Hey guys.

Riku — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:30:47 -0500

Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive... And stuff.

I decided to start telling people that I'm gay, for the sake of simplicity. I'm sick of being asked what "pansexual" means and a lot of people aren't satisfied with the "I don't have a label" answer. Plus, I'm not really attracted to girls anyways, as of right now. So whatever.

Dear mom

Riku — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 08:43:15 -0500

Whether you accept reality or not.

That doesn't make it go away.

When we don't want to visit you

I hope you realize you did this to yourself.

And when we grow to spite you

I hope you realize that you did this to yourself.

And when we don't want to forgive you

once the guilt finally has reached you

I hope you realize what you've done to yourself.

The curse of Fertility

Riku — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 11:17:00 -0500

Guess who woke up at 4 in the morning literally writhing in pain?

Thanks to my god damn ovaries.

First they send me on an emotional rollar coaster, and then they make it feel like I'm being eaten from the inside out.

I threw up this morning. DX

I can't wait until the things are gone. Or at least so overrun by testosterone that they don't do this crap to me anymore.

Hey guys it's story time~

Riku — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 13:41:50 -0500

I might have mentioned this already, but I don't think I have...

Would you look at that?

Riku — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 16:25:14 -0500

Wheeee.

So my self esteem is made of FAIL. Like, I was confident about my art, at least somewhat. And now I hate it... GUH. And I feel like I'll never improve and whatnot. It kind of really sucks. ._. I feel better than I did yesterday though.

A cause for disrespect

Riku — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 09:09:41 -0500

So my cousins are up for the holidays. One of them respects the transgender thing, the other one. Not so much. He keeps saying stuff like "Haha you don't have the parts" or "At least my chest isn't that big" (My aunt was picking on his moobs. XD) to try to prove that I'm a girl basically. And he still calls me my old name and she, which wouldn't be so bad but he's not even trying.

Are you sure?

Riku — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 07:35:19 -0500

So a while back there was a Drama Club info meeting, and after it this kid was there, and we ending up confusing the stars outta him. (Yes, stars. Why? I dunno. But I like it.)

http://www.oasisjournals.com/2008/09/taken-up-a-new-pastime

IT'S NOT GREEN ANYMORE!

Riku — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:38:11 -0500

Well actually, it wasn't that green to begin with, it was more of a green-grey-gold color. XD But now it's brown, like, dark chocolate brown. Plus red. Because that red shows through everything. I like it. It's only a couple of shades lighter than my original hair color. And if it fades, it'll probably fade to red, not green. So yay!

GREEN

Riku — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 06:56:39 -0500

Because I'm an impulsive dumbass

I dyed my hair green.

Now this was no simple feat mind you, I have very very dark hair. It looks black.

So I had to bleach it.

And it turned ORANGE.

Because I have red hair.

And better yet, since I had no idea what I was doing, it's patchy.

And then I put the green in it.

And I look like hedge...!

A mossy one.

Icing on trees

Riku — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 07:28:26 -0500

So you may or may have not have heard about the ice storm that hit New England with COLD and doom. It knocked out a LOT of trees and therefore a LOT of power. The night of the storm all you could hear was the cracking and shattering of trees and ice.

I got lucky and my power is back on, but a lot of people aren't so lucky. Like my friends.

Good morning

Riku — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 06:30:49 -0500

I'm actually feeling pretty good this morning. Odd. I normally hate mornings. XD

I think I'm going to keep a tally of how many times I get called things like "that person" by people who don't know what to call me. XD

Melodramatic

Riku — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:54:02 -0500

Just a tad. (Pshh yeah right.)

But I honestly feel like I'll never find someone... And it's not just the trans thing. Because obviously transguys find people. Just, I don't. It's like all of the people I like aren't interested and all of the people who are interested are people I don't like.

Feeling sarcastic and anti-social

Riku — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 18:56:57 -0500

And to top it all off, Thumbilina is stuck in my head.

I'm actually in an okay mood. But I feel like if anyone gets near me I'll tear their head off. But, I'm not like, in a bad mood. I just don't want to be near people.

Emotions are funny like that

Riku — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:10:01 -0500

Haha, now I'm all conflicted. But It's not in a bad way.

My mom called, apparently she took some books out of the library about transgender people. She wants to read up on it so she can try to understand me. And I just appreciate that SO much. That she's trying you know? It doesn't forgive all of the other stuff she's done. But I definitely appreciate it.

Three hundred sixty-five.

Riku — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:06:23 -0500

I was glancing through the archives of the journals I've made on this site (scary place mind you.) And there are like, 23 pages of journals. Each of those pages have 15 journals on them (minus the last one, that one's got 14.) so that's 344 journals since my first one in 2006. :O I wrote it when I was 13. Don't read back that far though, you'll want to slap me... Or I want to slap me rather.