okay, first of all GOOD NEWS!!!

apparently, my cellphone company ISN'T charging me an arm and a leg for international calls....in fact, they're not charging me any extra at all!!!!

so that's really, REALLY cool, except that i actually can't call her.....she has to call me, BUT STILL.

i'm so dead. but proud of myself, too. even just a few months ago, i wouldn't have gotten myself out of bed when i did today. i would've slept, and plans bedamned.

bad news is.....

i have nothing for wolf. which is really not good at all, cause her PARTY IS TONIGHT.

i love scrolling down.

there are two users and 7 guests online.

bulldyke
jmy

and of course i'm on top. :)

protector, giver, guard.

soft, willing, serving, offering.

i'm kneeling before you in shining armor

my sword at your feet

offering my service

giving myself

my everything

and i would gladly lay down my life

stop fighting

give it all for you

wrap you in my arms

enfold you in my soul

keep you safe

away from harm

BD

fuck. little things should NOT hurt this much.

stupid horse stepped on my fucking foot. OW.

and not one of the little ponies, oh no!!! he's 16 fucking hands, and RIPPED (can a horse be ripped?). anyway, he's HUGE.

and HE wanted grass, and MY foot got in the way, and now i have a very badly bruised toe that hurts like a motherfucker.

yes, i cuss a lot when i'm in pain. deal.

my whole fucking foot hurts, and the ice is barely touching it.

driving home was HELL.

cause yes, of COURSE it's my right foot.

ow.

ow.

so, to sum up my day. i went to sleep at a little after midnight (much satisfied, thank you very much), got up at 5:30am, talked to J, showered, dressed, ran out the door.

ate on the road.

was late for signing up (thank you, sweety :P).

got into 2 of the three tests.

waited.

read a book (empress of the world).

wrote my previous journal.

took science test.

read a few chapters in another book.

talked with interesting people (and told strangers that my girlfriend lives in australia).

took reading test.

came home.

gah. no internet!! haha, i'm writing in Word, and i'm planning on posting this later, :P.

just finished Empress of the World. haven't read it since 8th grade, when Em gave it to me. then, i read it in one night. this time, i think it took me just a few hours.

centerfielder says battle reminds her of me. sort of. i mean….well, the hair thing certainly fits, though no one's ever called me empress, or done anything like that. and i'd prefer emperor, even if they did.

do you guys know "oh my god" by P!nk?

that's how i felt last night.

like. OH MY GOD.

like, on top of the fucking world, and almost everything i've craved for.

cept it wasn't the top, cause there's more to come, and i can't wait.

"pollen dust and pixie sticks/kissing in the deep end of swimming pools"

i like welcoming new people to oasis. is it just me, or are we suddenly having a bunch of newcomers?

screw studying.

you're going to think this is written to cheer you up, or make you feel better, but it's not. it's just the truth.

i love curves. i mean, yeah, sometimes, skinny girls are cute/attractive.

but give me a girl with curves. give me a girl who feels solid in my arms. who's soft and lush and gorgeous.

yellow roses, sunshine. i remember yellow.

don't ask. KYS

i think that book is engraved into my mind. like that emmy lou harris song....um, yeah, don't ask.

haha, i'm so random right now. i feel sentimental, and just...warm. all over. even though i'm not, inside i am.

hmm, why yes, it DOES feel like i just had a night of sex....odd :P.

i hate calling cards. they don't make sense. it SAYS i should have 180 minutes, but the stupid voice says i only had 20.

gah. i need to study.

BUT at least i got my thing written!! so that's good.

i'm not so much OVERwhelmed, cause i've got everything under control, but i've just been uber busy today!! (when iw asn't asleep, that is).

so.

i owe a couple of people messages, which i will get to later, i promise.

and jeff, i'll have that thing for you by tomorrow, probably tonight.

gah, my body hurts right now. i'm tense and sore....hehe, LOTS of pent up, ah, tension. :P i need to stretch out. i need to go to the gym. i need her to be home so that i can hear her voice and cheer her up.

i want to be there already!!!

gah, i feel like i'm back in school! lol, well, not really.

but i've got a ton of studying to do, PLUS a thing to write that actually HAS A DUE DATE!!!!!

BUT good news!!! i can start taking my GED on FRIDAY (gah), and finish it NEXT friday (day after my bday, lol).

i just have to get up super early and get there early, and i'll be set!

so back to the books! lol. i should be fine, but i SOOOO want to get this thing done ASAP.

and then, it's off to apply for college!

i wish i could bottle up what i'm feeling right now, and give it to everyone who's in a dark place.

i wish i could hold up my heart and say "look at this. 4 years ago, i wanted to end this. i wanted it to cease it's beating. and now? now it beats for her, and i've never been gladder that i survived."

i want everyone to know that they can have that too. i want the kids, and the jaded lovers on here, the cynics, the romantics, the wounded ones, all of you, to know that it's worth it to survive.

oh. my. GOD!!!!!

i'm SO happy right now!!! you have NO idea!!!!

i said it!!! i said it, and i meant it, and i mean it, and i'm SO in love with her!!!

i can't stop grinning!!

i want to kiss her so bad right now. actually, i want SO much more than a kiss, but a kiss would do. one fleeting moment of contact....i'm so in love with her.

my heart sings for her.

she's my own personal miracle.

"and i can feel your heart/beating true across this distance"

july CANNOT come fast enough.

so...first of all.

i've been thinking, about a few things that a few people have said. about cliques on oasis, and about this being a safe place.

i do my best to talk to everyone here. but i'm only human. i don't always have the energy or inclination to read/comment on every journal.

and yes, i do have my favorites, and my friends. people i make it a point to talk to when they're on, or at least to comment when they write. i'm human, and unlike pat, i come here for ME, not for everyone else.

"this is me who loves you still
and you know i always will."

i want her to be home from school already. i want to call her and say the three words that've been burning a hole in my mind for days now. i just want to hear her voice...

today was fun, though. i went to the riding academy for the first time in aobut a month, and it was really good. i carried boxes to the shed, and one of them slipped while i was walking through the shed door, and it slammed my arm against the door frame....so now i have a huge bruise on my arm, just above my elbow. ick.

ugh. i'm so tired. i have SO much that i need to do...but i have got to go back to sleep.

i'm trying to stay up at least long enough to put my clothes in the dryer, cause, haha, i'm gonna NEED them when i go to work at teh riding academy.

only about 10 minutes left....sigh.

goa, i'm falling asleep. i know i need to be getting more each night, but....i hate saying good night.

i love talking to her so much. i love how excited she gets when i tell her about my plans for getting there. i love that she wants me.