Life has really been up and down lately.

So over the Summer I saw my parents for the first time in two years. They were nice, my dad is still arrogant and immature and my mom is still naive. I miss them but I felt like these people never really knew me. I guess that could change, it would be nice to have a supportive family constantly there - but the cultural differences and the language barrier is just too much of a problem. They never will understand.

I am stupid and I am ugly I will never be happy

I forgot who it was that said to get over someone, you should write a novel. But because I have neither the time nor the ability, maybe I have been approaching it the wrong way. I thought I had to fall madly crazy hopelessly fall or another person as if i was metaphorically writing myself another chapter, or if that didn't work, distract myself with an extravagant and excessive lifestyle where everything blurred into one another like I was in some tv series where something has to happen all the time.

I'm becoming all those things he didn't want me to be. Is it conscious volition, subliminal inclinations or merely a coincidence? Am I immaturely resisting this amorphous control he has over me, or simply becoming myself again?

So many questions I cannot answer.

So many things i wanted to write about... But too tired now, I must sleep. I'm just going to make a list for now, because writing about it at this moment would not do it justice.

Sehr betrunken oh mein gott

Just visited the occupy Auckland people at two am in the morning. I guess I was so bored I had nothing better to do. I asked them a lot of questions. Might visit them again tomorrow.