Never try to organize shit over Facebook. Or rather, don't try to make plans with someone you really like but hardly ever uses the computer over Facebook. It's much better to just call her because things that would normally take a few minutes over the phone take like, a week this way. It wouldn't be so bad but, I still don't actually know if she wants to go or not.

So I toured art schools today. It was awesome.

Here's how it went.

Early in the morning I catch a bus to Boston. Some guy who wears too much cologne sits next to me and falls asleep. XP I listened to music on the way down. The Origin of Symmetry by Muse I think. And probably something else. I don't remember. Haha.

I feel like nothing ever really goes right in my life. It all kind of... Veers left at the last minute and crashes into a tree...

No, nothing happened. Just... It's ridiculous how much energy I spend -not- getting my hopes up. Damn me and my optimistic nature. XP

I visited Art Honors Society today, you know, the one at the school I graduated from. I was Alumni. It was nice seeing everyone, all of the underclassmen that is. :] I'm gonna help out with stuff because I love those guys.

Okay so, I must attract queer people. (I'm using 'queer' as an umbrella term for anyone gender-variant or not heterosexual) It's crazy.

Two people I used to spend insane amounts of time around are now out as "bi". I've known them since before I came out as gay, you know, the first time...

So I had this dream... And I was biking around my city, but it was suddenly a lot more wooded and a lot more green than it really is. And there was this path which had all of these gigantic bikes on display and stuff. I wanted to steal one so badly.

Noticed how you clicked on the title because it was the word "sex"? Yeah. I could market shit. I actually am going to talk about sex though, that wasn't just me being an ass and titling the journal "sex" to get people to click on it... Although, that is something I would do. :P

Knowing how many of my problems would be fixed if my mom took two seconds to care about someone other than herself...

Like if she let my sister move back.

Or stopped lying about my dad.

And stopped being the manipulative, HPD, 3-year old that she is.

Or stopped trying to rake my dad for money he doesn't have.

Or if she were willing to somehow help with my surgery funds.

Or, you know... Something.

:/

Somebody convince me that it's actually a good idea for me to call this girl (who I have dubbed Kite) and not do that thing where I pretty much break off contact with her completely (unless she initiates something) because it's easier than dealing with my emotions.

So my MP3 player isn't working. I plug it in and it crashes.

That's just great.

I wouldn't care so much but it's like the icing on the fucking cake.

That Halloween store I applied to, seemed excited about me but they haven't called me...

Nobody has called me...

Okay, so last night I had this dream where I saved TotalGeek's BUTT. (Which doesn't make much sense because he's the one with Martial Arts experience... But it's a dream so..) And then, after waking myself up in order to write it down. (That's literally why I woke up.) I had ANOTHER dream about it... It was like, the overdone, poorly written sequel... With whales. Angry ones.

Dude. I think you owe me. (TotalGeek that is. For the rest of this entry just assume 2nd person pronouns are talking about him.)

Turns out that I can't lounge around the house without wearing a binder. I can't even be in my room by myself without a binder. It didn't used to bother me but now it -really- does. Sorry ribs, you're going to have to deal.

I'll give my chest a break when I sleep, don't worry.

I can't talk to my dad anymore. If I do he'll just get upset because I can't trust him to make the money for my surgery on time. I go to him with everything. I don't know what to do now.

When I've been trying to learn a song for what seems like forever, and I've almost got it down but then my wrist starts crapping out on me because I've been playing guitar too much and the damn thing is too small. (I have a junior guitar.)

Go me.

So still no Classical Gas, at least, not quite. ALLMOOSSTTT THEREE.

It's that goddamn sequence of barre chords. Well that and the chorus. It's hard. But it's a great piece so it'll be awesome once I know it really well and can play it all the way through without thinking about it.

...

There's so much that I need to rant out that it's not coming out at all. I wrote this huge vent and deleted it because it was stupid.

I kind of want to cry.

...

So a lot of you know how insanely uncomfortable with physical intimacy I am, because I've got this tendency to go on about it. Well there actually is a reason for it. It's killing me keeping it to myself and I can't tell most of my friends because they'll know who I'm taking about and I don't want them to judge her for it. Because it's not her fault.