I should be so happy today,but I'm not,I just feel sad.I finally got the college course I wanted.But instead
of offering me a congratulations,a well done,or even an I'm happy for you,my mother is just giving me
the silent treatment again and I don't know why.Everyone else is so happy for me but she doesn't seem to
care,and it hurts so much.
She always does this at special events.She ruined my sisters graduation,and lots of other special events

Ok,so I only made a journal entry yesterday,and I was moaning and being fairly miserable,as I wallowed in
my own self loathing,but I'm actually feeling better today,so I figured that I would make a journal entry
while I actually feel kind off good.As I think nearly every entry I make is me rambling on about how I'm
miserable.
Yesterday I was moaning about not wanting to go to a party because I wanted to stay home alone and just be

I'm in such a weird mood.I'm not happy or sad I'm just kind of walking around in a daze.I don't know why,I
just get weird sometimes.I think I'm having a I want to be a recluse week.It's weird.
It's still kind of bothering me that my friend is ignoring me,even though she said its nothing to do with me
I am the only person she isn't speaking to.I've asked a couple of my other friends and they said they didn't

Damn it,my stupid 'friend' is still ignoring me!I messaged her and politely asked her what is going on
and she said thats its not about me,she will tell me when she see's me.WTF!!At this rate when am I actually
going to see her for her to tell me!Arrgh I'm so flippin irritated,and confused!*Takes a breath* rant is now
over.

My friend who I referred to in my previous entries whom I thought about telling of my queerness now seems to
be kind off ignoring me.I'm not sure if its cause she has guessed.We were joking the other night and she
said oh your so gay!I didn't agree or deny it.It kind of hung in the air for a few mins untill we were
distracted by something else.Then later on she jokingly called me a dyke which I also did not respond to.

Season 3 of the L Word has just started right now!!And I can't watch it because the tv in my room is
broken and my Dad is the living room with the only other tv in the house!!I know this is a relativly small
problem but man I want to watch the show!!!

I almost told one of my good friends today of my bisexuality but stopped myself.It was on the tip of my
tongue but I just could not say it!The stupid thing is that I know she will not care.We have talked about
bisexuality so many times and how she doesn't really think it matters because its the person you fall for
not the gender.I'm not sure what exactly is stopping me.I hate lieing to her.I think I'm scared of the

Im soooo bored and I can't sleep,and I was meant to go to a gay bar(even though im completely closeted)this
weekend but then due to circumstances beyond my control I couldn't:( ah well,its anoying sometimes in
straight bars watching all the straight people gettin all loved up.Man I'm such a moan.Oh and I fancy my
friends sister soooooo much,I actually was shakeing a little the last time I spoke to her,thats kind of

I always seem to be giving out when i'm on here,so I do apologise but currently im just angry at the world.
I lost my job because I was being bullied by my boss,and I tried to stand up for myself but it was very
unsuccessful.I wanted to leave there ages ago but my parents forced me to "stand my ground" and now im just
like dammit why didn't I just go before things got so bad.
I'm an adult yet I always do what my parents and family tell me because they think im incapable of making

So today was a bit strange,one of my friends asked me if I'd like to go to a gay bar this weekend.Her bro is
gay and she thinks it would be fun.I want to go but on the other hand I don't want to show up on anyones
gaydar.Its also a good sign I think because at least I know when I eventually come out I will still be
able to go out and have fun with my friends.I don't know maybe I will go maybe

I have been thinking over the last few days and being really open and honest with myself,and I think I have
come to the conclusion that I am bisexual.For so long I have been trying to push myself one way or the other
because I have found it so much more difficult to accept being bisexual than if I was just gay.I'm not sure
why that is,perhaps because I know my parents will find it more difficult to accept me being bi than if I