Yay for gibberish titles that express frustration!

Well, you'd be frustrated too if you FINALLY got the courage to tell the person you liked that you like them only to not get the chance to talk to them much at all. I see more of Soras brother and siters than I see of Sora. I don't mean too, but it keeps happening. Because Sora is so busy with soccer and school.

I hope I can see her tomorrow. So I can tell her. I don't like suspense. It's great for books or games or movies, but I don't like it in real life. X_X I just want to tell herrr... Argh. I was going to tell her last week but she was busy. And she's been busy. A lot. D: Why didn't I just tell her when I had the chance two weeks ago? Whyyy? X_X

I was taking a walk and I saw Sora taking out the trash so we spoke a little. She had a soccer game today. Her team won. :) But it seems like she is SO busy latley. Well at least there won't be any soccer in the winter.... Oh, I'm being greedy again aren't I? Ooops. ^^;

Whew. No spending money for me. I need to save it. I want to take Sora to a concert and a convention.(As friends...) Because I feel like it and I don't like going to events by myself. I don't know if she can go the concert yet. (She can go to the convention if someone pays for it.. Which will end up being me because I am oh so generous... I just manage to be selfish at the same time.) The concert is on a school night. D: (Could be worse, could be the same day as the convention. X_X) But if she can that would rock. I'll ask her tomorrow.

I have un-officially fallen in love with the Wii. (It's not offical untill I play it.) And they're having this tour-thing. With awesome music, and awesome video games! And I might get to go!! And plus I want LoZ: Twilight Princess. A lot. And did I mention how much I LOVE the music in that trailer-thingy? And plus Link, as a wolf? Totally! But unfortenatley link is Right-handed now for the sake of the right-handed precent of the population.

I finally spoke to my mom today. She didn't say much. But I spoke to my sister, and I had to hold back my tears. I haven't been away from her for this long since she was born. It felt so weird talking to her. She sounded a few years younger, so the whole time I felt like I was talking to a 4 year old for some reason, even though she's 8. And it's so weird. I mean, I've kind of gotten used to her not being here really fast. But when I spoke to her it just all hit me and all of that crying I didn't do came out. But I didn't cry on the phone for her sake. But I still miss her...

I took hip hop class today. It was full of girls exept for one boy. I felt kind of sorry for him being the only boy in the class, that must feel weird. (I've been the only girl in a class before, for some tech class.) But anyways, it was awesome. Though I haven't really made friends yet. But I'm sure I will.

You know what? I found something out today. Things don't get much more complicated than wemons clothes. Especialy when you're short. The "cami top" fit me like a mini dress. X_X And the pants were wosre. I keep forgetting that I need to go to the petite department. And it's confusing anyways. It dosen't help that the store I was in had the sportswear clothes in the maternity section. Yeah, that's bad I know.

Guess what I possibly convinced my dad to get me for my birthday? That's right! The Revolution! (I REFUSE to call it the "Wii" X_X) I just have to give up any other birthday and Hanukkah gifts from him. =D (And any hope of getting a PS3 next year, considering last year I convinced him to buy me a Game Cube for my birthday and a DS for Hanukkah. X3)

Yeah, my birthday is November 1st. And Hanukkah is like, the 15th of December this year. And the Revolution comes out November 19th. So I convinced my dad that I'd give up any other Hanukkah gifts and Birthday presents. Since the thing is gonna cost $250. And plus I had a really bad 13th birthday, so I want this to make up for it. (Yeah, this is the one time of year when I'm totally greedy. >_>')

It's annoying. I was like, waiting for today, so I could tell Sora how I feel about her. And I go over there right? And as soon as I get there her cousin gets there and she has to leave. So I don't get the chance to tell her. And I was ready this time! D=

It's like, either I'm ready to tell her, and I don't get the chance, or I'm a chiken and I get 5 billion chances. Or I totally forget about the fact that I want to tell her. It's kind of pathetic. She's busy tomorrow but mabye I'll like, get to see her in the evening or something. I don't know what's going to happen when I tell her. But I want to anyways. I think I'll take a risk for once.

...Don't ask. Sort of an inside joke between Sora and I.

Anyways, I saw Sora again today. And again I was sitting on her steps talking to her, and again I'm going to use that as an exucse for not telling her. (You know, coming out to her and stuff.) But we talked a little. Mostly pointless stuff. And then she left to watch a movie.

I was thinking. About how sometimes we look each other in the eye, and then we'll just start laughing. That happens a lot actually. Weirdness.

Wooo. Bored.

I saw Sora again today, we chatted for a little while, and I let her borrow my new Manga. (Bleach. =D) And I still didn't get to come out to her or anything because we were on her front steps again. (Her sisters kept coming by and bugging us.)

And as for the clubs at the public school thing. I sort of joined the pottery club but it dosen't start till October. Oh, and did I mention we went to the school twice today. Becuase we went there once and the lady was like. "Oh, just lookit the websiteee." and so we went home and I did. And the amount of useful information there was like, near 0. I mean, the list of clubs they had at the school was longer. (And included a GSA.) and the list of clubs on the website was considerably shorter. But neither list had any usefull information on the clubs at all really. But the one on the website had more. I'll like, worry about the GSA later though. That school is still kind of creepy. (I don't like crowds.)

Something that dosen't happen very often. XD

Okay, anyways, I was thinking, since I'm home schooled and stuff. Mabye I could like, go to some of the clubs at the local high school or whatever. And that way I can actually have the social life of a normal teenage girl... Somewhat at least. X3. It'd be nice. And I would go to the gay youth meetings at the local UU church but they're kind of weird about it. They make the parents sit through some slides or something. I don't get it either. But maybe I could ask them about it again. Because talking to people in person is nice.

Nothing really happened today, but I did a lot of thinking. (I also watched Bleach on youtube a little. It rocks =D)

I know what I want to say to Sora now...

I want to thank her.

Before we became really good friends I was in a constant state of depression. I won't go into why, I don't like talking about it. But I was. If it wasn't for her I'd probably be suicidal at this point. And, that's a big thing, because now I'm one of the happiest people I know.

Why am I so stupid? WHYYY!? I managed to get Sora to start questioning what was bugging me. But I couldn't tell her. She told me herself that she wouldn't stop being my friend. And I belive her but I can't tell her. I don't know why? D: I even ran out after her when she began walking home. (For some reason I'm not allowed to walk her home.) And I told her that there's something I want to tell her. And I froze up again. Why am I like this? Well, she told me to call her later and I did but she was already asleep. (It was 7:30) So I guess she got as little sleep as I did.

I just saw Sora! The first thing I did was hug her, of course. Though the walk over there was a tough one, I had to like force myself to go, I was so nervous. I don't know why. And my heart was beating so hard. She probablby felt it when I hugged her.

But we talked, well, she talked. I listened, about soccer, she made the team. And other random stuff. With this huge silly grin on my face. She said that she missed me. And I got eaten alive by bugs but it was worth it... And... I fail at completing a thought right now. Oops.

No, not the feeling of gutair string indents on my fingers, though that feels weird too. But when ever I think about Sora I feel all fluttery and stuff... Like, I could be walking, since I walk around the block to help clear my mind. And I'll start thinking about Sora... Again, and I'll stumble and forget to breathe. Never felt like this before, I just started feeling this the other day while I was in PA and I was writing in my diary. Because I'd start writing about her, like the conversation we had on the phone or something, and all of the sudden I'd feel like passing out or whatever. And it's like, at this rate, I probably will pass out when I see her. You know, from the forgetting to breathe thing. XD

Don't ask about the title. I begin to run out of ideas after a while.

My mom and sister are going to Florida. Probably going to move in with my crazy grandparents who hate my dad. X_X It would have been one thing if she told me but she won't even turn her phone on! And I miss her, and I miss my sister. D: I'm not even sure what I think of her anymore. I wish she would talk to me. Why won't my mom call me? ._.