I am tired of my Gap look, but I want to look effortless beautiful when I am at home. I want to look professional when I need to be. I also want to inject ethnicity and culture into these looks.

If you don't understand I'm rambling about watch Queen Latifah's Last Holiday and look at flight attendant uniforms http://uniformfreak.com/index2a.html. I know I am a guy, what more can be international than cargo pants, t-shirts, and business suit. I don't think these are International enough, they are pretty Euro-Americo Centric to me.

I already carry Macbook, Palm Centro and iPod. These are American enough.

I am sorry I haven't put up my boyfriend's pictures on my social network profiles.

I am truely very sorry I haven't linked any of our profiles together.

I am sorry that I am sorry that I only disclose my personal life on a need to know basis.

I am sorry I have a brilliant relationship and spent all hours in our apartment.

I am sorry think my boyfriend has rights to manage his personal life, his career and his family life. And I reserve those rights too, I am sorry baby if I am introducing you as my roommate or best friend. I am sorry strangers and mere aquintances that I won't be tell you who my boyfriend is or even the I fact I have a boyfriend.

I AM SORRY WE ARE NOT BLATANTLY OR OBVIOUSLY GAY ENOUGH TO YOUR LIKING. Sorry mom and dad that you can't accept the truth, but we try very hard not to let mere strangers upsetting you with these facts again so you can go to churches, clubs or picking up our lovely nieces and nephews at schools or be who you are.

Summers are marked with weddings, longer days, shorter nights, gorgeous men in fitting outfits, women in floral dresses and chicklits followed by Romcons. I bought Sex and the City, I read the last installment of Sisterhood of Traveling Pants. I will mourn the finality that Sex and the City Movie signifies, the sisterhood might bring the to prolonged if not eternal adolescence. Lots of other films will come and go. Some will enrich my life while other enrich the studios' coffers.

After Successive Leadership Classes, Therapy, and other gimmicks I am yet to find out what's so not employable about me. I graduated college, with a marginal grade, still from a good college nevertheless. A piece from NPR Bryant Park about undercover reporter, freaks me out not a little, but a lot. The reporter drew a conclusion that joining a particular work force, means joining into a culture. Certain personality traits were actively searched by the enterprises, many of these were common among several organizations and while other is unique to the job and organization. What if I have none of these, What the whole compositions of myself personality, looks and speech can never impress anyone except my parents. Will I actually have to live off the left over from my trust fund for the rest of my life. I hate agencies, because I suspect they haven't invested enough due diligence to process my applications. I am always daunted by application forms. Gap will be an ok place to work, since I spent enough of my youth drooling over their sites and enough of my pocket money to furnish my wardrobe with their goods (of sometimes questionable sources). I can't work for a bank, since I already ruined my credit reports.

A lot times my boyfriend joined me in pondering over if my concerns have been in fact well found. Christmas has been ok, since my family is well off materially, not giving them gifts wasn't a problem. They can afford their WII or laptop on their own. There is no grudges to be had here. It is very least I can do to thank them for kindness, thoughts and prayer to contribute somethings toward Christmas lunch. I came back home with an exactly five pound notes.

I got my holiday, when my dad specifically allowed to do so, I could by the laptop I'm blogging on after I had overdue student loan and other debts paid off. I hate the life I'm living, I am in grad school because I'm bored and have no other choices. I am a 25 year old child, I realize sometimes I speak like a child and got a tantrum with a lot of things. I have dealt with things the only way I knew how to childishly.

I've just bought
They might be Giants - I'm Impressed
Amber - Above the Cloud
Amy Whinehouse/Winehouse - Rehab

What has everybody been listening to recently?

I have been back to school for the past three weeks, albeit interrupted initially by the trip to London. I crafted a horrible essay, wrote less than perfect chunks of Java and Python. I began to ponder my future careers. In past I wrote a few personal statement on files. So I looked for a few material on Michael Bloomberg, so that I can suck up to his company when I apply for a position otherwise citing it as my personal inspiration when asked about personal heroes elsewhere.

So I looked at Slate 60 pages, http://specials.slate.com/slate60/2006/ for his speech give in 2006. Amongst the list of modern philanthropists include Ms Oprah Winfrey or shall I say Principal Winfrey? I read her Academy's Wikipedia entry. It stated that she taught leadership skills classes herself via Telepresence. In the light of controversy she offered her charges cellphones with her number program to it.

Two Questions emerged

1 Who is gonna answer her phone 24/7?
2 What is it like to sit her leadership class?

Being homosexual is not a choice. While the theory remains unproven, but we tend to have certain suspicious toward combination of upbringing and biological factors.

Yes Larry Craig is not gay, according to our beloved Jason Belini of CBS, since gayness is a identity with distinct culture that requires soul searching, understanding, acceptance and ultimately celebration. Having sex with another man is a prerequisite of having same gender attraction, many other factors like emotional attraction have somethings to do with being gay/homosexual as much as the physical attraction.

Many of us over looked the fact that sex addicts would have indiscriminately sex with either genders, while many addict would choose cottaging or having sex with men to meet their addiction due to availability and accessibility. What if Larry Craig is telling the truth that he's not a homosexual?

For marriage or civil partnership to be contracted in the UK between a UK National and a Non-EU citizen, a certificate of approval for C.M./C.P. is required to be presented to celebrant. However an exemption is made for Church of England ceremonies where marriage license can be requested from ecclesiastical court. In my opinion UK currently has a miscegenations law due to the fact that marrying a person of certain nationalities are more difficult. This so called approval is not a hall pass for the visa and the couple can still be separated if further leave to remain is denied. An almost identical process is needed to obtain visa. While ability to join perspective spouse is a different matter it seems that government now has a say who shouldn't or should be joined in a wedlock.

Home Office and the parliament should have a gut to call this a miscegenations regulation and also to acknowledge openly of their xenophobia. This is yet another bigotry committed and promoted by Labour government. Duty of a government is to protect the vulnerable, to maintain a fair society through procuring education, crime prevention, dispensing justice, it was not ordained to legislate relationships and individual conscious.

Several weeks of illnesses (my own and my boyfriend's) and family engagement have accumulated clutter everywhere including in my mind. Coding (what's that?) has become increasingly difficult when I have a lot on my mind. The very same faculties required to churn out code and script are also used for idleness (or contemplation).

Last time I watched CBS/LOGO News Larry Craig was still being treated harshly. I can count events that Left, Right and Center joined force to ridicule and to destroy a man career. Ted Haggard seems to get away with an apology and resignation, however Craig was lynched from the moment he was caught with the wide stand.

Once frenzy starts to die down, several voices of conscious from within our Community and NPR began to critique many of us for being of double standard. I always believe that an injustice against any one is an injustice against. Revenge is always sweet and irresistible, however its bitter after tastes would surface, whether it is years or months from now. Larry Craig may bought this upon himself by choosing to cruise around nation's transit points. I take less judgmental approach toward people's decision to identify one self. It is only healthy to explore and reconcile with one own natures, whatever comes, after in term of culture and identity, this involves further critical thinking.

If I am so ordered by a superior to conduct such operation, I would file for sexual harassment. I also ponder the purpose of the operation. Aren't police officers and security guards supposed to patrol the building regularly to prevent all crimes, including sex in public area being committed. I also wonder why this particular type of misconduct was being singled out in St Paul's area.

Love needs neither celebration nor approval. It only needs only two hearts, two souls and remembrance. For the past few days, I have been following the House of Bishops press conference. There have been some encouraging and worrying developments with the Anglican Communion. There have been way too much information to remember, however my friend and I summarized these series of events as: Whether we, gays and lesbians are to be consecrated, wedded or otherwise we won't go away. I added that most people would keep on living no matter how bitter it is.

My reasons to live are hope and love. When I was single it was friendships or their remembrance that kept me living. It was also hope that woke me up every morning. I hoped to find love and companionship from a partner, a boyfriend. I am still finding it hard to be a grandson and a boyfriend simultaneously. I am yet to find my career path and to earn a descend living.

I find it appalling for several leaders within faiths communities to remain indifferent toward plights of Christians and other minorities in the Middle East and many places. The Bishops of Assembly of God in Iran remain in captivity. Christians have increasing left Iraq due to prosecution. I am also sad to see and to hear Amadinajad makes a mockery of our cultures by stating that Homosexuals simply do not exist in his country. It was only a year ago that two gay men were sent to the gallows. Previously he stated that liberal democracy is a failure. As long this man and his machinery still exist my prayers can never cease.

I have in my hand an executive summary of GLSEN School Climate Survey for 2005. It didn't take me long to spot and to decipher the key messages of the report. Three Quarters of pupils had heard remarks such as faggot or dyke. The expressions such as “that’s so gay” or “you’re so gay,” are used commonly used to refer someone or somethings stupid or worthless. I will be difficult to exempt myself from contributing to the problems. While the media also pointed out that gay community is also blame over its obsession with youth.

While gay characters are no longer used exclusively to convey stereotypes, but gay adolescence characters have noticeably absent from our TV screens. Kevin (Brothers and Sisters) may be brushing up against cliche on a few occasions, but he was portrayed in a more or less complete picture what includes career, family life and love. A notable exception is Nathan (Queer as Folk), who may be a teen boy, but he was portrayed in an adult context. It is my belief that gay young adult or gay adult may have a better time find a character or characters which are appropriate representation of themselves. These representations may in turn provide entertainment, if not inspiration to both gay and straight alike.

While I really enjoy Queer as Folk, but I think Nathan cannot hold up as a role model. Regardless to the accuracy of representation, his character represents at risk youth and extreme case. His presence in the series can only serve a reminder to adult of how to relate to youth. As I watched a few clips from high school the musical, I ponder if it is an appropriate platform for presenting the issues of coming of age for GLBT and Questioning Youths. What I am certain it is an opportunity missed for not doing so.

Can we really have it all; muscle, brain and love?

Gay culture venerate looks, physique. Recent it also looks for role models among itself

A sketchy image of a perfect gay man began to emerge. It is sketchy, neverthless it is an image that many of us including myself began to use as a guidance.

I came a cross Channel4's GaytoZ on the on demand service.
http://www.channel4learning.net/support/programmenotes/micro/gaytoz/inde... Channel4 is a mainstream television station in the UK, with very broad remits, that include provocative program and education materials for teens. As I watched this program I was happy to see another positive portray of Gay youths. It feels as if it is too good to be true. Along with typical days of gay men and women which were spent at home, at school and with friends, while Leaders of LGBTQ community discussed their childhood and adolecense periods.

The program presented a very optimistic view of gay life, which I felt that it may have been economical with the truth. I passed up many opportunities to participate in sports and other activities. I decided to quit playing baseball, because I felt uncomfortable around certain members of the team, and I always had confidence issues. I stopped going an evening theology class, because I had a crush on somebody. My friend called me naff, to let my sexuality to be a limiting factor. I might still be playing baseball if I could tell the coach that I wasn't feeling comfortable with certain remarks made by team member. I might still be studying that class, if I was able to discuss with the chaplain about my feelings even without specifically identifying anyone. If I have somebody to talk I might be havivng it all.

Discussing sexuality is difficult no matter how accepting the other party might have been. Through out our battle to define our identity, we learned to conceal our feelings, and we learned to become self sufficient. It is difficult for gay men and women to open up to their friends and colleagues, especially those who have authorities over us. While my head is telling me to pretend or to conceal who I am, but my heart is wanting to open up. This is the only time my brain rules over everything else. I believe my life would have turned out better, I had right guidance at the right times. In my opinion this is the only difference between queer and questioning youth and other young people.

Previously gay community might be prepare to judge and to categorize everyone based how to dress and what they look like, now opportunity has arise for us to get married, to have children and to succeed without any fear of discriminations, is the community extending its gazing eyes into wallets, dwelling places, diploma frames and family photos?

With my remits as a gay man are forever lengthened, I am yet to fulfill the older remits, which include the six-pack.

Silver ring is an expression of her faith and had argued in court that it should be exempt from school regulations banning the wearing of jewelery said Lydia Playfoot, pastor's daughter and high school graduate from West Sussex.1 The row began when Miss Playfoot took a chastity pledge at the age of 14 and began to wear silver ring to school. This in turn contradicted uniform code banning on wearing and uses of jeweler, while in uniform.

The pastor's daughter argued that the ring is an integral part of her Christian Faith, which frankly school and the court have disagreed with. I believe her right to religious believes and expressions have not been hindered, but her self endowed privilege to evangelize have been disapprove of. As silver ring is wore to advertise that fact wearers have higher moral superiorities and also to invite their colleagues to join them.

School and School District have duties and cares on behaves of parents and guardians of students, but not limited Lydia Playfoot's conservative parents to create neutral and safe environments which all students are entitled to in order to learn and to develop themselves. To advertize oneself as morally superior top those who choose not to wear this type of Jewellery, is to at best burden other students with undeserved guilts and at worst to become a disservice to all Christians and other believers by painting them with the same brush and with pain from the same bucket.

Today High Court Judiciary in London had ruled in favor of school and school district and also in favor of common sense. There is no single Christian religions, since the term religion was originally reffered to any sets of rules, which although not essential part of faith like but it was used as a tool to bring oneself closer to the divine. Such rules are meaningless if they hinder one ability to love.

Evangelization is an integral parts of Christianity, but if one does not do as they do preach. If silver ring thing program prohibits children and young people from learning about their body, It is my believe that does not achieve its objective.

Everyday and every time I met with Oliver, has been a bit of a heartache. It does not get any easier. I am feeling I just fell in love with this man. My relationship with this boy has been very unique. We used to have our separated lives. I had clubbing and Marc. That later was succeeded by KennyD. Oliver's relationship ended recently, but I have been hanging out with him after his relationship began to deteriorate. He helped me through the two worst break-ups. I wish I can have a chance to hold him and kiss him.