my face is crooked.

yup. the entire left side of my face is lower than the right.

my ears are the most noticeable, with my left ear visibly lower than the right. (making it quite difficult my entire life to find sunglasses that fit me properly).

then my eyes, my left eye is also visibly lower than my right.

so im sure your all sick of my posts about trans stuff, but ill continue anyways. theres your warning, you can quit reading if you want.

i still dont know if im trans or not. i guess i still dont have hte definention quite right in my head.

So...
I think im transgender. i think. ugh.

Alright, so considering what website this is, i will now make myself sound utterly retarded and ignorant.

I dont quite understand/know what being transgender is. I dont really know what exactly makes you trans, or why your not just gay or whatever.

One more day
One more time
It's wearing me thin…
It used to be different.

You taught me to live
You showed me hope
You gave me faith
You made me blind.

It took months
It needed to happen
I read them again 'till dawn
I didn't instigate that day.

You taught me loneliness
You showed me my future
Full of secrets and lies
No more than a side fling.

Now this

So it took me forever to come out. It took me forever to be comfortable with who i am. I finally got there. I was totally happy with the person i was, being gay, it was great with me. I loved it all. I would never change it.

Ah... i love postsecret so much. every week theres always something i can realate to...

"I feel like I have a vast universe of beauty, magic, love, and wonder in my mind and heart.
But I'm not pretty.
I think I will be alone forever."

If i wasnt me and therefore dindt know everything i did everyday, I would guess that i wrote that....

k, so last night i went into seattle for a concert with a friend. it was boys like girls and good charlotte with metro station and the maine opening.

ok. so in my last journal, i wrote about a friend of mine who i have an INSANE crush on, like, a heartbreaking crush on, and although i knew it was pointless, i always had some feeling and wish for her to be gay, even though i always knew that it wouldnt happen.

have you ever had a really big crush on a friend...
a close friend...
a so very very straight friend...
and you knew that nothing would ever happen...
since she has a boyfriend..
and you guys are best friends...
and shes straight...
and doesnt agree with gays...
and she knew that you liked her...
and was willing to accept that and be ok with it...

havnt been on here in forever...
hows life been for you guys?
miss me? haha

so, its my birthday, and all and all, it was a good day.... but there were a few hiccups....

my friend was suppost to make me a cake, but she was too tired last night, so she didnt....
my sister was suppost to bring me ice cream at lunch, and 'lost track of time' and didnt....
and my other friend was suppost to make me a crown, but went to youth group instead haha

so... i asked this guy i like, E, if he'd come to my birthday party even if he didnt know anyone there (he goes to a different school), and he said of course....

then he said he'd wear a tie, and i said he didnt have to, but he really likes ties apparently....

i told him he needed a flower that squirts water... and he said a potted flower....

and it somehow turned into this:

background info: me, A (VERY conservitive), and M (my best friend) have gotten into huge arguments on gays before, M and me vs. A...
M knows im gay...
A didnt....
A broke up with her bf (kyle) of almost 3 years for saying he was bi
I was afraid of losing A as a friend if i came out to her....
I like a girl named Jamie

I am A Daughter

I am A Sister

I am a Friend

I am not afraid of death

I am 5' 6" ish, give or take an inch

My only full escape is snowboarding

I forget everything when im boarding

I love my life

I have worked hard to be the person I am

Too many people judge me

Im not afraid to get in someones face and make my opinion known