so i told her last night my biggest worst more guarded secret.
and now shes asking me stuff like basically wondering about this crush.
and she won't tell me who it is.
and i don't know what to think.
except... god damn, maybe... god damn, i don't want to think things like that...
but.. i don't want to think anything right now.
.... it seems like we're talking so much more, but i'm now exactl
i finally told sheila and we're still im-ing....
but my heart feels like it's going to explode in my ears, and...
i've really got to make sure she doesn't assume anything. i have to educate her that sterotypes are horribly wrong.
omg, i can't believe i actually did it...
but she thinks it a choice...
haha! i was outside waiting for the bus and all these middle schoolers are coming outta class whispering not so quietly about two girls who were making out in the hallway by the library - real funny 'cause their varied reactions - some of the more pathetic guys were "aw yeah! lesbian action!" and some of the girls were all "well, really! you CHOOSE to be gay!" - NOT TRUE.
I'm guessing it was just a couple preps seeking attention or getting revenge on some guy - kids here aren't that open about anything. i mean, unless it was my sis, 'cause i heard some pretty strange rumors about her too...
yes, larry, the guy who decided i didn't exsist anymore, but what's the big deal 'cause i'm not interested anyway- guy.
last night, we met up at workshop *again* and it was just so... funny.
slow song is playing, he comes up, puts his hands in a prayer-like position, beggin me to dance w/him.
of course, i can't say no, so we dance, and i ask him what the hell his problem has been.
the poor guy.
there's this guy I've known for about a year, but i only see him at dances and sutff 'cause he lives about 45 minutes away, so we never really talked too much.
i met him at a dance last year, and he wanted my phone number, i said no, so then my friend taylor gave him my number. he didn't call till about 7 months later, and said he wanted to see if it was a really number.
i never really liked him or anything, but he makes me sad now.
The worst possible thing happened....
I checked out my ex-best friend and arch nemesis's ass.
how dare i?
But just for about an hour, i didn't hate her as much...
damn, did i seriously mess something up?...
IT'S ALL OVER WITH!! YESSSSS!!
My installation went pretty well, and I GOT MISS BETHEL!! and the big book of stuff to study and the bylaws to study, and a lot of stuff to know...
But that's what I wanted!
I thought I was TERRIBLE - I couldn't think of things all that fast, and i thought my answers sucked, but the girls voting for me knew me anyway (so they knew I'd actually BE at stuff)
Mango is our Bethel Beau! yay!
I'm getting really nervous now... I can't eat 'cause I'm nervous and food makes me sick to my stomach, but I'm sick to my stomach 'cause I haven't eaten.
and then their's Miss Bethel competition before.... There's me and one other girl trying out, so I've got pretty good chances of getting it. (finally, a pagaent that doesn't judge you for being skinny!)
and i haven't finished the corsages.
and i felt so much better after i shredded my journals to bits and pieces. i dont' need them...
my sis got mad at me 'cause i asked her why one of our cordless phones fell in the bathtub, so she starts screaming "YOU STUPID DYKE!!" and i just go to my room and don't say a word.
then she yells about her notebook or something she read, and now she thinks she knows everything.
and she's all "I'd be fine if you would just admit it!"
so she can go tell all her friends so they can go tell all my friends who can get the message back to my parents?
Then let Mizer rise and rise again.
So yet another of my 'friends' has turned against me.
my sworn enemy, the FatAssBitch (f.a.b.) and also the one who was crushing on me last year, decided it'd be funny to poke me in the back and yell "POKE!" on my way to science.
It's really pissing me off, she's actually BRAGGING about it, and Shauna's finding it HILARIOUS.
She was always the one who never took sides and always played peacemaker. so what happened?
Today was TERRIBLE. I was flipping tired, and I go to school, and it seems people have only gotten worse. In my classes, I usually only have to hear people say "gawd, that's gay" five or six times a day, but NOT TODAY.
EVERY SINGLE CLASS I WAS IN - PEOPLE, IT'S NOT FUNNY. Stop joking about gaybashing, stop misusing the word on a daily basis, stop calling each other 'stupid carpet munchers', ect.
I know my parents must mean well, but the fact that I'm trying to deal with this, and dad talks about me moving out and getting married, the first thing I'm thinking is "not in this state, daddy"
I said "Well, I'll sure be moving out"
I just hate it when they just EXPECT me to be a certain way - like them.
it's not gonna happen, but why would i want it to?