Today I came home looking like I slaughtered a family of bananas.

Hehe.

So I was in a pretty tactile mood since I got up this morning, when I was walking to school to catch the bus. (The show was a senior-field-trip) I kept grabbing leaves and stuff as I was walking because I felt like I should have been holding something. I also felt kind of out of it, so things felt kind of surreal all day.

A really good day to see the Blue Man Group. =)

Hehe.

Get Yearbooks today. We're having a barbeque thing that I probably can't eat anything at. (They'll have veggie-burgers but most of those aren't vegan and plus I don't trust them to keep everything separate so I don't get sick.) Bringing my camera and bringing the crapton of cookies I made the other day. I'll probably bring a sandwich or two for myself so I have stuff I can eat.

I'm in a good mood. Still kind of "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ENDING" but, you know.

I'm also a little dehydrated. I should remedy this.

I went to my senior prom last night. (My best friend and I went together, we went in lemon and lime and had duct-tape boutonnière

It was awesome.

The music sucked 90% of the time and the DJ wasn't so great.

But that didn't keep prom from being awesome.

And everyone looked so nice. =)

And now I'm kind of sad because I'm starting to realize that after my graduation cruise, I'm not going to see a lot of those people again. :[

So it's bittersweet.

As opposed to semi-sweet like the chocolate chips in the cookies I am going to make today.

-Ash

So today I woke up and I was kind of like 'meh, tired' and then I ate and listened to music and danced around the kitchen (the key to happiness - dancing around the kitchen and eating snacky foods like fruit or peanut butter) , and I've been in a good mood ever since. I did nothing in math class. I did nothing in physics class. (there was also a Senior class meeting somewhere along the line.) I watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" in Mythology, then I went and (FINALLY) talked to the Health 2 class about super-personal trans stuff and it went super-fab.

So my friend who is friends with the girl I like told me today that she apparently hooked up with somebody last Saturday. This especially bombs because I would have asked her out on Friday (hopefully) if she had been there.

So yeah.

Sorry that I haven't been commenting on people's stuff recently. My life is like "OH BY THE WAY. YOU HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO AND VERY LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN." But like, as soon as I graduate I'm going to have basically nothing to do until halfway through July when things get interesting again. |D

So, I still haven't asked that girl out. Haha, Monday and Tuesday were crazy because we had short classes. I wasn't there Wednesday. (Catching up on homework) I chickened out on Thursday, and then she got sick and wasn't there Friday. D:

So I am GOING to ask her out because if I don't as soon as I'm out of school I'm going to regret not having done so. I have three weeks left however.

I think it's only more nerve-wracking because I'm afraid she'll turn me down just because she doesn't want to get started with someone who is leaving. But she does know I'm sticking around for at least a year, someone was asking me about college the other day so she got to hear that. Which is good. Because if we actually did go out a year would be long enough to decide upon things of or pertaining to relationships over a distance.

They hate life. I swear they do. the only reason I haven't ax-murdered/defenestrated/drop-kicked/exploded my printer is because it's my scanner too.

It's all "OH MY GOD YOU'RE OUT OF INK"

and then it was like "OH. You know how I'm supposed to automatically move the ink head so you can replace ink? Well I don't feel like doing that anymore. Ever."

Are these going to be the 3 longest months of my life?

Yes.

But it could be 5 months, or 10 months, or ? months.

So I'm not complaining.

I don't have an actual -date- scheduled because exact dates are up in the air, my surgeon is moving between places apparently. But that's not the point, I know it'll be in August.

But um. 3 months until I get top surgery, give or take.

I'm glad.

So yesterday I went to the Art Honors Society Induction because my Art Honors Society is awesome. It was funny because when we went out to eat afterwards I got a fortune from a fortune cookie that said "You have a deep appropriation of the arts and music". :)

I need to talk to a certain friend of mine about our youth-trans-group-meetings because they always go and then talk about unrelated things and such. And it really bothers me, and a lot of the people there. :/ I've neglected to say anything to them however, but I will. Today. I promised blackbelt I would so I have to.

Hahaha.

So there's this girl in my photography class, and I've managed to make eye contact with her on several occasions, and exchange smiles even, but that's -all- I've managed to do. She's the -only- person in my photography class that doesn't really talk to anyone and lo and behold. She's also the one I get a crush on. :P

It's dumb. I have a hard time talking to shy people, because I'm still pretty shy, it's just easy to pretend you're not when everybody else isn't. But shy people are the only people I ever like.

That was the temperature outside the last time I checked. The temperature inside my room isn't far different.

When it gets into the 80's I don't want to do anything anymore.

And it makes me depressed.

I've done absolutely nothing all day. Which is also depressing because it's my last day of vacation. All I've done since this morning has been lie in bed. It's too hot.

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I can not how express how much I hate this weather.

I want it to snow.

Please can it be winter now?

Things maybemighthopefully be turning around for me.

But I'm going to try really hard to not get excited until my surgeon has the money and the date is scheduled. But good gods...

So I have an appointment for a consultation with Dr. Melissa Johnson on the 10th. =3

good gods if I don't get this surgery scheduled soon I might explodeybrain all over the everything everywhere. Which would be bad.

Okay, so there is a mechanism in my brain that does not want me to be in a relationship ever. I have decided this because, not only am I picky, but apparently, I only ever get crushes on shy people. Like, real crushes. This is a pain because, I have an easy time talking to most people when they have an easy time talking to me. But if someone is shy it makes it sososo hard. XP

So now I feel like an asshole. :/

This is why I distance myself from people. If I don't, I start caring about them and it pisses them off.

...

I wish I could say something that actually helped for once.