I was walking along to class today, and this girl from a class i had two years ago that I found really attractive but never spoke to comes up behind me and is all like "hey i dont remember ur name but we had a class together"

we end up walking together and making small talk - it was just so bizarre, she was really outgoing and I did not think she even noticed me in that class- let alone remember me 2 years later !

It was so strange, this girl i actually found hot, happening to be in the same place at the same time and picking me out from the crowd - she finished her studies that year but she was back doing another degree- it was just random man.

So I had to go to class after about 10 mins, I was like it was good talking to you, and kinda waited to see what she'd say or if she'd suggest staying in touch - she just kind of didn't say anything AT ALL, like just completely awkward silence, so I took the plunge and said we should keep in touch - I'm pretty proud of myself, as she said she would add me on Facebook and that would should have lunch soon - LOW AND BEHOLD, that same afternoon I check my emails after class and she had already added me - sweet.

Anyways so i said we shud catch up properly and she suggested meeting for lunch soon - have no idea if she's gay but yeah, so random in a good way!

ok so, i met a guy a few weeks ago at a kind of work-related event. We're both in our early 20s. He was one of the organisers, and initially he came up to me and we started talking about the event, what we do etc, basic pleasantries.

The event was over a 2-day period, and as i bumped into him again throughout the days, we'd talk more and id get a sense of him being attracted, he also was quite busy, but made a point of saying he hoped to see me at dinner later in the evening to talk more.

Then, on the 2nd day of the event, he asked for my contact details in one of convos and said he wanted it so we could talk about work/work interests that we both share. But later he came up to me and was kind of patting my back as we started walking together quite deliberately to touch me, we joked around and he carried my bag for me so i could drink my coffee whilst walking. When i got to my seat, he asked me if i needed anything else, and was like "can i do anything else for you? shoes need buffing? Or maybe a back massage?" and kind of grinned at the back massage part. I was a little surprised by that so didnt say anything.

After the event finished he asked me to go for coffee, but i couldn't as i was already meeting a friend, so he said he'd contact me to arrange meeting up another day instead.

Anyway, so two weeks pass, and he finally emails me saying sorry for not emailing but that he had to "sort his life out" , The email was pretty formal, but he asked to meet up to talk about work stuff. I replied quite casually/friendly, and then he kind of responded in the same way.

Anyway, so we ended up meeting for lunch (tho he intially suggested evening but i had plans already) when he saw me first he gave me quite a warm hug, and we didn't talk much about work stuff at all until i brought it up myself. He also made a couple of strange comments, with a sexual undertone, i said i was looking for people in a certain field of research and he was like "oh so you basically want me" and kind of emphasised the want part. He also randomly made a comment about how "every guy just needs a ball".

I am trying to get funding for a project and so we talked about how he could help with that. Anyway, so after lunch he said we should meet up again, and he'd contact me when he got back from his holiday, but then he actually texted me the next day saying it was good to see me again, and asked me how my project-funding meeting went, and texted me some more ideas about how i could get funding which i thought was really nice. I took a few hours to reply, but when i did, he responded straight away, and he wrote about a 6-page long text message giving me loads of ideas on how to get funding for my project and he;d actually put a lot of effort into thinking up ideas for me it seemed. Again when i replied, he replied straight away.

I'm not sure if I should be reading anything into this, i do find him attractive, but also, i have other sources who have told me he has a gf, although the guy himself has not mentioned this to me.

So, does it sound like he's just being nice? Or is there seemingly something more there?

Hm....its just getting weirder. So my ex friend's (il just call her M) best friend (il call S) that i only know via facebook i think is hitting on me. Either that or shes just genuinely really interested in my love life. And its weird, WE DONT KNOW EACHOTHER FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!! she kept pressing me for info, if im interested in anyone, who that is, if im dating etc.

Shes completely pissing allover the unwritten rule of friendship....when your friend cuts someone off that you dont EVEN know....you dont go talking to them and yeh...i dunno. Unless M put her friend upto this. Her friend has now also offered to have a word with her for me, and told me not to worry and that it'll be cool. like WTF? why wud she be doing me any favours? And she then goes and tells me that M has told her that im quote "VERY clever", and yeh, i dunno, why tell me that now? When we're not even talking?

Its fishy. The whole thing.

So now the friend has started asking me about whether im seeing anyone, and said she wants to know all about my love like.

I have no idea what they're playing at.

Ideas anyone?

So, my ex friend and her good friend that is bi/curious are still there on my list, i was just getting used to the idea that yeh, it means nothing they're on my list so what, Its JUST Facebook after all, when...the friend (that i dont even know on my own terms) messages me randomly acting like nothing even happened. Like hello. YOU'RE BEST FRIEND, THE WHOLE REASON WE SPOKE IN THE FIRST PLACE, HATES MY GUTS. Shes just like "hey how are you how are ur jobs going" etc. Bear in mind, I havent even met this friend in person before. I dunno whether to bother answering or not. Pfft.

On a completely different note, Everyone, YOU MUST GO AND SEE THE KITE RUNNER. It is the most moving film i've seen. I dont usually cry at films, but seriously, i had tears running down for like most of the film. Very powerful. In fact, i dont think there was a dry eye in the place.

peace out.

I kind of started to agree with some of you that posted comments on my last journal entry, that yeh, she was probabaly just lazy and couldnt see the point in deleting me. However.....she proceeded to do something that has kind of changed my mind...

She deleted EACH and EVERY wall post she had ever written on my wall. Now she cant be lazy, since that was alot of posts, over 60, and seeing as she was on a deleting spree anyway, why not just go that one step further and delete me from her list altogether?

I cant believe im actually analysing her facebook actions though, i think this just proves to myself how much i actually like her, if i was ever in any doubt.

Its rather bizarre, in my last entry i wrote about a supposedly good friend of mine breaking off our friendship out of the blue and not wanting to talk to me again.......

Yet, a week later we're still on eachothers facebook. Bizarre.

And now im all oooh maybe she DOES still want to talk to me, maybe its a sign its not all over.i hope its not wishful thinking.

The title is what a supposedly good friend of mine said to me, just before saying she doesnt want to speak to me ever again.

We'd gotten really close over the past 6 months, she knew i was into girls and seemed fine with it, she even flirted with me and i half thought perhaps it could even turn into something more in time. We even went on holiday together and had a really great time. Had plans for many more. Then suddenly, i notice how she changes. She got distant, with hardly any time for me, after seemingly putting me at the center of it for so long.

So i ask her whats going on etc, she says nothing but continues avoiding me, ignoring me etc. Says shes busy. I ask her about it again, this goes on for 2 weeks, and she admits she was worried about looking gay, or for her friends to think we're 'together', and they dont even know me! We have ONE mutual friend on facebook, and she was worried that because we sent alot of FB messages to eachother, that friend may think we're a couple and tell all her other friends! I just dont understand. WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL. A friend of mine messages her via FB and has a go at her for being stupid, and tells her shes probabaly a closet gay otherwise she would not be worried about how she may be perceived if she wasnt actually 'acting gay' towards me.

Then, the famous line: "it makes me feel sick to even think of liking you, and this is sounding like a relationship now and its making me sick. It stresses me out, talking to you stresses me out. Goodbye."

At first i tried to talk her round, i thought she was just angry and didnt mean it. But nope, she did. She seriously wants me out of her life, and after being so close! How could she be like that? She has other gay friends and its not a problem with them. For real. I know i dont want someone who is going to treat me like that in my life anyway, but god, talk about going from one extreme to the other.

Whatever, i guess there will be better ppl out there for me.

I keep tryna be ok with the fact M is straight, and at first it was ok, but now for some reason i get pissy when she mentions dudes. I get pissy and kind of....jealous. Ugh. I dont even know why, cuz im not sure if i do even like her or not. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I think its coz i think shes too good for these guys, she shudnt sell out or sell herself short. Shes such a cool girl with a really good mind. I want whoever shes with to realise that and be a person that deserves her, but its like i feel kinda like the only person capable of that is me. It doesnt help that she flirts kinda, like she jokingly said she likes me, that shes one of my admirers. I DONT KNOWWWWW, shes also way tall for me. And shes becoming a great friend. And shes straight. Gah i just dont know.

Just a little note to remind myself ALWAYS to quit while im ahead. This will ensure that i dont make a complete ass of myself in the future. Hehe. Gosh, it must be a blessing from god, this inability to pursue relationships with females.

And my friend Ann's theory was proved wrong today: "Trust me, if a girl is gay shes going to like you". Just coz a girl is gay, does NOT mean shes automatically going to like me...

Ah that was nerve wracking.

She had been getting distant, as i kind of made a flirty joke towards her the other night which she didnt react too well to. So i asked her if perhaps id given her the wrong idea as she seemed worried to hang out alone with me. She said no it didnt cross her mind. Then i get a text message about 2 seconds later from her.

"Are you gay?"

im like oh shit oh shit oh shit. aaaaah.

so i reply "wel yeh i have had feelings for girls before yeh. Is that a big deal for you?"

She replies "no i dont care. bye"

So yeah, that didnt sound too good from her. Maybe even a little rude. She never says 'bye' unless shes mad. Why wud she be mad? I havent hidden anything i comment on attractive girls and joke around like that. Shudnt it have been obvious.

I havent known her long, just a couple of months, but just the other day she told me it feels as if shes known me 20 years. I only want a friendship from her, so whats the big deal? I really hope she doesnt make it one.

Its now been an entire month that me and my supposed best pal havent spoken, not because we had a fight, not because we fell out in anyway, not because of any kind of normal reason that would explain why someone you've been close to for 3 years and got on sooo well with, spoke to everday for the entire past year, someone who told you that you were they liked how close you were and wud be ur wake up call in the morning, just out of the blue one day just distances herself from you.

It started towards the end of March, she stopped calling me when she used to call everyday and in her own wordstell me "everything" that happened in her life. All of a sudden she just went cold on me. She was pregnant at the time, i thought it was just hormones and her shitty husband getting on her nerves, so i ignored it. Some days she was just as caring and having a laugh with me, but most of the time not. Then it gradually got worse and worse, she was obviously avoiding me. She was fine with everyone else, talking and making plans with them and avoiding me, not even picking up the fone or returning text messages.

A month ago i text her asking wats up and if everything was ok bc she had been acting distant she replies saying "yeh im fine, just moody lately. dont take it personally-its not you, its about me. Tell me when you get ur exam results" and that was it-exam results are 3 months away. meanwhile shes talking fine with other mutual friends. Im just like wtf? So i text back saying "exam results....wats with this distance? i kno ur hav issues and ur moody, but ur change is off". No response. She sent some generic text to everyone on her fone wen she had the baby a couple of weeks ago which was totally weird cuz im so used to being told about important things in a personal way from her. I didnt even text back until yesterday saying hope everythings ok with the baby and that i got my provisional result which was a first class. No response from her so far. I cant believe how its come to this, we used to be able to talk about everything and anything and now we're not talking at all, but what pisses me off most is that i dont even know why.

I had my suspicions that bc im into girls she may have thought i fancied her, but shes known about my liking girls for two years and that had never been a problem. The other explanation was that SHE developed feelings for ME. Sometimes it did almost feel like i had a gf, she would call me every day, and we'd speak about nothing and everything, every morning id get a call to ask where i was at, and just talk. She'd chck up on me and ask where id be going and who with. She'd always make fun of my other friend Ann, saying that she was boring and wen i was with her i looked bored, even though she had never even spoken to her. She'd also just notice small things about me, and sometimes i could just feel that the only reason we were still talking after hours on the fone was simply to hear eachothers voice. Like you can sense these things. I spoke to a good friend of mine about this who used to know her, and he told me she said she bisexual. Is that why she went cold on me? Cuz she developed feelings and knew it couldnt go anywhere cuz shes married and has a kid now, even if her husband is an abusive c***?

If you're still reading this, let me know what you think, or if you've had a similiar experience what you did to rectify the situation?

Ah the week has been funny.....so damn funny ahahah im laughing just thinking about it. for example on thursday evening one of my friends recognised this dude from school that he hadnt seen for years...so hes like hey and we're all joking around and stuff and my friend (who is straight) is like "btw im a homosexual now" and the guys face was classic ahahahahah....it was so freaking funny.

But yeah....onto the title of my post...i totally chose the wrong person to pursue...Sam is like THE most conservative polish catholic EVER in the HISTORY of conservative catholic people....and then shes there just checking me out focusing on my 'below the waist area'. Its insane...i have no idea whats up with that...although i found out from the guy who my friend recognised who by coincedence works with Sam (the world is a small place) that shes never had a proper relationship before, but ALL the guys at work are after her...which is no surprise bc so is every dude i know but shes not interested in any of them.

BAH. i just wana know is why she keeps looking at my crotch.

I smiled at weird giggler girl tho, she smiled back, but in a kind of 'why am i doing this' way, saw her again after that but she did nothing, so im guessing shes just being friendly...but still, i wana somehow strike up a convo, next time i'll do the wink and smile.

Ah....for some reason i seem to be suspecting alot of people are into girls...when they could just be being friendly or any number of things...but heres the main suspects and why:

Sam...the extremely quiet flirty girl that suddenly backed off...has well...been checking me out yet again it seems. On thursday we were chilling after class with another friend...and her eyes just kept looking me up and down really fast when i was talking...shes done this quite a few times on various occasions...and then when she realises what shes doing looks down all embaressed like...yet i cant imagine her perving on anyone she just looks so innocent and quiet and awkward. Even I dont do that to her and my god is she pretty, except once when yeah, i stared at her boobs without realising he he. I have no idea why shes started this again.

And she is crazy. She got annoyed bc i asked JB for paper and not her..she was like "you CAN ask ME ya know"... hardly had any so im like "i didnt think you had enough" and she just gave me like 2 sheets of paper wen she hardly had any. It was just odd. But at least she cared lol. Maybe i'll ask her out once more. Whats one more knock back?

Then theres Nadia...JB and Sam's aquaintancy friend....we get on pretty well, bumped into her on her own, so we chatted on our own...and she was kinda stumbling over her words...getting a lil nervous....and she has a freakin hot tatoo on the small of her back, but yeah, for some reason i was getting vibes...her stumbly nervous thing reminded me of myself when im talking to a girl i like. In fact, i was doing it to her bc i realised how attractive she was like halfway through the convo.

Ok the next one is weird and controversial:

My best friend JB who is married and pregnant. Shes 22 btw. Im stopping myself from liking her bc yeah, to me it just feels wrong to like her when shes trusting me not to probably. But i duno, the way we talk, its like, she calls me ALL the time, we can talk for hours about crap cuz we ....even my mum was like "hasnt she got a husband?" and her husband has commented on how much we talk too. But no way, she most likely IS straight...and yeah shes a lil unhappily married right now, and thats prolly why she calls so much. But i duno, i guess we just care alot about one another and have a special trusting bond. Yah, thats what it is. SOOO not gona go there.

But ya, those are the 'suspects', or maybe im just hormonal?!