sort of...I still have a big red nose
Man this has been such a crapy week,ive got the flu!And people keep telling me to stay away incase I infect
them!I mean c'mon people a little sympathy would be nice!
That really hot girl I refered to in a previous journal entry was messing today and gave me a hug!I was like
holy shit!I was loving it but at the same time felt so incredibly tense.Was kinda funny.Anyways thats all I
got to say.bye bye.
I want to be numb,
I want to be nothing,
I want to come,
I want to be something,
I want too much,
And so I've ended with nothing.
I feel so down today and im not even sure why exactly.I wish I could just be honest and tell people about
my sexuality.Its like I feel like im never being myself because im carrying this huge thing.But I also
like the feeling that I am accepted as "normal" by everyone because they don't know.
On the other hand I hate the fact that people only like me for who they think I am instead of me.I guess
I've been thinking,and I think I will hold off coming out to my sister for a little while.The comment
she made which I wrote about in my last entry was made in a semi jokeing manner,but I just feel a
little uneasy telling her now.I also think she is having some problems in her own life now so I
don't want to dump more stuff on her.I think I will still tell her eventually,I just need to wait a
Man I kinda feel like crap right now.I was talking to my sis earlier and I mentioned aguy we both know that
is gay and she reckons he doesn't count as a 'real man'.This kinda hurt me because does this mean that I
wont count as a real woman if I ever tell her about my own gay feelings.
I think it also knocked me back a bit because I was considering talking to her about how I've been feeling
and my confusion about my sexuality.Now I definitly don't think I will.I think she kinda suspects anyway
Its four in the morning,
And I'm lying awake,
My family are sleeping,
As I ponder what pills will I take,
I don't want to leave them weeping,
But I have to escape,
This tidal wave of I can't explain,
I just need something to ease my pain,
I've screamed for so long,
No one heard what I was saying,
Now my head is thronged,
With too many demons to be slain.
Tear-drops stream down my face,
Thanks guys for your comments on my last journal entry,i've decided to put a little distance between myself
and the girl for a while.I seen her the other day which was cool,but I just don't know how she feels about me
and im just not ready to come out to her to find out if she likes me as more than a friend.I'm just too
confused about whether im bi or lesbian.Somedays I think maybe im straight but I think I would just be