I have decided that Sappho, being the amazing woman she was deserves a tribute so here it goes. Sappho was once known as a woman born from a legend until archeologists found out that she actually existed and was in fact the first modern poet of all time. She wrote of forbidden love but because her poems were controversal and becasue she was a woman they were destroyed. She played the lyre and sang her poetry as she played. History says she was in fact married to a rich man that she never loved so he let her do as she pleased on the isle of lesbos. So she taught women to play the Lyre and was known to have affairs with them. She wrote many poems about her students and how fond of them she was. Sappho is a very important woman in history as she is one of the only women in ancient history. There will always be a special place in my heart for Sappho.
For the record the record is an unwritten journal of all thoughts dear and some thoughts not so dear to me. Some are kept in my heart but most are in my head. Lately I have been reviewing the record... I guess I've never really looked back at my past until today and I realize how much better I am but also how much bigger my mistakes are. I have no idea what I'm actually talking about but I feel a need to write out parts of my past for a better assesment of just why everything is so wrong at this moment.
Please keep in mind that this is a letter to a foreign woman in Russia so my English is very short and choppy. Also there are some notes for the slang.
I've messed up really bad... I did something bad too. Sarah and I are fine but she is so confused and doesn't EVER talk. We are not girlfriends but I can see in her eyes that she adores me. I adore her too.
Everything started this morning. I was frustrated with Sarah and our really confusing situation. I was talking to my friend Kaylee. I told her I was lonely (as a joke... kind of...) and I leaned against her and asked if she could be my girlfriend so I wasn't lonely anymore. She said yes but I didn't mean for her to be a real girlfriend. And at noon hour I was talking to my friend Leah. She told me how confused Sarah was. Leah talks to Sarah on the bus. Leah told Sarah that she should talk to me more because I understand what being gay is like. Which I do! I'm almost a proffesional lesbian! But I guess Sarah doesn't talk about emotions...
Relatively sane... That about sums up my life. I was given a rotary youth leadership award and I get to go to a conference this weekend. I'm rather stoked but nervous about it. I hope I don't have to be "charming" and "ethical". Although I am very good at fooling everyone, especially the phsycologist that nominated me to go ;) They must be crazy because I am not leadership material. Personally I think what they're looking for is a woman in a powersuit breaking mens balls with they're bear hands not some pot smoking hippie writing poetry at the side of a highway on the way to her work at McDonalds. For the record I walk 3km (about 1.5 miles) to work) I actually just got back from work. I'm so greasy... Anyways, about RYLA. I get to go with another girl (hearts) I hope she's pretty. Maybe we can share a room and play truth and dare. That's a wicked game.
To the beauty that I will never know
Within these lonesome halls I watch you fly
Like butterflies of prey you lightly go
to never touch the troubled eyes of I
You're only the distraction of today
But tomorrow's still sitting in my mind
and tomorrow you're still so far away
to still be the distraction and my bind
Secret letters of mine will always be
the silent voice that speaks to lovely eyes
What can I say? Online journals suck but they sure beat writing a report on the economic development of the Philippines. For the record I have barely started the report and it is due tomorrow. I've been procrastinating lately but then again I've been doing a lot of bad things already. I guess I can safely say that I am at the anti coming of age climax of my life. I'm somewhat self destructive in the more normal way. You know, Drugs, sex, alcohol... Ok minus the sex part. I don't get action. It's just a rule god made for me I swear. When he made me he was like. "I'll make her a lesbian and why not? I'll torture and make her the sexless lesbian just for fun." Although torture doesn't really bother me all that much. As long as it isn't a paper cut.