A Quandry of Opposites

TheSohoSai — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 12:09:16 -0500

I have a rainbow necklace
And I do not wear it
I am not proud
Of being Proud

I am loud
In my own chamber
I am obtrusive
In private

I am ashamed
Beneath the blankets
I am blank
On the streets

In my head
I rail
But by my face
You would not know it

By my words
I am a crusader
But by my actions
I am nobody

Yet I am happy

Well, at least I know what she thinks now.

TheSohoSai — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 22:31:12 -0400

For the last few months I've been teetering back-and-forth between thinking my mother thinks I'm straight and thinking she's known about me for years. Well, today I heard her talking on the phone to a friend. I don't make a habit of eveasdropping on other people's conversations, but I overheard a bit of it and it sounded like she was talking about me, so I listened. She said that she used to wonder about my sexuality, but now was convinced that I liked guys. Um, NOT! One of her reasons was a reason I always thought of as proving my gay-ness – whenever we're watching television and there's a barechested man (or something along those lines) I get embarrassed and turn away. I don't wanna see guys in the nude! I'm sorry, but it's true. However, SHE thinks that I'm turning away because I'm trying to hide that I like 'em. Not the case.