I got up at 4 a.m. this morning, I tried to go back to sleep. I finally gave.

I bagged all the old magazines and newspaper up. I sorted myself out;
got some breakfast at half six. I sat up listenned the music and reading a few articles in
Men's Health. It'd been almost four months since I started going out on the scene
and started reading LGBTQ mags like reFresh and Advocate.

I finally got a hold of KennyD on Saturday, while I was working at the stack

My eyes are killing me. I have been trying to finish off my essays for next. I have been glued to the seat since Tuesday. I have seen very little of my boyfriend despite the fact he is only up stairs during the day and we live only 15 minutes away on foot.

I was trying to get a hold of KennyD all day on Friday. I exhausted all the possible attempts: going up to see him at his office, paging, IM and email. I finally gave, and decided to stick around to do some more works until 8 p.m. to go out to see FlightPlan on my own. I was tired and getting increasing erratic. I was so emotional.

My relationship started over several pints of beer, in a quiet Merchant City. We were both surrounded by our friends and colleagues that evening. I rested my hand on my would be boyfriend and looked at him in the eyes. The evening continued, we were still talking about computers, works, studies and plans for the week.

We finally got to speak our mind when we left the bar. It was like an unspoken promise, it was like I offered my pledge of fealty to Kenny. December 21 is approaching; every magazine and web site is advertising commitment rings, wedding plannings, meringues and morning suits. I follow the development civil partnership and other forms of legal commitment very closely. Right now I am feeling like being left out on the big day. Well December is the big month for all us around. Civil Partnership Act doesn't not just represent the recognition of relationship between couples, but it does represent another step full acceptance of LGBTQ.

I am tired from studying. And my day is not even over yet. Its my little brother birthday today. I still got to head out to my grandparents tonight. There is also a possibility of spend a night here. I have struggling to code my assignment, which is due in for December 8.

My motivation has ran dried like weeks ago. Just when I was about to give and walk away I found his advert: http://www.commercialcloset.org/cgi-bin/iowa/quicktime.html?record=257

I used to support capital punishment. I believed that it should be left on the statute book, however it should only be used in exceptional cases and should be rarely used at all. In past few weeks I have been reading about a mother submit a personal appeal to HM The Queen as the monarch of Australia and the Head of Commomwealth asking her to secure a clemency for her son, who is soon to be executed in the City State of Singapore on charge of drug trafficking.

Friday is always the worst day for working, especially after I stayed up all night on Thursday. I was so tired... and tempted to crawl into a corner and lie there for somebody to rescue me.

KennyD signed off early for shopping for some hard wood for his apartment. He paged me to get ready for a dinner party at a friend of ours and to pick up a bottle wine on the way out. I walked up to the grocery store off campus.

From: Cayde
To: caydence@gmail.com
Date: Nov 25, 2005 12:24 AM
Subject: Journal entry

Kenny walked into the computer cluster right after I finished packing up and was about to head home for the day. Things were pretty normal we smiled and talked about random things. We headed out to the *nix users group pub night.

I haven't seen these people for almost a year, but I managed to picked things up just where I left off. On our way home I became really random and nervous about being with him. I think he had a valid reason to stay quiet. Because I had been talking all day. I always understand that these should be times that we can both be quiet and still acknowledge one another's presence and enjoy each other's company.

After club meet on Tuesday. I spent the rest of the evening with KennyD. I told me that I had fallen in love with several people in past, including several girls back in high school and during my freshmen year. But told him, I always found an excuse not to tell them how I felt. I later drawn myown conclusion that they weren't what I really was after. If they were no amount of embressment or anxeity would stop me from tell them what I think.

My dad called me this morning to tell me that Christmas came early for me. He diposited £50 in my credit card account, he wished be a great at college and tell to go out and get somethings for myself. I got myself a 512 Meg Ipod shuffle that I always wanted.

I spent the whole morning in the computer cluster trying to format the thingy. I finally got it to work around 12. pm. I realized that I still got to go out at 1 p.m. to meet Peter for lunch and window shopping. I spent a whole to today without lifting a pencil.

A couple of weeks ago my best buddy Marc and I decided to ditch our studies at the stack for Delmonica's our local bar. Weekend just had to come earlier on that day. It had been very peaceful until Marc decided to grab a handful of rubbers from the bathroom and tossed a few at me. My only defense was either a pint of beer or a placemat. I chose neither, I caught a couple and tossed them back at him.