Hello to everyone out there. I've been on Oasis for oh, a good year now and I haven't posted very much. I want to change that now so I've decided to post my story on here for you to read. I've been keeping a journal since grade 9-ish (gr 11 now) and I'm going to start from there and copy exactly what I wrote.
Ok. I have figured out a sure-fire way to come out at school but it will mean that I have to just come out and say it. I really want to but I'm scared too. What do you think I should do?
Last night I had an odd dream. No odder than most of them but I felt like sharing anyway. I was in this huge arena with a ton of other people. Suddenly a guy comes and starts to throw pills into the crowd. I didn't get one so I went to find him. Finally I did and I got myself one. I swallow it and turn into a guy. Somehow I knew that this was going to happen before I took it. Of course I went to try out my new parts but I was interupted by a guy that needed to go to the bathroom.
I'm having a bit of a breakdown right now. I've decided to be out at school and I'm soo fucking scared. I have to do it though. If I do then maybe I can make a difference for some other students. I'm really hating the thought of going back to school, it's been the root of my depression for the last three years. I just don't think that I can go on with being the loner who noone listens to. The good girl.
I need some. I can't decide who to take to the pride parade with me. I don't think that I can go by myself, I'm scared, it's my first time and I get lost really easily. I want to invite my friends but I'm a little nervous about that because we aren't very close anymore. Maybe I could get my mum to come with me but that would be wierd too because, well, she's my mum. I want to go so I'm really trying to find a solution but I can't think of much.
So I got my wisdom teeth pulled this morning. Ya. Umm. It's unfreezing now. I knew that it would hurt but noone told me just how much. It was kinda a desgusting experience. The gas didn't quite work enough and I was reallly aware of the sound of them cutting my gums. Eew *shudder*. Ok. Bye now.
I won't be on for a while. *sob* I'm finally doing something on my vacation! Yay! Bye. See ya later!
Oh. Wow. I'm really lonely right now. I don't know why, but it sucks. Oh ya and I need to talk to someone. I've had a really crappy time and I think that I'm just gonna go curl up somewhere. Bye.
I've been thinking of this for a while and I've come to a conclusion. I can't go back to that school. I've got to transfer. I just can't be myself there. I'm very closeted there and people think of me one way. They don't take it very well if I do anything different from what they expect. I'm not going to be able to be out there, especially not next year because my little brother is going to be going there.
I have a crush on my best friend. AAHHHH! And tonight I'm going over to her house for the night. Wish me luck! I know that everything will work out but I'm nervous anyway. Oh ya. She's straight.
No. Not for me. For my cat. We took her in to the vet a few days ago about a carpet-wetting problem. Guess what they did?! They put her on "anti-anxiety medication". Haha! We just finally got one of the pills down. You have no idea how hard that was! I think that the effects are beginning to show. She's positively mellow! Hee hee. Our cat is stoned. This will be an interesting few months.
AAHHH! The ants are taking over our back yard! I was sitting out today and I saw 2 ants, like body-builder ants, take down this wormy thing and drag it to their lair! I think they ate it. No kidding! AAHHH! They're eating me alive!
I feel really crappy right now. I just got "dumped" by my best friend of 11 years. I knew that we were growing apart, so it wasnt't a total shock but still. It hurts. But I know that this is for the best. Bye.