Pshh.

Riku — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:07:40 +0400

This might be my last post for a while, I'm starting to drift away from this site, as much as I love it here.. Worse things have happened.

I went to that conference in Philly. It could -not- have been more fantastic. My mom went too, and now she's totally on board with the trans thing. It's amazing what some quality time and education can do. :) I think the main thing was, that she wanted to understand though, so it -really- helped her.

Wooooo

Riku — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:22:23 +0400

This time tomorrow, I will be in MA. And this time Wednesday, I will be in Philly. :)

Tomorrow, I'm heading over to a friends house, because I'm going down to Philly with him, because we're going to a trans conference. I'm not staying with him though, I'm staying with a family friend who lives in Philly.

Okay, so I'm not heading down with just -any- friend. Oh no. Remember that guy I kept going on about due to his sheer amazing. The one who wants to just be friends because he's got conflicting emotions or whatever? Yeah that one.

You know what this means?

Okay so...

Riku — Wed, 27 May 2009 16:29:11 +0400

I can breathe a sigh of relief now.

The reason he's (he being, that boy I'm always talking about which I like way more than I should) not interested in a relationship is because he's still trying to get over someone else.

So it wasn't something stupid I did. It's just he's got some unresolved feelings to deal with. Which makes me feel kind of bad, because it sounds like a pain... You know, more of a pain than my feelings for him that is.

Only problem is, now I'm stuck on him. XD;

Argh.

Riku — Mon, 25 May 2009 17:07:42 +0400

My weekend has been nuts..

A good friend of mine was hurt, basically. And there were police involved and everything. It was a mess. And that kid who hurt her better hope he goes to jail for what he did because if I see his sorry face ever again I'll rearrange it.

I'm not about to talk about what happened because it's really not my place. But needless to say, it's infuriating to think about.

Okay...

Riku — Fri, 22 May 2009 06:01:15 +0400

Okay, rant time.

You know what pisses me off?

When people refer to other guys as "Actual boys" or otherwise imply that I'm somehow less than male.

ARGHHHH.

I'm a boy, just like any other boy. Just because my body is a little different doesn't make me any less of a boy. >_o

If people got their heads out of other peoples pants for a fucking minute....

Oww...

Riku — Thu, 21 May 2009 04:14:49 +0400

I yawned so hard my ear hurt. I wish I were kidding.

This has happened twice today. |D;

Also, this whole liking a person who doesn't like me back thing is really, ugh. Frustrating for starters. I like to think that I might one day eventually have a chance with him, and I might. According to him. But it's not certain, not likely, and not soon. :P

And I'm trying to do that thing where I don't care. But when you care it gets pretty hard not too.

And sorry that this is all I ever rant about recently. DX;

I need to stop setting myself up for disappointment.

You know what sucks?

Riku — Mon, 18 May 2009 23:28:25 +0400

Unrequited feelings.

I'm so sick of this. I get attached to people way too easy. Even when I try not to. It's aggravating.

So far, I've been frustrated at myself for not being as okay with just being friends as I'd like to be. I wish I could just throw these feelings away.

I hate being so vulnerable. :/

...

Dammit.

Riku — Fri, 15 May 2009 12:22:54 +0400

This would be a lot easier if he wasn't so awesome. I can't think of one thing I dislike about him, which is probably in part because I'm still infatuated with him. But still... XD;

He says he doesn't think it would work out. Why? I have no clue. (Maybe it has to do with the deathly shy bit...) But I'm gonna stop pestering him about it. Besides, if I ask any more questions, it'll be all I think about all weekend while I can't get on the computer. And I'm insane as it is, I don't need to drive myself there.

...There is a bug, with a stinger, on my screen. 0w0

Pshhh.

Riku — Thu, 14 May 2009 06:34:08 +0400

Why is it that my ability to communicate kicks in -after- I've been rejected? Little late no?

Oh well. Whatever happens happens.

I asked him (the boy I like who said he wants to just be friends.) where I stand, but he hasn't responded yet. I'm just going to assume that I don't have a chance with him at all though. It's just confusing because initially he implied (Not just a little either, I swear I'm not forcing it.) that maybe we could try again, but I'm not clear enough on that so, yeah.

bangs head on wall

Riku — Wed, 13 May 2009 06:56:26 +0400

Pshhh.

Now he's (he as in, boy I'm always talking about) is all "Well, let's be friends first." Which makes logical sense and all.

But I'm still really attracted to him. :P

Whateverrrrrrrr.

I'll deal with this I swear.

Oddly enough I'm not even that upset by this. I don't think I care too much. Because I kind of rather get to know him as friends first too. Considering we still have massive amounts of awkward to wade through.

The only thing that bugs me is the -huge- possibility that he'll want to -stay- just friends. |D;

Meh. Either way I'll deal.

Arghhh

Riku — Wed, 13 May 2009 02:20:34 +0400

The more I like him, the harder it gets to do that whole communicating thing.

It's kind of frustrating.

You know what else is frustrating?

The fact that I like him so much. :P

I shaved my face yesterday, I was surprised at how much hair there was, actually.

I got my hair cut yesterday too. I don't like it, it's too short and it's too butch. My aunt and dad keep going "BUT YOU LOOK MORE BOYISH NOW." and I'm all "ARGH IT'S GONE I MISS IT DD:"

BAGLY among other things

Riku — Mon, 11 May 2009 00:23:11 +0400

Youth pride was alright. I don't know what I was expecting, but the weather was fabulous even though the skies threatened rain until late, at which point it did rain. And Boston + good weather + friends is awesome no matter what. And plus rainbows and friendly people and music and whatnot is always fun too. Though it would have been better if people didn't like to SMOKE at PUBLIC EVENTS and POLLUTE MY LUNGS. It made me sick, as in, literally, duh. I don't care what people do at their house, but it should be illegal to smoke at public events. >_o;

A pair

Riku — Fri, 08 May 2009 04:39:45 +0400

I need to grow one.

Seriously.

Stop being such a sissy insecure wimp Ash.

And just freaking e-mail him. |D;

Also, I'm sick of therapy. I'm freaking -fine- so why do I need to continue to see a therapist? Because apparently her word looks good in court. God damn court. Wouldn't be an issue if we weren't screwed over with a cattle prod by a biased judge...

Also. I'm REALLY sick of the kids in my school using "gay" to mean "stupid". It's just as stupid when they say "no offense to gays" after. No, it's still offensive, you're just two faced as well now. Nice going.

Flamey

Riku — Thu, 07 May 2009 05:34:06 +0400

Meh. So he's not going to the pride thing because he's not -flamey- enough. That's FINE. :P

Honestly I just wanted a reason to see him. |D I could care less where or why. But he doesn't identify with the 'gay crowd', I can't say I blame him too much. Because of the running ignorance about trans people. And how the "T" in "GLBT" is forgotten about most of the time. But like, he could have TOLD me that was why instead of just saying "Oh I can't go." :P (He ended up telling one of my friends who tried to invite him along.)

As much as I love my dad...

Riku — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:59:40 +0400

He really does piss me off sometimes.

Not everything is a battle. Okay, so the school didn't put my name change through RIGHT THE INSTANT I GAVE THEM THE PAPERWORK. BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Pshh.

Wooooo

Okay so...

Argh.

Okay...

Oww...

You know what sucks?

Dammit.

Pshhh.

*bangs head on wall*

Arghhh

BAGLY among other things

A pair

Flamey

As much as I love my dad...

bangs head on wall