Yeah, to be honest. I forgot ALL ABOUT this site. T.T I'm so forgetful.
But anyway. My past two months, starting from where I left off abotu that other guy in a rant, here we GO!!!
He turned me down by practically ripping my heart out and stomping it into the ground. He told me, "That I was sick and needed pychiatric help." I was really depressed for about the next two weeks, but as I looked at it and thought about it more. I just pushed him outta my mind with a big FUCK YOU. Okay, so school let out and the summer began, pretty boring and meaningless until the middle of this month. A friend asked me to go with her to eat lunch. I said okay. So we stopped by and visited our gay friend. He's getting along much better now that he has somewhere else to go. He was gonna try to come back to our school, but the counsolar advised him "That he was better off staying a dropout.", kinda fucked up, if you ask me. So then we picked up a male friend of ours and we all played at couple of rounds of bullshit back at my female friends house. They both took me out in the woods to show me this "waterfall" and a "zombie cat", well the "zombie cat" was cool, but the "waterfall" had dried up. I began to notice how gorgous the guy was looking, but shook the thoughts away.
Okay, got a 40-page report I done for Biology back, made a 98. woo hoo.
Still can't talk to the boy about what he things of homosexual couples, can't talk to him to get him alone so I can ask him. Can talk to him about anything else, no problem though.
I got progress reports back, all A's again. woot.
I am going crazy about this guy. I need some major help talking too him, or something.
Here is a word of advice to everyone. If you send me a private message, and ask me to comment on your journal, then don't bitch at me and get mad when I write something you don't like. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ people. Grow the fuck up.
I have told about 5 of my friends about me liking this guy, and about 4 more online. They were ALL okay with it and one said, "Well you can't help who you like, there isn't anything wrong with it."
I am just glad I have such supportive friends, but yet the 5 i told were all girls =)).
I was gonna talk to my mexican male friends about it but...there were too few in the room and all of them were listening to me. =)) Oh well, I am gonna the boy in my first block class I like a note Monday and attempt to get into his head and see if a "guy did like him" would he go for it or not. The kind of thing that is like "I know someone who likes you..na na na", thing. :p Wish me luck and Happy Easter!!!!!!
Okay this may seem insignificant to some people but to me it was worth it. The dude asked me what chapter the assignment was in and I told him. That was the best 8 seconds for that entire day, and I figured out how cute his voice is when he is confused. But yes I will take any advice that has been given into thought, I do like that last one someone posted on one of my journals, it seems doable.
Okay I had a plan that would get me to be able to strike up a convo with the boy I like easier. Well, I asked the teacher about me moving, and she told me that she was gonna move me anyway b/c the girl that sat behind me and my answers were both the same on the last test. So know I sit right in front of the boy I like. :D Can't say how much LUCK that was. =)) Anyway now all I gotta strike up a convo and make friends.
Okay, I lied. I am back again. :D
Okay there is this boy in my first block class and when I saw him I was like DAMN!!!!!! I always thought he was cute but for the past week he has been the only thing on my mind, I can't concentrate on my schoolwork, or anything for that matter.
I dunno what I am going to do, is it really love? We have NEVER spoken, he is younger than me, and I was going to go talk to him today to make friends but couldn't b/c I didn't get the chance.
Okay i swear this is my last entry about that guy. K we were riding the bus today and i was sitting and he was playing with my braided stringy thing that glows. I was listening to KoRn and it was blaring b/c the bus was quit so he blows on the back of my neck and leans in to listen. I take one ear bud out and gave it to him. Well then after we were through listenign me and him were talkign about funny stuff, and omfg he got really close to my face, i was gonna lean in the 'kiss' him but i stopped b/c i would get hit or something.
I long for you, i always have. These feeligns that i feel can not be reveiled. You would push me away. You act on me with passion, but is it real? I wish you would tell me how you really feel. I'm in love with you, i really am. But damned am i to suffer. I stare at you, dream of you, adn feel safe aournd you. You are always on my mind, every second, everyday, every week. I dream of the realtionship i want to have, but then I realize 'tis only a dream.
I have been in so many good moods lately, full of energy, but i feel something is missing. Could it be that love is missing, does my heart desire love that much? I cannot allow myself to be hurt again, that is why i seal myself from most emotions.
Okay we got progress reports(shows our progress after a certain time period) yesterday @ our high school. My averages are as follows:
World History - 98
Spanish 1 - 97
CP Biology - 99
Business Procedures - 85 <~~that must come up, unacceptable.
K SO WHY THE FUCK DO PPL MAKE FUN OF OTHER PPL FOR THERE, SEXUALITY, RACE, RELIGION OR WHERE THEY ARE FROM. IT IS RUDE AND HATEFUL AND NOT RIGHT AT ALL. AND WHY DO SOME PPL THINK THEY ARE BETTER TEHNE EVERYONE ELSE, THEY AREN'T NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY THEY WILL NEVER BE. O_O SHEESH, PPL ARE FUCKGIN STUPID MAN.
I came out to my ex-gf. She didn't take it like I wanted her to but then again she didnt reject me either, she said, " Well as long as you aren't completly gay. I'm shocked but still luv ya and wont reject ya!" So yay 1 down.
Okay, wy the fuck do people get so scared of homosexuals, i dont mind beign around them, im partly am one so why the fuck? PEOPLE GET SO WOUND UP OVER SUCH STUPID THINGS THAT IT MAKES ME SO SO SO MAD , AGARRO Y GOLPEA EN LA CABAZA!!!!!!! THERE AHS BEEN 10 FIGHTS AT MY HIGH SCHOOL IN THE PAST WEEK, WHY! WHY IS VIOLENCE AN ANSWER TO EVERYTHING! WHAT DOES IT PROVE? DOES IT MAKE YOU A MAN/WOMAN! I DONT THINK SO, I THINK IT SHOWS THAT YOU INTELLENGENCE IS SO LOW THAT YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND THE IDEA OF COMMUNICATING YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ANOTHER PERSON.
What do you want me to be?
I try so hard but it is never enough
You criticize me for all that I do
What is it you want from me?
You just can see
The pain inside of me
My soul cries for deliverance
My body cries for death
I am insane
I have nothing left
You took everything from me
I cannot bear the weight
The weight of this suffering
When will it end?
When will it end?
I try everyday