I feel like every time I talk about college it's about boozing and sexing. And occasionally chemistry. So, let's talk about the other classes I'm in. For example, today I have drafted two essays: "A Contextualized Overview of the Gospel of Matthew" and "A Cosmopolitan Sandwich with a Side of Hegel." Both of these are working titles but goddamn if they're not starting to grow on me.

Thanksgiving was fun. There was genderstuff but I don't really feel like talking about it; it was forward progress but still frustrating, nuff said.

~~~

Emily was in for the weekend... on Friday night we hung out with a camp friend of mine, SG, and we got pizza and a ton of desserts at this nearby christmas market. Then Emily and I went back to my dorm and had some excellent sex.

We hung out sunday night. kissed goodnight. he texted me after and we back-and-forthed for a bit.

We hung out on Monday night. (i texted him to initiate the hangout) Kissed a lot.

On Tuesday, the only contact was I "liked" his new facebook profile picture.

Wednesday, today. I wrote on his wall, said "so my girlfriend asked to see more pictures of your face and now she TOTALLY wants to make you her sex slave..."
To which he replied: "hahaha ohh man."

KEEPING IN MIND THAT HE'S VERY SHY! Do I:

This is me procrastinating. I have a lot of work to do over thanksgiving: a chem take-home lab and a pre-lab, notes, chem problems, some research for a big essay, a ton of reading. oh well. one step at a time.

I cleaned my room and I feel cleansed, but still anxious about school.

I got a 56.5% on a chem exam. That was a blow. If I get an 80% on the (cumulative) final, my professor will drop the low score. So that's good.

note: i wrote this last night but didn't want to post it right after posting my mix #2 entry. so when I say "today" i mean sunday. xD

So if you're confused about anything I say in this post, background is in my last one. And due to the events of last night, MIX is going to require a full three journal entries to tell the tale.

Today, we talk about Art That I Saw: Screenings and Performances

1. Friday, 6 pm: De Profundis

First, an announcement. I took my chemistry midterm yesterday, which means I can return to the realm of the living. It means I called the friend who'd called me at least 5 times in the last week and it means I'm writing (and hopefully reading) on oasis and it means I'm doing homework for other classes and it means that I won't have to stress about chemistry again! ... until next exam.

In celebration of my miraculous return to the land of the living yesterday, I went to check out MIX 24: New York Queer Experimental Film Festival.

aka more angst.

I was having a good-night phone call with Emily (the girlfriend) last night and I told her about the guy from my high school and how upset I was.

Her responses were basically
1. powderpuff is stupid and sexist and lame
2. it doesn't sound like participating in powderpuff would be empowering for this guy, therefore it's stupid.
3. stealth is a denial of history and a denial of status as a member of an oppressed minority group and it's not like people of color have the opportunity to go stealth, so it's stupid.
4. due to the above i shouldn't be jealous

Quick journal entry about my weekend while I wolf down dinner. Can't write too much; have to fit in 2 hours of chemistry studying tonight for an exam on friday. Midterms week is a lie. There's ALWAYS an exam.

SO THE WEEKEND.

On friday night I went to a poetry slam at this really famous venue that I'd never been to AND i was not impressed. I just didn't sense any true craftmanship, y'know? Whatever. *is elitist dbag*

Seriously. Writing from starbucks again.

Today has been a long ass-day. Rundown of the schedule so far:
8:00 wake up. shower. attempt to get internet to work. fail.

9:30-10:30 Chemistry/Peer Tutoring Experience, which is a fancy way of saying "show up, do chem workshop, ask TA how magnets work and/or if hummus needs to be refrigerated.

while walking to class, receive one free Five Hour Energy. Drink said five hour energy and eat one pita. +15 hyper points, -20 sanity points.

I've missed you.

College has been a time of big adjustments. It's my birthday this week, in more than one way.

I'm going to start writing here more often. I need to journal, to keep track, to remember, to vent my frustration, to joke, to keep track of funny dreams and pick-up-lines and books I'm reading.

It's been over two months, hasn't it?

I'll try to sum it up quickly. Maybe I won't try to sum it up, maybe I'll just tell you about now.

Jewface, two days before Saturday's party, on my facebook wall: "so if i bring pirates on saturday...will you dress as a pirate? JUST CONSIDER IT. dang."

I showed up in a pirate hat. Goddamn it, it worked.

Jewface, one day after Saturday's party, texted me: "Last party: pirate. Next time: polar bear. CHALLENGE INITIATED. oh dang."

I was at the gym, so I didn't get the text for a few hours. She texted me again: "No? Not so much? Rejected."

Me: "...so do you have a costumes fetish or just a bossing me around fetish? (not rejected. there's just no service at the gym.)"

Oh. Hello. I'm sorry, I haven't really been on here at all ever lately; college is a crazy place. Busy busy busy. So life in a nutshell, and then I want to talk about yesterday.

I talked to a therapist at the Student Health Center today about my gendershit. I gotta admit, I was super nervous to go, almost cried immediately upon entering the room, but then got myself together when I realized that she was super duper cool and totally got it and didn't have any expectations of me- y'know, all that stuff that they tell you therapists are like but I never believe?

So that was cool.

Brooklyn
the writings of richard dawkins
crabapples
club music
the green mountains
silence

the angel took Elijah to the mountain. There was thunder, but god was not in the thunder. After the thunder, there was a great wind, but god was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but god was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake, there was silence. God was in that small voice.

My summer camp was hit hard by the hurricane.
Nobody was injured, but the roads leading to it and many of the structures were destroyed.

I found god at summer camp as a child.