why do I feel so empty?

i cant cry now
there are people around
i'll wait till its quiet
to bury my head in the ground

no i cant cry now
not in front of them all
i cant let them see me
when im weak, when i fall

i'll hold my head high
in the midst of this crowd
i'll try to hold it in
i wont cry out loud.

if i cried in this audience
i couldnt explain
because i cry cause im lonely
even though in a crowd i remain.

and how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you?

sometimes when the lights are out
i can still feel you
sometimes when the room is hushed
i can still hear you
your voice calling to me
like a siren
from the deep abyss
of those knowing brown eyes.
you haunt me well

sometimes when the air is drained
i can still breathe you
sometimes when the flavor is gone
i can still taste you
that cherry red lip gloss
and salt
from the tears youve cried

ive always been the type to not need a relationship. i dont understand why people rush to get married. why people HAVE to get married.
but i was in the car today.. and a line from a song said
"the book of love, we're all to young to know whats in it"
and it was an older guy singing. and so i was thinking well if he is too young.. who would be old? and I realized that he meant youn in love. and i got this whole metaphor going in my mind of how when people first get married they are like babies and then they grow up with each other.. and suddenly i dont know. it hit me that thats what i wanted. it was like a mental image of me in a white dress flashed in my head. and.. i dont know. but like i was thinking aobut marriage to a guy. but.. i like girls.. so that confused me as well.

have been rediscovering those old TATU songs.. o they were so great... its my new favorite cd .. again. hmm lol.
thats all folks.
sorry this was random
p.s. its raining and thats hot. LOL

Another poem I wrote in Math class... it makes no sense to anyone but me... its about a psychiatrist...I dont remeber what provoked me to write this
Happiness they say
Will come another day
I have heard this promise for a while
And still I have not felt to smile
Clinically depressed they label me
As they assure it is normal to be
But I dont feel normal, I dont feel fine
When death is always on my mind.

I just wanted to say hey to everyone, since i havent really introduced myself. Yes, I am new here.. dun dun dun. some friends of mine were talking about this site so i decided i would check it out. Oh! umm sorry about the million entries before this. I have poems scattered on random websites and journals and stuff over the last few years..so i decided to put them all in one place. I didnt realize I had saved so many tho.. i am ashamed.;) Anywyas I did a pretty lengthy entry in the info thing.. so hopefully yall can know me a bit better.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Margerie.
Margerie had the world at her finger tips.
Everybody worshiped her.
She was adored by all…. all but one.
No matter what she did, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get him to ever love her.
She never had to work for love.
All she needed was to bat her long pretty eyelashes, and she would attain whatever goal she had set.

Where the hell did we go wrong?
An now Im missing you all along.
We had something;
It was so good.
Now can we go back?
I wish you would.

At first it started out great;
I was happy you were my date.
As we walked you reached for my hand,
I liked it
So why did it end?

I got scared
I got scared
I got too damn scared
If it was love, I wasnt prepared

I got scared
I got too damn scared

Its the first moment Ive really smiled without you
Its the first time Ive laughed aloud and meant it
Its the first night I havent reached out for you
This is the first life Ive had since you left

Its the first moment I could breathe with ease
Its the first time I went a day not searching for you
Its the first night I didnt cry myself to sleep
This is the first life Ive had since you left

Life and Death
energy and peace
if it stopped today it was fun
even the terrible pains
that have burdened me
and scarred my soul It was worth it
for having been allowed to walk where I have walked
Which is to Hell on earth Heaven on earth
back again, into, under, far in between,
through it, in it, over and above it.
-Gia Carangi,1986

Where does happiness spout from?
From where is it derived?
For it seems to be a short-lived dream that
Only through faint memory has survived.
Unexpected, it shows its face
through a trigger of some sweet moment
Guarenteed to leave again
This fleeting kind atonement
Sadness, however, remains at will
For happiness fears its foe
But when happiness gains its lacking courage
The sadness will reluctantly go

Tell me you love me
While I hope you rot and die.
Tell me you're sorry,
Because I'd love to make you cry.

Tell me you need me
Like I used to need you.
Tell me you miss me
I'll be damned if you do.

Tell me you want me.
I'll tell you I hate you.
Tell me you've changed;
You'll see I've changed too.

Tell me you care now
I'd laugh in your face.
Like you did to me,
I'll give you a taste.

"A Graduation"
Im gone
Im out of this place
Just look at my face
I dont need this anymore
There's more in store
They'll miss me
I wont miss them
I wont have a care
I'll be out there
Makin' a difference
Changin' the world
No more looked down on
I'm a strong little girl
Look out yall
Here I come

I'm not done

I'm just beginning
If this were a game
I'm winning
Those I've left behind