I've been recently venting my opinions, including homophobia, on another medium that goes beyond text. YouTube is now my place of ranting, although I might post here as nobody in my "real life" knows I post here, and it's nice to come here.

Anyway, check out my YouTube page, www.youtube.com/MentalityUK - subscribe! hehe :P

Being wanted is a funny thing, something I've considered recently in moments of self pity.

Most of us all have a yearning to be wanted by someone else. It's the basis I suppose of relationships with boyfriends/girlfriends. Being wanted by another, above all others. You are his, He is yours. Beyond that we have "best" friends, or family members we're really close to.

Well, happy new year and all that.

For me it hasn't got off to a good start, but it never does. Fell out with a close friend, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Pushing on.

Still with Alex, 5 weeks and 3 days now! lol. Met up in London again just before Christmas, had another nice (but very cold) day.

So, it turns out we couldn't last a month of being single lol.

Looking back at my posts I've gone against everything I said I would adhere to - a level head, reason and logic.

Wow.

So, since my last posting, about being bitten by the lurve bug, there's been a little development in the drama.

I haven't posted here for some time for no particular reason. I think when I first came to Oasis it was as a closeted 18 year old and now, here I am, more out than Jack McFarland and just turned 20 (Nov 2nd).

I find myself feeling more and more isolated from this world that we live in. I mean, yes, I muddle through like everyone else – I'm no more or less intelligent than the average human, no more or less better looking than your average human either. I have no hidden talents, I can't play an instrument, I haven't a particularly amazing eye for fashion.

So I got really drunk last night and slept with my ex. In the middle of town. I'm probably on CCTV shagging. How embarrassing. It wasn't even very good.

I don't know if it was our shared fear of flying to New York tomorrow, or the effect of the depressingly rare bout of sunshine we got this afternoon, but me and my sister, Gemma, had an intelligent conversation. It was rather insightful, so far as it affirmed my belief that I'm right about a lot of things because other people are, quite simply, ignorant.

I have many news agencies attached to my so-called personalised Google homepage, including the BBC, CNN, Foxnews.com and Reuters as well as Gay.com's UK and US branches. This has seemingly been named "iGoogle" which in turn seems to be a rather eerily biased hommage to Apple's naming trend.

When will governments realise that peace is not achieved through war?

For the last few days I've started to not only contemplate, but accept, the possibility of suicide. Actually I think I've been thinking about it for years.

Well, Easter weekend turned out to be quite fun. I had an 18th birthday I went to on Saturday and it turned out I knew the bar owner and she gave me free drinks. I got extremely slaughtered and I don't remember a good few hours of the end of the night. Whoo!

I like getting to know people. It's fun, even more so when they are very different to who you're used to. So we have a new cleaner at work, she's a Jamaican woman with a pretty thick accent and not the greatest grasp of the English language. Exactly the type of person a British conservative is likely to look down on, which is precisely why I prefer to embrace her more than others!

So, my Friday/Saturday was pretty boring.

Friday night was absolutely awful at work. We had like 2 checkouts open from 8pm (we trade until 10pm) and the queues were so long. I was just standing there like a lemon being looked at, people expecting me to do something. Unfortunately there was nobody left in the entire store who was checkout trained. So embarrassing.