A piece of binder paper with two lip marks and a letter written to me, with three photographs, all the way from Maryland to California.
Dear Love, 4/16/03
____________________________________________________________ You're in Florida right now and i miss you so much. ____________________________________________________________
I have a question, why do some lesbians find manly looking women attractive? If they do then why don't they just get a man?
All day I picture curves arching under me
Dripping the sweat of passion, the heat
Jeering at the bodies we use to strain for pleasure
Equaled by no other. We quest together for the
Coolness and calmness that follows it.
SSSSOOOON I must make this image into reality.
I cannot live on images. Sustenance craves
Veritability of pleasure, not phantoms of fever.
Each moment stretches into eternity; I
Need to give a speech on any controversial issue, please submit ideas!!!!!
I often find myself drowning in self created misery. In life, we need to get over things and most importantly, get over ourselves. "Oh poor me." Those words disgust me, because obviously everyone struggles, we should consider ourselves lucky enough to be content with what we have and not look for the greener grass. We feel depressed and hope to find consolation in mere words like "awww i hope you feel better" or " awww i'm sorry, wish i could do something".
There is freedom within
there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup.
There's a battle ahead
many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
while you're travelling with me.
don't dream it's over
when the world comes in
they come to build a wall between us
We know they won't win.
Now I'm towing my car
If you're in love with your best friend and have been trying to tell them, but they keep denying it [because that would mean we both would be lesbians]and you suddenly stop talking to you best friend because you can't bear to be just friends with them. Now when you bump into them and they ask you why you havent been talking to them, and you just say you've told them over and over and now you want to just let go.
I: Could you do me a favor?
I: Kiss me! hahaha
She: No! You shouldn't even let such thoughts cross your mind.
------------------------------------------------------------I: Why don't you ever look me in the eye and speak.
She: Yes I do!
I: When I was talking to you in the airport you were a case of "shifty eyes".
She: I couldn't look at you, it made me sad in a cheesy way.
Feel like you're stuck in a cage unable to get through the metal bars?? Trapped, having to watch the others being free to do what they want to do??? Contained in a box you can't get out of???? Call 1-800-UNDO-LES. You will be able to push open the lid and pull yourself OUT. hahaha. I really wish they had something like that going on...bleh.
The future I fear will eventually descend on me too suddenly and my fragile body will be shattered in a painful way....
of a massage. Wringing, kneading, squeezing, lifting. Yummy. I can feel the stretches in my muscles and how it's stimulating my muscle tone. Increasing my circulation and slowly relaxing my nervous system. Removing all the stress and tension. My eyelids are getting heavier and heavier, and then BHAM....the touch is gone. Massages are the best, NOT SEX (well i would'nt know but eh), NOT CHOCOLATE, NOT HOT CHICKS/CUTE GUYS, BUT JUST MASSAGES! Of course a lil sex, some chocolate, and a hottie helping can never run short in the list of things...Boys and girls let your opinions, thoughts, feelings, pourrr....
I am a GIRL, I feel ATTRACTED to other GIRLS. Some say it is OKAY and some say it is NOT. I like GUYS too, most say it is NORMAL, but few say MAKE UP YOUR MIND. I want to be HAPPY. I am a piece of shitty lard, who is letting her sexual orientation come in her way of her everyday life. What about college? A career? IAMGAYIAMGAYIMAGAYIAMGAY...SO WHAT????? ARE YOU CRAZY?!?! WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS
IS THERE A SWEET, YOUNG, ADORABLE, *DECENT*, BI/LESBIAN GIRL OUT THERE IN THE BAY AREA FOR ME? *sigh* SAFETY IS AN ISSUE,BUT BEING FRUSTRATED CAN LEAD TO FATAL EMBARASSMENT (i.e. RIGHT NOW). HOLLA BACK.....ONE N ALL.
I feel so much commotion in my mind and body, it's driving me insane. My stomach is shooting with fire crackers and my mind is compressed with heavy rocks, my breath is suffocated in my own lungs. Am I being reasonable, blaming life for my own annoyances? Do I have a right to crib about something so insignificant as not having a girlfriend? An empty mind really is a devil's workshop, but an overwhelemed mind is a devil's worst enemy.