The first time you undermined my dignity
Your voice was fakely familiar
Like you created me
You made our fantasies sound like heaven
But these plains of purity
Prove your superiority
Unfog this mist and make things clear
Prove your divinty
Have mercy and take away all these tears
Whispering to my ear
You once said you can
Moonlight projects her misery on my window pane
Faint light accompanies me in this lonesone darkness
To tell how she sold her soul
To become slave of the abandoned companionless
Make the world sleep
In this forsakened ruins
Cast aside the afflicted affection
Is this home I am grown
I'm so alone
But leave me be
Don't join in hurting me
Having not cuts but I bleed
This blood does not stain
Dancing, singing in their rebirth
They are coming!
Praising, blessing in this renaissance
They are coming!
Together they descend from the realm of glory!
People, give up your edge
People, let go your anger
Together we ascend to the realm of glory!
Grow your wings to leave your blood-stained ground
Enlighten your vision for brighter afar
Fly sky high to smilingly cry!
Open your visions, you shall not fear!
Please open your eyes
See the surrendered love he gave
The love which lost perspective
Which you blindly robbed without doubt
Just open your eyes
See the suffering of his benign soul
Not escaping but submitting
To tormenting torture that satisfies
Now open your eyes
See into an unjustified hope
Hoping that his dim await
Hatches into your dreamed aspirations
So open your eyes
See into his eyes
Hmm.. I think in a way I'm a perfectionist... and it's reli getting to me coz I just can't let things go. I want everything to be at its best.. to be perfect.. argh, it's so annoying!
And argh, I think I'm too sensitive... I care too much about what others MIGHT think (although I've gotten a lot better to deal with this) and I feel bad and guilty and blame myself for things that might not even be my responsibility. Even though I know I do it, I reli can't help it. That's #2.
You'll punch me in the eye
And my skin will be a bruised banana
With my eyes leaking like a squashed grape
I will tear my heart out
Attack and stab it
Cut it and slice it
And feed it to your hungry desires
Tears drenched my remaining sorrows
Like the leftover pasta from last night
Yet I still try to swallow the baked coldness
Okay um this is gona be a bit of a rant... i reli have no idea where to start.. but it's just this shit holiday i've been having in taiwan. I've got absolute nothing to do here, I'm missing so much time I could spend with my friends in NZ. It's also so damn hot here.. its over 30 degrees celsius. And I'm just pissed off with everyone in my family.
First of all it's my sister, she didn't come back to Taiwan and instead went to a South America trip so she gave me this huge list of stuff I have to buy for her... but then she didn't even explain everything properly. She told me to get her a ball dress, and she doesn't even describe what she wants it to be like. She told me that she told mum what she 'wants', but she only told mum she wants it red. Now it makes it so hard to choose one for her and it seems like I have to bear that responsibility if I choose something she doesn't like. Besides that, she asked me to get contact lenses for her as well... she said dad will know the shop which has the 'data' for her eyes so I don't need to worry. So dad said few days ago that we were going to check out the contacts... but today when I'm at my mum's place and she called dad to remind him about getting my eyes checked and getting my sis's contacts.. my dad somehow was all angry and now he decided not to get my sister's contacts (the reason partly because he thinks my sister need to be here to get a contact lense that matches her eye). And now I have to be the person to send an email to my sister on the other side of the world somewhere in South America to explain about something I don't even know much to her. It's going to piss her off and when I go back to NZ I'm going to be the one she gets pissed off with. Omg.
Grr... I have this reali bad flu and it's really getting to me now. It wasn't as bad yesterday but today I'm coughing like *insert appropriate comparison*. I'm also having these really bad headaches... grr tomorrow's my last day of school this term. What a great way to start the holidae...
I entered into this room so divided
These people are here to study
I am no different
Here to study your calm composure
How I wish I was that book
Which you grasp so absorbingly
Your mind so attentive
In its simple significance
I made myself closer
To lay my eyes on you
To read your heartbeat
In this serene silence
Noticing my fatal interest
Your captivating body sends me
Your passionate messages
Your voice is a blade to my throat
Your embraces chain me up like barbed wire
While your charming eyes burn through me
You've held me captive long enough
I've got not what you want
Not what you desire
So let me go,
Liberate me from your addictive affection
Free me from your dangerous deception
Dismiss me from this insane pain;
This cage you gently adored me in
Let me live.
So the sky stained a crimson red,
I had painted it with my bloody hands.
The hands born in power,
Soaked in shame.
As I build my paradise on top of your shattered dreams,
I still can't understand the lust
Drawing me closer to fantasise about you.
About your love; fantasising your tragedies.
So I gaze
At the crimson red sky,
And begged for mercy.
For my sins are great.
I've had an extremely busy last week.. but I spent my weekend doing my work like I shuld so um, my workload lightened by a lot (I've done most of it)... I just have to polish up this sos assignment and finish reading this novel that's all. Yeah.
Just a few things that still continue to piss me off (some more than others)... I had this english Common Assessment Task... I got Excellence but I'm still extremely annoyed because I didn't manage to finish the test. If I just had 3 extra minutes I could've finished and gotten Excellence+. The reason I'm complaining is because E+ has a GPA of 100 on our report, while E only has 80. There really is a huge difference and it's reaaaalllly bugging me. We also lost our debate on Friday.. which we COULD SO easily have won if we didn't underestimate the opposition and expected to win. Also, on Saturday our team drew our soccer game because the frickin oppostion scored at the LAST MINUTE of the game. I was a defender and I twisted my ankle when that happened and I still feel really bad about it. So yeah, basically.. twisted ankle + opposition scored = sux. URGH. I hope these thoughts will just go away!! Like somehow I can force myself to forget it. Another thing that annoys me too is that I don't want to go back to TW this holz... I really want to hang around with my friends this holiday... but I HAVE to go back becoz I need to get the stuff I need for my Jap trip... oh well.
Gawd, I fucking hate everything. Does anyone even fucking respect me? Does anyone even fucking give a damn if I existed or not? What the hell is with everyone asking me to tell them what our homework is and then asking me to send them my work? Do they even fucking do anything themselves? Do they think I'm some kind of personal reminder tool?
Now I'm screwing up things with this friend at school and all that. He's awesome at school, but hella annoying on MSN. He uses my queerness for his own entertainment. Does he even have any respect for me? And for fuck sakes, he's been asking me to see The Omen for 1 week. I've told him I'm extremely busy and he's still annoying the shit out of me to go. Fucking hell. Maybe sometimes I'm not busy, but I'm just not in the mood for movies. I want to be alone. But how do I say that to people? I can't just say I don't want to socialise. This is so pissing me off.
Okay, since Daniel said those nasty things on Friday my whole weekend wasn't so bright. I've been having crushes on guys that I'll only be jealous for. Daniel's obviously not just being ignorant, but saying really nasty things. Blake seems to be saying things behind my back while acting really nice in front of me. Jing is just so random and he's straight as an arrow I just know it. Now.. my last major crush Tyler, who I realised I had feelings for..
I'm a Robot
Turn me on,
Start me up.
Tell me what to do,
And I'll do it just for you.
When my battery is low,
Charging me with life is your role.
But a virus infects me like winning a cursed prize,
Making me do things wrong in your eyes.
I can't tell you that I love you master,
You'll unplug me, I know it will matter.
Restart, inspect me, find my cure,
If there isn't any I'll move forward, my lover.