oh my god!!!! i'm so freaking happy right now!!!!!!

i just talked to S, who owns the riding academy where i've been working, and she says that if i want to take lessons, she'll trade me for four hours of work.

that is, if i work 4 hours for her (and i already do 6 a week), she'll give me a free lesson!!! which means that i can take lessons until i move!!! i'm SOOOOO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!! i can't WAIT to be back on a horse again!!!!!

and plus, talk about great excercise!!! lol but yeah. i'm jazzed.

anywho.

amo te

te amo
you're beautiful
i whisper
i touch the screen
touch your face
facsimile thereof
but i touch you
with my mind
my heart
my soul
please love me

days pass by
in a green-blue haze
running this way
and that
stand still
listen
i swear
i can hear
your heartbeat

i'm afraid
i'm sure
i'm not
i am
i love
i can't
i will
i'm scared

hold me
let me
hold you
i'd let you
in
if only
you knew
if only
i didn't
fear

i will
i know
i long
for you
you
and
only
you
are the
one

i
love you
you
love me
what else
is there
to say?

BD

i'm kinda growing away from oasis. :( i dunno.....it's how i've always been. i'll come back when i'm ready. not sure if i'm even ready to leave yet, just....not here so much. not writing so much. not sharing, or....anything. blah.

wow. there's this awesome restaurant in town, who does the best pasta and salads you can get, is relatively inexpensive, and it's just a fun place to go. it's one of my favorite places in town!

it just got reviewed in a local-ish paper, and got PANNED. like, he gave it one star, and the review was MEAN. it was like he was describing a different restaurant entirely.

guh. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

OMG. last night was wonderful! :D :D :D like....wow. haha i'm utterly failing with the adjectives at the moment. :P

so....watched a movie with my rents after dinner tonight...body of lies, or soemthing like that. dicaprio and russel crowe as CIA agents. it was pretty good....but then we got into a fight over the TV. guh.

but now i'm talking to my sweetie, and even though her day is shitty, it makes me so incredibly happy to be talking to her. she just....she's everything. i know it's sappy, but it's true.

i'm tired right now, and my head hurts. but i don't care.

grr. okay, so, i'm a control freak. i'm well aware of that.

my father is one too. GAH. most of the time, it's cool, and we're on the same side of things, as it were. but not when it comes to driving!

i got my liscence almost a year ago now, and other than when he was teaching me to drive, he REFUSES to let me drive! it's so horrible! we're planning to drive up to mendocino in a few weeks, to go to my aunts' concert, and he's sitting there bitching about having to drive into the late afternoon sun.

i managed to back into a parked car. fuck.

i feel so awful. there wasn't much damage, but i put a big dent in my mom's bumper, and ugh.

so yeah. my shitty day just got shittier.

i'm so tired, but i just want to be wtih her.....and i can't if i'm asleep.

OHHHH i got my passport! so that's awesome!

*sigh*

i'm passed the first 4 tests already for the GED, but i won't know for a week about the 5th...i really hope i did.

okay....bye for now.

BD

my body is exhausted. my back aches. my head is throbbing on and off. my legs are cramped.

and it's all worth it. getting about 2 hours of sleep in two days, being FUNCTIONAL despite that, taking the last GED test....it's so worth it.

the thought of our first kiss, the thought of getting off the plane and BEING there....terrifying, and so, so worth it.

so. that was my day. it's 5:30 now, and i'd be perfectly happy to spend the rest of the day/evening lying here, talking to her.

oh god, we TALKED last night!!!! for hours! about EVERYTHING!!!! it was so, SO amazing!!!

ow. i really want my back to stop hurting already. and yeah, i can take asprin for it, but that just means the pain goes away. which means that i do stuff that'll worsen it. so fuck.

OMG OMG OMG she has the cutest voice EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am grinning so hard just from talking to her for a few minutes!!!!!

you guys have no idea, she is the cutest!!!!!!! :D :D :D

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D i just want to talk to her for hours and hours and hours, really TALK, not just IM. i LOOOOOOOVE her voice!!!!!!!!!

lol, could you tell? :P

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

BD

speedos are GROSS!!!!! i don't care how young or old or buff or fat you are THEY ARE NASTY!!!!! especially on older guys with sagging stomachs and *shudders* they show WAAAAAAAAAAAY more than i EVER want to THINK ABOUT let alone see. *shudders*

seriously. if pot is illegal, why can't speedos be, too??

the hottub (at the gym) felt sooooooooo good on my back, while i was in it, but now it hurts just as much as before. :( stupid, stupid pulled muscles.

oh yes, i just talked to The Ex!

it wasn't so bad, really. haha, okay, okay, it was!

but she's been being a dickhead to J, and me being territorial, hurt-my-girl-in-any-way-and-you'll-lose-your-life me, i had to do something about it.

and ya know? if things were different, i might've been her friend.

AND i managed to press like, a MILLION of her buttons, so yay me! in fact, i pissed her off so much, she logged of and said to A "i fucking hate women." :D ex: 0, dyke: 1

lol, JMY wanted me to post that....not entirely sure why, but, like a good butch, i know when to follow orders. :P

so. today was awesome!!!

i went over to my old junior high, and chatted wiht some of my old science teachers! it was great! i saw B, and LF, and M, and Q (not that i like her all that much, BUT). it was so, SO freaking awesome!

it was so weird being back at the school.....so much happened there, for me. and the science department was my salvations. LF and B especially....they were the ones i TAed for. them and calle were....everything. there were others, but they're hte ones i remember.

....couldn't put me back together again.

but she can. she does. i feel Right with a capital R like i haven't in so long.

not talking to her while she was away was hell. everything was out of joint, even when i was having such a good time at my party. all my doubts, my fears, my misgivings, they all came flodding in, trying to drown me.

and now we're talking again, and she's my lifeboat. she's my island, my safe haven.