-head/desk-

Icarus — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:11:32 +0400

story of my freakin' life.

i hate it.

haaaaaaaate it.

we're so connected on so many different levels. we're planning the farmhouse we're going to build when we're older. we have not disagreed about one thing. ONE THING. i'm serious. and i'm pretty sure neither of us have conceded to the other. i even texted something to her five seconds before she texted me the same thing.

it's so cute.

it's so romantic.

and i know for a fact she's not leading me on, on purpose.

I. Hate. My. Life.

happiest story ever.

Icarus — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 21:20:55 +0400

Once upon a time....

There was a straight, white boy.

The end.

Bing

Icarus — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 07:47:25 +0400

all i can say is, thank god for bing.

fuck google.

label.

Icarus — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:19:45 +0400

not-my-girlfriend-but-my-girlfriend.

and i don't mean in a "she's my friend....and she's a girl" kind of way, although...actually no, i've never had that issue before. i have friends. some are girls, some are guys. pronouns will announce themselves eventually.

i'm really enjoying this very little caffeine thing i'm doing right now. whoo...tangents ahoy.

payment.

Icarus — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:52:49 +0400

soooooo associate content posted a piece i did and it's really really really good and every time you look at it i get paid!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1864809/the_myth_of_maturity.ht...

so do a poor college student a favor and pay me?

prat.

Icarus — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:40:45 +0400

title is irrelevant to the content....

"Okay, stop making me miss you."

Ohhhhhhhhhh L. Why must you tease me so? I'm so glad you have a cell phone now, but when you say things like that and call me hunny and babe, i can't help but melt into a puddle of happy goo.

anywho...

dream.

Icarus — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:18:28 +0400

there was a true confusion on jake's face as his eyes slid from annie to sage and back again to annie. jaw working like a flopping fish, he planted his hands on his hips and spat. the morning sun was rising into noon, the desert wind spitting sand against their legs.

"I..I just can't understand what you see in her Annie!" his voice cracked with petulance. he stamped his foot as a schoolboy would and frowned. "Now tell me, what's she got that i don't? Tell me serious now!"

nerve.

Icarus — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 07:29:38 +0400

...............

i think i just pissed her off.

we were talking about her life and how she's pretty much jerking these three girls around, and while i understand that she's tried to set boundaries and pretty much make this a "friends with benefits" thing, i also know her and that it's hard to keep it that way with someone like her.

which is what i just told her.

i also told her that i felt like it was a pretty unhealthy way to look for affection. and while i probably could've said it in a different manner, it was pretty much what i meant.

so punk rock.

Icarus — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 09:00:07 +0400

o
h
h
h
h
h
h
and
here it
comes.
descending
darkly
into the chaotic
confines of that
which cannot be
named
or
recalled
in one
tragic
instance before
the
depressingly
despondent
king
and
queen
of
soulful eyes
and
heartbreaking lies
rip your smile
from the
headlines.
fingers keep
trembling
tapping
touching
twisting
trying to keep up
with your
battered
bruised
and
broken
ego
all the while breathing
into paper bags
and
busting through
already
splintered
windows.
self defeating
self deprecation
haven't you heard
it's the new punk rock
and

cliche

Icarus — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 07:42:14 +0400

oh christofer drew and your ability to know exactly how i feel.

gaaaaahhhhhhhhh......

i'm thinking about publishing a book of short stories and poetry just for the hell of it...

whatcha think?

destitution.

Icarus — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:15:05 +0400

so, i'm looking for freelance writing jobs. also found out today that my dad's not getting anymore unemployment, so my family of seven's going to be living on about 25 grand a year. the poverty line for a family of seven's around 34 thousand.

i'm so sick of this stupid shit.

talk like a white boy

Icarus — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 06:13:55 +0400

if i called you
right now
this
very
second.
would you pick up?
would your
fingers
eagerly brush
the plastic pontificator
the buzzing voice
of
those
unseen
smile
and
say, "Hello?"
or would you
glance at it
smirk
roll your eyes
and
count down the
seconds
until the
bzzz
bzzz
bzzz
ceases?
would you
return
to your
halcyon dream
days gone by
all the while you
conjure up
manufactured smiles,
feeding your
happiness habit
with
cotton candy charisma
and
sugar sweet cynicism.
tell me
tell me truly
if i called you
right now

toxic.

Icarus — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 21:50:28 +0400

she texted me this morning. i jokingly replied, "Good to see you're alive, lol."

she replies, "yeah, i nearly died of alcohol poisoning."

and she was so seemingly goddamn flippant about it. "oh yeah, i almost died, i was throwing up for over twelve hours, no big deal!"

and she wonders why i worry about her. i can't lose another person, especially not her. but at the same time, i wonder where this is going. not even in a "maybe we'll hook up" sense, but in a "can i even be friends with this person?" sense.

summation

Icarus — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:45:22 +0400

my head is killing me from lack of caffeine and i know it's only gonna get worse if i don't do something.

while i was taking a nap, my dad found condoms (including what could be a used one) in my sister's bottom drawer.

it's good to be a nerd and to be extremely private sometimes.

i feel sorry for my sister when she gets home.

going running in a couple hours. hoping for two miles, but who knows.

decided not to talk to Girl for a while, just to kinda get my head straight with some things.

the end.

whatever.

Icarus — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 06:51:51 +0400

okay, wait a goddamned second.

What I SHOULD'VE SAID:

you initiate a text for the first time in a while, and it's about how you couldn't go a week without pleasuring yourself? we talk about sex all the time, but i don't know what the hell we are. are we friends? are we "talking"? WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?

What I actually said:

"lol, good to know."

and

"Ok, ttyl."

I hate myself.

I hate my life.

I hate my inane sense of self-defeatism and apathy.

ugh.