I know for myself I have the least to complain compared to all the adversities a lot of other people are going through... but for myself I've been really annoyed recently by a lot of things...
Recently I've been reflecting on the whole sexuality thing... I've started to wonder again if I really am gay... or bi. I don't know why I need this label so much. Maybe it can develop my assertiveness when I say "I'm gay/bi" if someone asks. The sad truth is that because I'm not sure myself I'm making it hard for everyone to understand "what" I am too. It's creating confusion for my friends and becoming a issue certain indivudals abuse me for and I really don't know what I want, what I need to say and how I should action or say it.
Haha, so there ain't any old priest dude preaching to us with a cross on his back.
Well first I went to John's place. In the end, Daniel, John and I found it more convinient if I went to John's place instead of going to Daniel's place before the youthgroup starts because Daniel isn't going to turn up on time.
First when I was walking with Daniel, Mike, Steph, John, Rory, Thomas to their street... Steph was like this to Daniel "Hey is that guy (Mike) going to your place as well? (That was when I was still going to Daniel's house)". Then Daniel was like "No, why would he?". Then Steph was like "Well, because it seems like you're bringing a gay guy home alone." - Steph is funni xD
Well, last Friday Daniel asked me to go to this youthgroup thing but I said I have to check with my guardians first so in the end I decided that I'd kum this week.
Apparently John, Michael, Thomas, Daniel, Teagan and a bunch of other people are also coming. It's gona be fun as. Woo! It goes until 9:30. Daniel keeps telling me how great it is to be a Christian (apparently I'm the only one out of all those people that ain't one :P). He said he's gona "amaze" me with his christianity 2moro. xD Before the youthgroup starts I'll be going to his house first anyways.
Well, our house internet is down and apparently only my laptop has it's internet working... so my sister came into my room to borrow my laptop so she kan log onto her skool website. I was like "help yourself" so she got on and maximised my browser from the taskbar. And uh.. oops.. I forgot I was enjoying myself looking at pics of guys making out just then lol. So she saw them and uhhhh then she just minimised it agen and opened a new browser window.
Oh yes, I have unofficially become one of the nerdiest guys in the year. =]
Today at my (already) extension maths class, our teacher was calling out everyone's Level 1 achievement results. The teacher said that she would've given me a E+++++++++ if she could (E as in Excellence). Man, I was getting a lil bit nervous with the attention and staring of people when she said that. But it ain't that bad I guess... Ryan started clapping and everyone joined in, which soothed the atmosphere by a lot. She also said she's going to use this as a model answer for other classes doing Level 1 achievement.
Story idea credited to this one by Dark-Lord: It's basically the main theme, I just wanted to practise it in my own writing style. http://www.oasismag.com/node/view/17830
Forever and Ever
The clockticking echoed itself in the deafening silence. A young figure rested his bottom on the surface of the chair; but at the bottom of his heart he is restless. His feet shuffled consitently as if they have contracted fire. A white man entered the room, dissolving into the quietness.
Richard was frozen. You can imagine him shattering into unfixble bits if you managed to touch him. The white man approached the teen that was clutching to his inanimate friend's hand like a street child clinging onto a bitten loaf of bread. The atmosphere was choking. This made the doctor's words tense. "You should go home and get some rest yourself my boy...". The street child tensed his hands harder. The doctor understood and left the room again.
It was all an accident. The tree projected it's limbs into the windscreen and all Richard knew is that he is smothered in his friend's blood. His beloved friend has been asleep since. Only now that nothing can muffle the "I'll be with you here, forever and ever" that Richard keeps congesting in his mouth right until now, the midnight of the incident.
Well, my coming out isn't that bad I guess. Since I ain't ready, I still get nervous wondering what I would say if someone asked me if I was gay (being the rather shy person I am). However, everything's been great I suppose. Most people's still the same... Michael and Daniel are the ones who makes jokes on my queerness in a way I don't feel all tightened up. Ting is still the same guy pretty much, although I haven't heard a homophobic remark from him since I "explained" to him how I feel about the whole issue. Josh and Atsu is still kind of clueless about the whole thing... Alex can be an ass sometimes... and Nelson still likes to think I'm straight and making reasons for me "not" being gay. I dun really know what Nixon thinks. Sometimes he calls me a queer and tells me to go away, but sometimes he can be really nice to be around with and laughs at the random things I say (Yes, the same old Nixon I know... changes all the time). Robert starts calling me the tall lanky Asian that shaves his legs. I don't mind actually, just the same way I don't really mind Stephanie, Teagan and Kalie calling me Maxine.
Okay, nothing much happened really... just felt like revising on what I did.
Got up rather early for a Sunday due to end of daylight saving... found out I was the only one home =\
Well, so I didn't do much really. I ran to my Chinese tutor's place to return one of her books I borrowed because I doubt she's resuming her class. As part of my daily exercise I guess I can run to her place anyway. But ya know... I kinda got distracted and went to this asian food place as wel and ordered all this fried food lol. Really defeats the purpose of the exercising.
Plucking the strings
Notes circulate the walls
The Melody rises and falls
The notes live in harmony
But the fingers slip
Sliding past the metallic chord into the air
But with such grace redeems itself
With the deceived hidden imperfection
Admiring an outward dillusion
The sound ain't right
There is a missing note
Without it the chord is never complete
My portruding fingers
Beside a thread of hope lingers
The thread is no wool
Itself has no shape or rule
I myself is such fool
How do you grip onto nothing?
I don't have that kind of talent
Forgiving you and accepting him
Having the truth in dim
Clouds mask a darkness in our hearts
The brighter our radiance and outside is emitted
The deeper our intertwined lies is knitted
I forecast that tomorrow skies will clear
Though our forecasts often flip
And in the ground remains a scar that rips
Water flows over its pathways brushing our memories
Well, at school today I almost came out to everyone.
It all started when Ting and I were having a conversation, and Daniel joined in and started saying "I agree" to everything. Then I was like "Daniel's gay". Then he went "I agree" as well lol. Then not even that, he added "I like boys" after that. Then I thought this was a time to kind of drop a hint on my homosexuality and I said "Yeah I like boys too".
I told myself that I'd never touch
is too much
I told myself that I can live without
but my heart starts to pound unrhythmically like a flapping trout
I told myself a little bit of you wouldn't hurt
I'd just come and leave without reason like the wind
But something draws me back to flirt
I told myself I can get over you
I thought I could
but not withdrawing a part of me is true
I was just on the phone with my mum who is overseas in Taiwan. Man we haven't talked for like a week. I
Well, what happened was on Wednesday, my dad needs to go to China for a training course so he asked my mum to go live at his place for 4 days to look after my brother (My parents are divorced FYI). As you might've read a while back, my dad's house is the messiest place ever lol. There are basically rubbish bags full of rubbish everywhere (still have like rubbish back from two years ago. I still remember seven-year-old dumplings in our old fridge! Hah, it could almost be antique). The stack of clothes are like huge mountains. The toilets literally have snails crawling on the walls.
Well, today we had our debate against Kristine College (note: College is Highschool here). Well, we lost. They were a lot more experienced than us, so our manager was very proud of us at the very least.
I screwed up my rebuttal section and I felt really bad for that. I thought I had let my whole team down. This is screwing up in front of all these people I know, including Dennis. Gawd I feel so bad. But I've got a very optimistic, caring and understanding team. I just think I take things a little bit too serious for myself sometimes and I get very emotional about it. (I even asked my team if they'll hate me if I screwed up before the debate started) I don't think I can help it though, it's just rooted in me that if I sucked then that's okay, but if I bring others down then I'm being selfish and irresponsible. It's just my nature. However, isn't debating supposed to be fun? Argh, I should try and enjoy it.