My dad took my aunt and I to this philosiphy meeting at some cafe. And we (They, I tend to just listen to everyone and not say much at these things.) were talking about morality and stuff for a while, and somehow homosexuality got brought up.

One guy said that he used to be pro-gay rights, but he changed his mind. The rest of the group was totally pro-gay rights. I was nervous though, but I didn't say much. My dad asked the guy why he thinks this, I know he was doing that because I was there. His arguments didn't really make much sense to me. He said that being gay is wrong, because men and wemon compliment eachother in a way that a woman and a woman or a man and a man can't, stuff like that. He sounded better than most people about it, who are like "Being gay is wrong cuz the bible says so." and no further reasoning. He said it's wrong, and my dad brought up his birth mother (he's adopted) and how he exists because she was pushed by society to be straight, and she made a mistake when she was 16. And after that she did what came natural and she's better off now. (Well, I don't know how she's doing, I apparently met her when I was really young. Mabye I should contact her, it'd be interesting.)

So, I woke up this morning to my mom calling me. I don't know how I managed to sleep until 8:00 today,I always, always wake up before or on 7:30. But my internal sense of time is probably off because of the fog.

But anyways, Mom wants to see me, I want to see my sister, Dad wants to see my sister. Mom dosen't want to see Dad, and my sister wants to see both of us. My mom also refuses to talk to my dad, she's been like that since she left.

I don't go to school myself, I'm home schooled. (Closer to, I teach myself if there's something I want to or need to know.) But all of my friends do. It stinks because I can't see people my age when they're in school. But that's not why I don't like it.

I hate school because you're stuck there for 6 hours a day, and then they give you two hours of homework. Or at least thats what the schools I went to did. And that's what Sora's school is apparently doing.

Ever since Sora slept over and said that she'd be my girlfriend (Err.. Halfway my girlfriend as I decided to call it.) It feels sort of like a dream, unreal. Like I'm about to wake up. Like everything that's happened really didn't. I'm afraid when I talk to Sora that it was a dream and it's going to sound weird and she's going to be confused or hate me for some reason. I don't know why, it's a feeling I have. Like it's all in my head... (Well, it sort of IS but that's besides the point.) And I don't know why. I want everything to feel real again. But nothing does. Not pain, or what I see, or what I hear. It all seems fake. Why does it always get like this whenever something big happens? Why won't it go away? X_X

I'm Riku now! I've been wanting to change my username for a while, but I finally got around to it. I'm still me, but I rather be called Riku anyways. *nods* I hope not too many people are confused.

So you're probably wondering what happened, I sent Sora an e-mail that basically asked her to be my girlfriend right? Sora came over, and she checked her e-mail. (I told her too. Since I knew she haddn't yet.) And by the time she has the browser up I've left the room. I sat in a different room and listened to her type. (I was littarly shaking.) And she came in and hugged me. Then we avoided the subject and watched stuff on youtube for a little while, and then she brought up her e-mail account on Yahoo again and started sending me something and then she kicked me out of the room. And so I waited. And then she told me to check my e-mail.

I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I know it. You know what I just did..? I just sent Sora an e-mail saying how I feel about her, and that as long as were friends I'm happy. (Sora = object of my affection) Oh I can't belive I just did that. Why did I do that?

Man what kind of idiot am I? I can't belive I just did that. Why did I do that? I can't belive I just did that.

Well... I'll tell you how things turn out... I think I'm going to need tranquilizer to get to sleep though. I'm such an idiot.

I found this really cute Howls Moving Castle AMV that I saw at a convention. It's here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vkVLLaX4xbk

It's so cute! =D (It has movie spoilers so if you don't like that don't watch it.)

Anyways, Sora came over today for a little while. We just spoke a little and she stole my strawberry pocky. She also used used my computer for a little while. That annoys me. But anyways she's gonna have school off on Friday, so she's coming over then. Mabye I'll tell her then, I dunno..

Haha, I bet that got your attetion! But this time the title actually has something to do with what happened. So there!

Okay, my cousins came over for my birthday party. And so did my friends Sora and Namine. (Sora's sister.) And we like, listened to music and danced and stuff. It was fun.

Well, first, I'm gonna be using a lot of nicknames.
Riku = me, 14 yo girl.
Sora = Object of my affections. A little younger than me.

Don't tell me you fell for that title again!

I felt like deleteing my other journal entry and writing this one. Because it's longer and includes what happened today.

Yesterday was awesome! The weather was great. Sora (My BFF and crush.) and I went trick or treating. (With her family and their friends.) Annnd.. It was awesome! We went around saying things like "Happy Christmas!" (or some other random holiday.) and when we got candy we said "Aarigatou" and stuff. We had matching coustumes too, I was dressed as a schoolboy with cat ears and tail and she was dressed as a school girl with cat ears and tail. That was incredibly cute by the way. And she was flirting with me. I'm almost positive that she's been flirting with me.

Yeah, I know, all you people who've read my previous journals are probably all fed-up with me. Because I'm so confident until she actually shows up, which is the exact moment that my brain turns to mush. Like soba noodles, except probably dosen't taste as good. And dosen't come in little boxes with convienet pakages so you just boil it and then add some sause and you're done. *rabmling*

Anyways. So that's probably why I've had no comments on my journals latley... Or mabye it's karma, because I've been commenting on other peoples journals less... ^^' I've been trying to fix that but I'm never happy with what I write and end up deleting it. D: Mabye I shouldn't do that. But I'm always holding back things I say and stuff, if I were only more open.

Yup, that's what causes me to forget things on a regular basis. XD

Apparently, I sent an e-mail to Sora saying that I wanted to talk to her. And, then forgot about it. And I check me e-mail and it says she's gonna talk to me today. Which kind of scares me. X_X I wanted to tell her (How I feel about her.) today anyways but...

On the other hand, I had a dream a few nights ago, where I kissed her, it was weird. I was thinking, it was like a video game and if something went wrong I could just go back to the last save. (Don't we all wish we could do that?) And so I kissed her. And she just stared at me. Like a zombie. It was weird, she didn't say anything or do anything at all. This happened twice during the dream. (it was like rewind and playback.) Kind of creepy. I hate it when people I know do creepy things in my dreams.

She is so... Why did she move all the way to Florida!? (My mom that is.) I can't see her and my sister down there. She didn't have to move that far away. I miss them.

I'm writing a story now, I don't know if I'm going to let anyone read it, but I really like this, so I think I'll finish it, and if I do I might upload it somewhere.

Why did she have to move so far away..? Why? ._. I want my mom and sister back. I spent an hour on the phone with my sister today, I got a card from her in the mail. She's not going to be here for my birthday...

Today was interesting... To say the least.

Okay, so Sora called me, and told me to come over, and, her sister and I hung out until thier other sisters got home from school, and we talked while waiting, and Sora and I started planning our "wedding" hehe. It was so funny, Demyx would play music, and Roxas would sing (Because his voice actor is some singer dude) and stuff. And I decided that Sora would wear the dress, because he's girlier than Riku.. X3 And so her sisters get back, and we hang out and chat and listen to ring tones, and Sora tells everyone that we're "engaged" (She used to do that a while back, but she stopped. Now she does again. Hehe.) And we're just walking and chatting, (She winked at me twice today.) one of her sisters boyfriends joined us. Sora told him about our "being engaged" and he's like "So you're lesbians?" and she's like "yeah!" and I was laughing so hard, mostly because if I wasn't I would have to say something. She kept saying "I'm sorry." while laughing about it but I don't know why. It was funny. And he's like "so you came out of the closet?" And she's like "yup" and I sort of nod... And still laughing. And her sisters are like "Not really" (But I didn't notice they said that till later. Otherwise I would have said something about it.) (We're all still walking by the way.) and it was so silly. I always love walking around in big groups.

I've noticed that my dad acts a little strange whenever Sora is around. Because she's always hugging me and stuff. But he didn't always act strange like that, only since I came out to her. I found out why recently.

Yesterday, I started crying, because I want to tell Sora how I feel but I'm scared. He asked me whats wrong, so I told him... And apparently he thought I told her already, when I came out to her. And apprently he didn't notice that he was acting weird either.

I saw Sora again today. You know, that girl that I'm in love with that I can't stop thinking about or talking about? She's my best friend. And she came over again today.

So, we watched some anime, and talked a little, and acted genrally silly a little. At one point she was on my lap and I had my hands around her. (Long story, I don't like it when she's on my computer all of the time when she's over here, so we were sort of fighting over it, and it ended up she was holding my hands around her so I couldn't log her off using the keyboard and she was on my lap because... She always does that.) Even though my leg really hurt it was so comfortable. Haha.