I've noticed that my daily intake of alcohol has gone from 1 bottle of wine to 2. I had 2 bottles last night. Woke up this morning and noticed my back was hurting, it felt like it was coming from inside rather than joint/bone pain. I guess that'll be the next fucking thing on top of everything else.

Skipped college today, most likely will tommorow too. Spent most of day crying. Briefly went outside to buy 2 bottles of wine, other than that just surfed the net looking up issues I have and finding some quite supportive sites with people that have my own problems.

I'm so confused.

Just over 2 years ago, or thereabouts, I started talking properly with this guy on the Internet. Back then I wasn't even "out" on the Internet to people I talked to, but he saw through me completely and would not stop going on about it until I gave in and so I came out to him eventually. He's gay too I might add.

So anyway we ended up talking to each other pretty regularly, and then we got kinda close. He phoned me regularly for a little bit, but the phone bills became a bit of a burden. He lives in the US you see, and I in the UK. However at one point he said he loved me.

I have over £50 left in my bank account, and nothing to spend it on. Plus I get paid on Friday. I like my funds being like this!

However, I'm a useless saver. By useless I mean I don't save a penny. If I have money left over then I will just buy something that I don't even want that much. iTunes music store is usually the lucky recipient of my hard earned cash! I just bought 5 music videos. Two of them were newly added Scissor Sisters ones (Laura + Take Your Mama). I didn't really know what the Scissor Sisters looked like because the last time I looked at their Wikipedia article it didn't have a picture. What a nice surprise I got!

I just spent the past hour in A&E...myself and Ashley were jumping across a room to show that we could do it without touching the floor. Yes, I know, what a stupid thing to do. We were bored.

Anyway, I got to the other side of the room and I was going to jump through to the next room, but miscalculated the jump, and virtually threw myself into the top of the door frame. I then proceeded to fall to the floor like a sack of potatoes, and my head bled profusely.

Okay I watched Brokeback Mountain yesterday. I struggled to keep my eyes open through it. In fact, there were only two things that got me to the end of the film:

1) The prospect of more hot sex scenes involving these two incredibly orgasmic actors.
2) The fact I'm gay made some scenes more applicable to me, in terms of identifying with the emotion they might be feeling.

Excellent acting from both Jake and Heath. But I just felt there was hardly any story...or at least not enough depth to the story that was there. Mind you the ending was incredibly sad and that tugged at the heart strings.

Does it annoy anyone else how the press refer to Paris Hilton as a 'socialite', as if it's a real title? As if it's her job? To quote Wikipedia on the term socialite:

"A socialite is a person...of social prominence who spends a significant amount of his or her time and resources entertaining and being entertained."

Could there be anything more vacuous? She spends her day doing nothing but "socialising", which basically means she's someone who gets to spend her entire life having fun and partying. I bet the same people who bask in her glow (yes, the sarcasm is intended) also criticise the monarchy for spongeing off tax-payers and having no right do so other than being born into the right family. Ironic, no?

For the 18th time I am spending Valentines Day alone. I agreed to cover somebody's shift so they could trot off with their boyfriend, and didn't realise how depressing it was going to be wrapping flowers for all these young men (many of whom were gorgeous I might add). The worst part of the night was when 2 alpha males were bigging themselves up and one was saying how he had two women on the go, but one wasn't getting flowers because, and I quote, "she's a bitch". On the other hand this guy who was pretty obviously gay was giving me a look and blatantly gave me a flirty look when he said goodbye. And he was the most gorgeous out of all of the dozens of men that went through the customer service desk tonight, so HAH.

Okay seriously, it's a fucking cartoon. How dare these stupid Muslims go around behaving the way they have been. Who DO they think they are?!

I saw an interesting opinion voiced by a Muslim on IRC. By interesting I mean hilariously stupid.

Firstly, they asked me to imagine if a cartoon was posted in a newspaper depicting my mother being fucked by a dog.

Well, umm, I certainly wouldn't go around burning embassies and sending death threats to random citizens of the country that the newspaper resides in. I wouldn't go around enforcing my view that my mum is the greatest in the world and no other mum is better than her, and I wouldn't burn flags or dress up like a suicide bomber in some sort of bizarre protest.

Fancy voting a terrorist group as your political leader. I mean seriously, I cannot muster the energy to feel sympathy towards the Palestinian people who are soon going to enter really tough times. Hamas is unlikely to renounce violence, and then the US and EU will undoubtedly halt aid to a country that desperately needs it.

If I had to compile a list of the 10 most stupidest fucking things ever done, I would put 'The Palestinian people voting for Hamas' as one of them. Right up there with 'George and Barbara Bush having sex'.

Well firstly a happy new year to everyone and all that crap.

Now cliche, pointless, repetitive well wishing aside, I thought I would write some excerpts from a book I've just started reading. It's called 'Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit?'. I find it very amusing. It's like a dictionary of things the authors find shit, but a couple I thought particularly true and funny are below:

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Sounds scary doesn't it? Fear not, it means I have a cold. Albeit a fucking annoying one.

I cannot stop sneezing! Now usually the feeling of sneezing is quite a nice one - but there is too much of a good thing, and every fifteen minutes is too much. I am sure everyone can understand the frustration of when you are SO close to sneezing and then it just cuts out. I feel bitterly disappointed. And sniffing, I cannot abide sniffing, but I cannot breathe through my nose. And I generally feel groggy.

So there we go, the day has passed. My sugar and alcohol levels are immeasurable and here I sit, on my new leather computer chair (which has 10 massage controls and heats up) thinking about the day.

The day started with a phone call from my sister who's spending her first Christmas away from us with her own family now, in their own house. Her boyfriend engaged to her this morning and got her an engagement ring as a present. That was nice. Grandparents also decided to spend Christmas on their own this year, so it was weird just having 3 of us, it didn't feel very special this year, just an average day really but with more junk food.

I got my Christmas shopping done today. All I have to do is buy for my nan, step brother and best friend. Actually, my friend is the hardest to buy for. But she got me such a great 18th birthday present (tickets to see Bon Jovi live at the new Wembley Stadium when it reopens!) that I think I'm trying too hard to come up with something wonderful. I'll get her something wonderful for her 18th in January, I think I need to relax about Christmas.

A semi-boring day.

I couldn't sleep last night. I made a stupid mistake at work and then I kept pondering about what people think about my ability to do my job, and if people dislike me. The mistake wasn't really bad or anything, it was just a stupid thing to do. Unfortunately I'm such a perfectionist that if I make a mistake, no matter how small, I feel that I've let myself and others down. Ironically the lack of sleep made me 12 minutes late for work today!

I started off feeling very excited about Christmas, a feeling which is declining rapidly with every pound spent.

I spent £51 on my neice and nephew, combine their ages and you could communicate the total age with just three fingers. It just doesn't feel worth it! £30 on my mum on some perfume, just because it has Armani slapped on it. I have to buy myself some more jeans (no really, I have to), aswell as buy friends Christmas presents. And grandparents. And I suppose I should send my dad a card. Add on top of that my alcohol and cigarettes for the month and I think I'm going to get caught short AGAIN.