I'm on Lovan 20 TAB. It's good. I'm five days in, and I admit I feel calmer. Just...less anxious about every little thing in my life. I don't feel like I'm walking on glass. It's good. I am tired a lot though - I had 2 nanna naps this afternoon, and I'm still ready for bed. But other than that, no other side effects. It will take about 2 more weeks for it to take full effect, so that will be good.

Well I'm back to where I was in high school, concerning who I give all my love to.

That would be straight males.

Told you I wouldn't be away forever.

I don't feel the need to write here anymore...I don't have the connection to the place that I used to. I love Oasis for what it's given me, but I think it's time to say goodbye.

For now, at least. Don't want to cut my ties to the place forever lol I may pop in occasionally to see what everyone is up to, but I think I'll go the way of Ruby and connect with the gays in my real life ;)

So thanks a lot everyone, for the support, and the laughs and the virtual hugs over the years. Plus a MASSIVE thank you to Jeff for creating this safe space.

catchya
xoxo

Lying on my bed, massive hangover, think I'll vom or sleep.
This weekend was crazy. On Fri nite I made out with a family friend. He's 40 years old. He has 3 kids. the youngest being 2 yrs younger than me. Single, so I'm not a cheating slut. I'm going to fuck him.

I havent posted like this in a while...just everything feels crap. My timetable at uni has worked out so that I have no classes with this friend of mine...things with him are kind complicated, but only in my head. he's straight, but we're so close we refer to him as my pretend boyfriend. and i kinda like him, but mostly dont. due to the fact i know nothing will work out in that aspect. but im disappointed because he's in the UK for 3 months, so i havent seen him...and its been nearly a week back at uni and i STILL havent seen him. i just keep missing him.

So, I love you. I love you a lot. You're pretty amazing. And I miss you. A lot. You're like, this perfect guy, who makes my life light up, but I never see you, which sucks balls.

I think at this point I need to clarify that I love you - I'm not IN love with you. Lol. Believe me babe, been there done that. Now I'm living in Platonic Place and couldn't be happier. You were right, all I needed was to get laid. My life is now about 43 times better. Of course, your advice is awesome but the delivery is shit. You'll never make it in the theatre.

Sean just won the Best Actor award for Milk!

Amazing. And what an AMAZING FUCKING SPEECH.

I go back to uni in like, 11 or 12 days. I'm excited, I just can't hide it. My timetable is shit this year, at least one of my best friends isn't returning - but I'm looking forward to it. I'm just bored, you know?

Plus, they'll be fresh meat to play with. All the kiddies who deferred last year and are coming back to study. Here's hoping that there's a cute guy in need of a boyfriend who isn't a total asshole, and would like a boyfriend who smokes occasionally and is trying to stop using drugs. Cos that would be nice.

So I'm disappointed. But that's theatre, right? I've been offered the role of Georg, but I don't know anything about him, and can't find anything. Can someone help me out with that please?
So the director seemed pretty sure I'd walk cos I didn't get Ernst...I may have spent a whole train ride convincing him that i deserve that role. This is the text he sent me:

Fuck I feel bad about the last journey entry, sorry you kids had to read that. Just in a bad headspace, I'm without cigarettes atm.

Jeff's right, I'm thinking I'm going to just stop talking to him. I AM cute, plus I've lost some weight. I don't need his shit.

So I'm bored. It's a Sunday afternoon, not much to do except smoke and I don't have any. I left a boy hanging before...we were talking on msn, and he was like, "It might make me feel better if I fuck your arse."
Me: It might.....but I'll have to check my schedule.
After a bit more, I logged out. To make him squirm. He texted me before saying, "U left." So I logged in again and told him my msn cut out. I don't know why I did it... he wants to fuck me, I think it's a power trip. I truly have him under my thumb, and I enjoy it. I'll fuck him in the end, I think.

Last night I partied old school. Salt n Pepa, classic adidas was worn. It was pretty chill, hanging with some really cool people. Until a few extra people rocked up, and brought drugs with them. Like, ok yeah I smoke pot and I take E....but not as much as them. The night really started going downhill for me just because I was sobering up whilst everyone else was doing cones, doing tabs and E. Me and my mate Patty both didn't really make it a bit night, and we were sitting outside at around 2am when she was like, "I'm tired. And I don't sleep well that other ppls."

I'm waiting to find out if I got the part I want in Spring Awakening, it's really nerve wracking. Oh I just remembered what I really wanted to talk about lol

I'm sick. It's gross. I have a tickle in my throat, and a bit of a head cold. And body fatigue.

(Oh btw Human Nature can go fucking die...stop covering Motown tunes, you tosspots. - sorry, they're on Kerri Anne atm)

I'm going to a friend's place for lunch, she's going to make me a big garlicy laksa to make me feel better, thank goodness. And that's basically all I'm doing today. Ew. My face actually hurts.