woo! today I got my driver's license. I was so nervous but I did fine, woo! now I can drive when ever I want without a parent (until 11 pm) lol.
and....afterellen.com has reported that Michelle Rodriguez is a lesbian, or is at least in an relationship with a woman.
This day couldn't get any better...well unless Michelle Rodriguz decides to dump her girlfriend for me, haha :)
I just got home from doing the aids walk this morning. Three hours to walk 8 miles, whew! I feel so good and it was really cool to see so many people walking for the cause. This is my first year doing it and I hope to continue. Plus I got a cool t-shirt, lol
Last night for the first time in my life a girl asked me out. We exchanged our emails but woah am I nervous. If we decide to go out somewhere I have no idea what I'll say...or wear...and there is the possibility of people seeing us..Im not really out to many people...ok so basically im just babbling cuz im excited/nervous...And I donno if I like the girl, I mean she is nice and I didn't want to be mean and say no. In that case should I not go on date with her? oy, so many things are going through my head, lol
Woo! Lesbian, Amelie Mauresmo just won wimbledon today. Im so glad she beat Justine Henin Herdenne! That's all...lol...just wanted to express my joy.
UGH Im so annoyed I was watching the news today and now the government is voting to ban gay marriage (again)...they aren't gonna get enough votes but still ugh conservative republics are such morons. Besides being total asses (parden me) they are saying it's ok to discriminate in the constitution. AFter awhile I had to just turn off the TV it made me so upset to here these dicks talk over and ov
My mom told me today that now that she knows I'm gay it's like I'm not the same, and I have died (exact words) I don't know what to do. I agreed to go to counseling, and even opened up to my parents a little bit. But my mom has just mentally bashed me back, whether or not she is doing it on purpose. I feel like I don't matter anymore; my existence is nothing. Why can't I just be who they want me to be, I hate myself for being different, I've made them ashamed.
I haven't been on oasis for a little while. I've been trying to figure out if I'm gay or not, and I'm just confused. I need someone to talk to and asked my parents if I could see someone and they immediatley caught on. It is so ackward and I can't look at them, they said they understand but I feel like I have destroyed my mom. I don't know what to do, I'm going to see the counselor, my parents wanted me to get things straight (ha).
Today is so weird. Everywhere I turn the topic of homosexuality comes up. At school people were talking about it, actually one friend who is a big gossiper, asked someone if I wre gay, luckily my friend told her no. When I got home on Oprah the topic was gay teens, by the way it was really good, I thought it was informative. I told my mom I joined GSA, she wasn't too happy about that, we actually got into a miny fight,sob,and then at dinner she told my dad (who already knew I was in GSA) and they want on this rant on how if I were gay it would be ok, but they just don't want me to be in GSA because of what people would think. It was a little random, they just kept mentioning that it would be ok, and asking If i was, I said no...I don't think I'm ready to tell them, but should I? Some part of me thinks they are just saying it would be ok because they think I'm not...what should I do?
Today was so annoying. It started off with some girls talking about how they thought a teacher was gay..but instead said dyke..which pisses me off. I corrected them, but my friends thought i should have not done that because people will think i'm gay...Ugh and my best friend sometimes doesn't say the best thing all the time. For instance we were talking and she said that she doesn't think same sex couples should get married, that it's not really marriage, and I'm jsut like "HELLO!" And she keeps questioning me, "are u sure?How can you know with out having an experience?" And i've told her again and agiain, I don't think she understands. Also, yes I know, I'm in a very frustrated mood...in class i just got by with a B, and she anounces to the class that I also got this low grade in chem...which i understand that like ok yea it was still a B and all but grr don't tell everyone. I mean my friend is really smart and A's come easy and it just annoying to always see that A paper next to you or hear her say how she didn't study at all and is gonna fail, and then gets an A. I know jealously, but come one, sometimes she just shouldn't say certain things.
Today I told my best friend that I'm gay and not bi, that saying i was bi was just because I was afraid to admitt I was gay. I have nothing against being bi for the record...Today I also talked to the teacher that is the head of GSA, she was really helpful and understanding, she made me feel more comfortable and told me about people I could talk to. The only thing that is not so good, and I told
I keep saying i'm bi. My close friends believe i'm bi. That's what I have come to except adn I was cool with that. But as I keep thinking about it, i don't really have any attraction to guys anymore. And, well, I think i'm gay and i'm just afraid to admit it. I know the hardship that will come with being gay, and I think that's why i'm scared to admit it, and why I just say i'm bi, so there is some straightness in me. But as I keep thinking, I don't think it's true. I'm gay....
So I have this really good guy friend, we went out for like a week, yea but know we are cool and we talk about everything, he knows i'm bi and that's cool. We were talking about relationships and he kept saying that he doesn't understand why I want to be with a girl, that it's so hard and that life is gonna be so fucked up down the road, and that's hurtfull, he doesn't get it, but a lot of people
Today started out fine. I stayed after to class talking to my favorite teacher, there is something about her, I don't know, but w/e. Two of my friends just became an "item" which I'm all happy for them but it just makes me feel more alone. Two more friends found out today that i'm bi, I haven't decided if I'm gay, it's like I don't want to let the straight part to go but I really don't like any guys, well i think some are cute..but that's about it. Now I just feel like the gay one, my friends are still my friends..but it's different with my guy friends, there is no fun flirting anymore, cuz they know i'm not interested, and well I kind of just feel like the gay one, with no relationship, I don't even know anyone else that is gay at my school. "sigh" I just wish that I could relate to someone near me, talk to someone...I mean my friends are supportive and all but they really don't want to talk about it..it's ackward.