See Evil Tranny blog. Blog, Evil Tranny, blog.

http://www.eviltranny.blogspot.com

Watch as I throw my brain at the internet!

If ever I form a glam rock punk band, it will be called Manchild and the Dysphorias.

I recently read about the whole "men's movement'' and how men need to connect with their inner, primal Iron John lumberjackmanliness in order to live balanced lives. I guess it makes sense that repression of anything would make for an unbalanced life. Still, should women connect with their inner, primal shoe hording chocolate glutton? Maybe we should eat chocolate and be lumberjacks. ("I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day...")

So, at the end of March, I'm having top surgery. Which is awesome, but a little scary. However, while working out today I thought about all the things I'm looking forward to doing post-surgery that are hard or impossible to do with the binder on:

-Swimming

-Wearing white shirts

-Going running

-Pec workouts

-Lying in the sun

-Being cooler in the summer

-Wearing sweaters

-Feeling my girlfriend's hands on my chest

-Unbuttoning my shirts farther

-Not getting weird looks from store clerks

-Sitting in my room without boobs

From a site with pictures of signs badly translated into English:

http://engrishfunny.com/2008/08/31/engrish-used-remake/

I don't even know what they meant.

So, following 5thstory's listmaking example, I am making a list of things I want but cannot have (or cannot have in the near future), for no particular reason, just because it will make me feel better.

-Rice krispie treats

-Lots of coffee

-A bigger bed

-New guitar strings

-Fish and chips

-Condoms

-Top surgery

-A tuxedo

-Better hair

-A night with my girlfriend

So, I've learned to play 'Science Fiction/Double Feature' on the guitar. It makes me happy. I can now play a grand total of 3 songs. (The other two are 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' and '20th Century Boy'). It's very satisfying, and my guitar makes me feel sexy. It's a shiny black Fender Telecaster, and its ability to make a lot of noise that is completely controlled by me is oddly seductive.

I hate my ovaries. Not because they are overtly female, or because they hold potential babies or anything like that. But because they result in a period. Which is a week of bleeding and bitching, and (here's the killer) NO COFFEE.

Some haiku I wrote after returning from a walk.

Empty coffee cup
Abandoned on the sidewalk
Used up, and tossed out

Many pairs of shoes
Intrinsically animate
But still not alive

Familiar streetlight
Unlit and useless until
Twilight steals in

Silly little boy
Ice cream precariously
Balanced in his hand

A destination
Much more precious than its end
Because windows glow

I get to go see the Dresden Dolls tomorrow with my friends. Yay for stripy-socked angst. And I get to wear fishnets and a spiffy hat. So right on.

In other news, hot weather sucks when most of your clothing is black.

Also, puppies are cute, and ice cream is good.

Life is calmer than it has been in a very long time. It's kinda nice.

Mind if I corrupt you?, she said
And my mind switched to black and white
It became night time in a big city full of lights and rain
And she took a drag on her cigarette, then tossed the butt into the gutter
Where the lipstick-stained filter fizzled into darkness.

Not at all, I said
And I mentally adjusted my fedora,
Removing a lighter from my coat pocket

Here's a bunch of poems I wrote tonight while I was in a productive vein.

Modern

I feel very cold
But I might go stand in the rain

I'm not sure I can see
But I might go sit in the dark

I can't feel my legs
But I might feel the need to run away

I feel very fragile
But I might go stand on the highway

I might be insane
But you can call me modern
Or maybe misunderstood,

Here's me going on about myself:

Eye Color:: Blue
Hair Color:: naturally brown, now fading to peroxide blonde from purple.
Height:: 5'3"ish
Weight:: 130ish
Right handed or Left handed?: right.
Your Heritage:: English, Swedish, German, Irish, Scottish, probably some other European countries. I'm a mutt.
My Worst Habit:: Being way too hard on myself.
Shoe Size:: 8
Pants Size:: No idea.

The result of a pot of coffee and a weird night.

Baptism And Drowning

This is about the first man I ever had a crush on (that I realized for what it was), the choreographer for the school play last year.

Pedagogue

The lines of your hands are clear
Elegant and definite
You gesture to the people listening attentively,
Your hands carve the substance of your words
Shaping pictures in the air in front of you,

This weekend was the first practice of the school ultimate frisbee team/club. It was completely awesome. I forgot how much I like ultimate frisbee. It's one of the few sports I'm halfway decent at, and the people on the team are ridiculously wonderful, sweet, fun people. The only downside was that my shoulders, face and neck are sunburnt. Which hurts. But oh well.