Yesterday I walked to the store with Sora (my crush at the moment) she started talking about her wedding, she says she wants to get married at the same day and place as me. (But not TO me, obviously) And she said "our wedding" at one point. I was like... Not saying anything at the moment, even though I probably should have come out to her at the time. But I would have ended up going on tangets and I'm making up exuces again aren't I? I got REAL close to coming out yesterday though, so... Yeah... I don't see why I'm so nervous, mabye it's because I have a crush on her... Well, next time we're talking about marriage or gay stuff or whatever (which is a lot of the time.. >_>) I'll just causually tell her...
I'm sure nobody wants to read about how weird yet wonderful my life is. But I'm writing it here anyways.
Yeah, I still haven't come out to Sora. (You know, that friend I have a huge crush on.) Mabye I should... But I haven't even been worrying about it latley. I mean, I haven't been hiding or trying to cover up, it's just, I don't want to SAY it.. It would be akward. And she really wouldn't care much anyway.
I was GOING to go to the amusment park today, with Sora.. But the rain decided to come TODAY. Not tommorow, not a few days ago when we needed it. TODAY! D: I'm REALLY annoyed right now.
I'm mostly annoyed because I really don't go anywhere often and I especialy don't go anywhere with my friends often. And they have a dance thing on friday nights, and my mom works next friday. So no dancing, or at least, I could wait untill the last dance this year. I'll talk to Sora about it later.
I got you with that title didn't I? Well I need advice so there.
Okay I haven't been telling the whole story, about my friendship with "Sora" in my past jorunals.. Because it's kind of embarassing. But I guess if I don't tell the whole story it's going to be harder to get advice.
Okay, first of all, Sora and I have been friends for a few years now. But we just became really good friends a few months ago. (Sora is my nickname for her, I'll go into why later.) She's crazy, hyper, and really open, and adorable. We're really really good friends now. I also have a huge crush on her.
Look at the bottom, it's important.
There's this girl who was an amazing artist, I knew her a little, and I just heard that she commited suicide and died a few nights ago. It's so hard to think that she isn't around anymore, she wont be commenting on the oekaki, or drawing any more wonderful pictures. She was such a nice person. And I can't stand reffering to her in past tense like this.
I'd like to say that she's in a better place, but I'm athiest so I'd be lying to myself. It's just that... I don't know, there's no words for this... I want her to be alive, it's not fair. I wish I could have done something. But now it's too late.
It's annoying when people tell me that I'm going to want a man one day, or that I should be taking interest in boys soon. They normally say things like that in hopes to get me to wear make up or wear less baggy clothes or something. I dunno, it just really annoys me. Though I try not to show it.
I get this weird feeling that my dad dosen't fully accept my being gay. I mean, he's okay with it. But today he said that I might not be gay for the rest of my life or something. He said some other stuff too, and it was like he was inferring that I should like boys. So I sort of told him that I could never see myself spending my life with a guy... Ever. *insert gag here* (No offense guys.) Mabye I could have flipped it around and said "That's like saying Micheal might not be straight for the rest of his life." (He's my cousin, he's probably the straightest guy I know. XD It's funny watching him around my friends, he'll get all nervous and stuff. XD OkayI'llstopmakingfunofhimnow. >_>') Seriously though, I'm 99% sure that I'm never going to like guys like that. And that 1% is only there because I always 1% dobut EVERYTHING. Including my own existance... Haha, don't ask. X3
I'm not sure what to think anymore. I mean, I have this huge crush on Sora (my nickname for my best friend.), but I think she might like me back. But I keep dobuting it because I don't want to get my hopes up. But seriously, the things she says and everything. I wish I could talk to her in person. But she's grounded or something so I can't. D:
Seirously though, we visit eachother pratically every chance we get, she gave me a boquet she got at a wedding, which should be proof enough... She hasn't said anything about any crushes for a while now. Which is strange for her. Though it is summer but still. She want's to move in with me as soon as she's old enough to. And she's dead serious about it too. AND she's only been saying that since her strange dissapearance of crushes to talk about... There's a lot of other stuff too but it's a little embarassing.
I'm not sure what I did, but I was walking by Soras (My nickname for my best friend... The one I also happen to have a crush on.) house. So I decided to drop by. And we chatted a little, and then her mom called her over, and I couldn't hear what they were saying... And then she came back and said that she couldn't hang out with me for a while. So I sorta waved and left. And then halfway back to my house I realized that would mean that I probably won't see her for a while. I keep feeling giluty. I hope I didn't get her in trouble. Whats worse is when she said that she wouldn't be able to see me she sounded near-tears. Which makes me feel even more giulty. I've been in a bad mood since then... I think it's because I came at a bad time, like when she was supposed to be doing chores or something. And I was supposed to know, she probably told me. But being the super-forgetful and dyslexic person I am... I probably forgot or something.
Okay, so I have this friend, let's just call her Sora, and she lives just down the street from me. We see eachother pratically every day. And we sleep over at eachothers houses a lot. (Which is great because she is SO cute when she's sleeping.) And... I can't stop thinking about her.
When I'm around her my thinking abilities go down the drain.(Swoosh!) It's really weird actually. I'm always worried about what I do or say, because I'd hate to offened her or anything. And if I feel that I might have made her the slightest bit uncomfortable, I'll feel giulty for the rest of the day...
It's like. I know that if I come out to my friends, one of three things will happen.
1) They'll laugh and say that they knew it. And then start talking about cute anime / video game charechters with me like we always do. Stuff like, "Do you think Kairi is cute?" Or "Whadda think of Winryyyyy?" and stupid stuff like that. (And this is most likely too, since I've already gone on my "Orlando Bloom is SOOO not cute" rant, and when my friend points out cute guys (fictional or otherwise) I'm all like "Riiiight... *eyetwitch*" So they're probably waiting for me to tell them. With prepared lines and everything.)