poetry...other crap...so much stuff in my head right now.

jealousy runs through
my veins
like snake's venom
poisoning me.
my stomach clenches
my heartbeat quickens
as i watch you
with them.
how dare they?
how dare they
steal you from me?

this came into my head during gym, we were out on the track (theoretically speaking) and we were sitting on the benches. i was sitting on one bench with some of the girls, and the girl i REALLY like was sitting on the other and one of the girls was playing with her hair.

sums up my feelings about this person i just told my feelings to. but, i understand where they're coming from.

i want to smack you smart, you silly child.
you're killing me like this.
why can't you see me?
why is it so hard for you to open up to me?
i want so desperately to steal away your pain.
i want so much to scrape away the scar tissue
and see the blinding wonder underneath.
i want to hold onto you

kay new poem, (as if i write anything else). this one stems from some inspiration i had on the bus this morning when i was wishing for everyone to just shut the hell up. ahem, well...here it is.

Silence:

we sit here in
silence.
you glance to me
and i glance to you
we share a little smile.
silence
can be a wonderful thing.
but it can also be terrible.
deafening and suffocating
complete with cruel looks

have been listening obsessively to MCR (My Chemical Romance) over the last few weeks. I blame my sister.

Anyway, I've been a little braver with this crush than with my last one. The other crush i had kinda found out i had a crush on her and it was a little awkward for a while. But now we're kind of content on just being friends. (i still have the occasionals daydreams featuring her as my girlfriend though.) but with this girl, i'm at least talking to her and trying to be her friend, not being all weird and stalker-like.

i *so* seriously need a girlfriend. when it's not one, it's the other. i should either make my mind celibate or find a girlfriend. also, i must have a thing with the name leslie.

anywho...here's the skinny:

play. there's a girl in it. her name's leslie. she's gorgeous. light brown hair. amber eyes. adorable laugh. just perfect. have no idea if she's straight or gay. but i'm wishing, desperately hoping against hope she's gay, if not bi.

okay, since we're going with a stopgaydays theme, here are some really sweet pics that stopgaydays.com...ahem, "forgot" to show:

and this...

so, you can go to stopgaydays.com and see what They want you to see...or you can see REAL pics of people there...your choice.

...no, the meaning of life. I have finally figured out a way to let heterosexual people know what it's like to be gay in high school (or at least most high schools, some of you might be lucky)

Imagine, if you will, for a moment, that you're allergic to a certain type of food. Let's say...peanuts. And yet, where you live, everyone eats these peanuts. You wish desperately that you could eat peanuts as well. You hope and you wish and you tell yourself that you *can* eat those peanuts. You walk around, and you see people eating the peanuts, and you are jealous of them. You even try to eat the peanuts, even though they make you sick, just so you can be just like everyone else. Your parents refuse to believe you're allergic to peanuts, they think it's just a "phase" and make you eat peanuts anyway. Everywhere you go, people have peanuts, eat them, some of them don't even eat the peanuts, they just throw them out like garbage, even though they can eat them without getting sick.

i'm in love with two people
Male and Female
and I'm not even sure about
the Male.
they're both interesting and engaging
and quite beautiful.
but with one...there's no chemistry
and the other?
straight or gay?
He sits there and i tell myself
"i like him, i like him"
but in my mind
i see her face
smiling at me
laughing at my jokes.
meanwhile he speaks
earnestly, thinking i'm listening.

uhhhhh....yeah, check your calendar.

APRIL FOOLS!

from your beautiful
lips
drip words
of
Hate.
like honey
laced
with cyanide.
your soft eyes
have grown
hard.
the syrup
has melted,
only sharp
emeralds remain.
your smile
filled with
sharpness
and malevolence.
the Others see a
Pretty Person.
I see
a
Demon,
a Predator.
your Malice
is
obvious
to no one
but me.
People seem
to Love
You.
but they are
Blind.

Yes, I know I stole the idea from a Hawthorne Heights song (Nikki FM, pretty good song), but when your brain is constipated (as my lovely Logan put it) you'll take any inspiration you can get. Comments Dammit!!!

With My Radio:

here i am standing
with my radio high
as the clouds turn grey
and pour the blood of the sky.
i stand here praying
with my sweet love song
that you'll see me out your window

I found this on some random website and thought it was really sweet

If you found me I would..

~Tell you I love you every moment I see you

~Always remember your full name, original hair color, eye color, siblings' names, mom & dad's names, pets' names, favorite color, movie, food, and anything else you can come up with...

~Give hugs and kisses morning, noon, night and anytime in between

'kay first off...my school newspaper sucks. it just does. it is possibly some of the most mind-numbing, brain-cell depleting tripe out there. it's just bad. stuff like prom plans and spring break and CAR OF THE MONTH. yeah, that. SO, i've decided to have my own underground newspaper/'zine to give out instead. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna call it "veritas" which is latin for "truth" since it seems our school system wants to hide the "truth". i've got like ten people who want to help already and i just need a few more. but...i need some advice on printing things and layout and all that stuff. anyone have any advice?

One of the sweetest songs ever. A little outdated, but still *so* sweet.

ONE HUNDRED WAYS
Quincy Jones with James Ingram

Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves let them play
Dedicate her fav'rite song and hold
Her closer all night long
Lover her today
Find one hundred ways

Don't forget there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more