I have been wondering recently if I really am male. Was I really a woman, but misfortunate enoughto be born into the body of the opposite gender I was supposed to? I am just speculating, maybe its's just some crazy phase I am going through. I don't know. I kinda like having male body parts, but I often don't really relate or connect to the male gender (or maybe I am just being stereotypical).

Anyways, yeah, first day of school, and we have three exchange students, one girl and two guys, and both of them (the guys of course) are downright GORGEOUS!!!!! (lol horny am I!). God, one is from France, and the other is from Brazil, and the girl is from Peru. I don't have any periods with them though (whine).

Well, that's all for now.

Grr. . .None of the guys I personally know are calling me or ansering my calls. Or my e-mails. Part of me says fuck 'em, anothers says WTF DID I DO WRONG?!? *slams head on table*. I feel so out of it. My only contact with the outside is through the window that is my computer screen. Why haven't I found love yet, why doesn't my own family not hug, or touch me at all? It's wierd, I've had no physsical contact with anyone, besides my cat (goddess bless her). I haven't given a serious to kiss to anyone in MONTHS. To just hold another guy's hand would be SOOOOOO wonderful. But men aren't that way. Maybe I should just become a lesbian (lol).

See title, jeff. Might not be a bad idea for others to check their inboxes

To all my friends, I am just going to say that someone has stolen my avatar and has pretty much copied my username. I beleive I know who this is (I beleive we ALL know who did this). I demand that you use a different avatar, because I painstakingly hand drew this avatar.

I am also sending this out, because I know that a similar thing happened to elraye, and I will not tolerate this, and neither will any of us.

She passed away at around 2:00 AM. The pneumonia took her away. Thanks again for all the support you guys have given me. I luv you all so much.

Well, I'm right now at my grandmother's house, with a few of my relatives. From what I understand of the situation, the time could be really soon. It sounds depressing, but I am really happy that I can be hear, to say goodbye. I may never get another chance to do so. Sunshine and bubbles to everyone. May Goddess watch over you.

To all who wrote in on my journal about my grandmother dying, thank you. I would spend more time with her, but my aunts and uncles have a rule about only short visits, so the last time I was htere, iwas ony there for a few seconds, before my aunt politely told me I needed to leave. Why, I don't know, she's their mother I guess.

Regardless, thankyou all so much. It really helped to know that people cared.

Hug yourselves, and may sunshine follow you wherever you go.

I just saw her today. I had no idea she had fallen so sickly. Lymphoma cancer is such a grim reaper. She lies around in bed almost all day, hooked up to an oxygen machine. She's a shell of her former self. She used to be so vibrant, now all the technicolor rainbows her aura distributed so magnificently over the earth are gone. I want to cry, but I can't. And I don't know why. I feel like I'm dying with her.

Funny, like three days ago I was going through a real slump, and now, I suddenly seem to be over taht. Reconnected with an old friend, had a long and enjoyable conversation, can't wait to do it again. Oh, and cute bi-guy has gotten back in touch with me, and wants to go swimming (WOOHOO ;D ). Thanks to those who wrote letters, it helped, and y'all were right, my life sorted itself out somewhat when I let it.

This goes for everybody, but for Daelus, AndrewSchmandrew, ifiwazme4life, and beaumec18, you have stuff from ME. So get to it!!

I just tried ot call a new friend of mine, and he does not want me to call him anymore. I have no idaea what mistake I made to put him in such a mood. But, I am taking jeff's advice, and I am not going to let it get to me. Many more fish in the sea. I guess I just need to fish elsewhere.

I am writing a public thankyou to jeff for hios comment on my call for help with guys. I know that people were recently very harsh with him (on my journal too), so I felt I needed to say that I think he is a very deep person. Right now, I am half crying, half laughing, cuz its been sucha weird day. Got a ton of shit at work, come home depressed an d lonely, and I see his comment, and wow. Plus, I've been listening to Run" by Snow patrol repeatedly, so that also affected me.